Is this an unrealistic expectation?

Question

I have chronic back pain and it hurts me pretty bad to give my kids (currently ages 3, 4, and 5) a bath. I'm a stay at home mom right now. Even though my husband works long hours, I still expect him to bathe the kids instead of me most of the time because of how it affects me. Is this unrealistic?

Amosunknown... I am not pregnant - not sure if that influences your opinion.

Everyone else... I fully understand and believe that a father is involved and active with the kids. But since taking care of them has essentially become my "job" since I don't work outside the home, it seems like it kind of changes things a little...

I don't know...

I appreciate the feedback!!

CF - what does the age difference in my kids have to do with this situation?? It isn't relevant at all.

The comment about "so your life doesn't get any worse" is totally unnecessary. My life is BLESSED because of my kids.

Answer 1

Hell no it's not unrealistic! He was all down with the baby-makin' (unless you tripped and fell on him over and over and over again), so he should be all down with the kiddie-carin'. A working father's day ends when he gets home from work, most of the time (notice I said MOST of the time, everyone), but a stay at home mom's job never does. I believe it's unrealistic for you to expect him to do most of the household stuff, since he's the working partner, but definately not so for expecting him to help out with a few things when he gets home.

Answer 2

Not at all unrealistic - whether your back hurts or not, but especially since it hurts. While you both need your breaks, parenting is a never-ending job that pushes other things back and sometimes makes you have to do the things that you don't want to. Besides your back hurting, tell him this; my father (I'm 31) never did much with us when we were little. He worked and then did his own thing. He's changed a lot, but through his selfishness I don't recall very much about him from when I was little. I've done both - stay at home and work full time. My husband and I have always taken turns doing things even though he's always been full time. If was a relief for him to be with his kids and change his pace. Except for periods of when I want to do major projects at home and I'm not working full time, I'd have to say that working is usually "cheese" (I do physical labor as well) compared to being a "real" stay at home mom.

Answer 3

No way are you being unrealistic...just ask my husband what he did when he had to take care of our three when I laid in a hospital bed with back problems after our last move. Husbands and wives are a team...they are supposed to help one another, not keep score. I'm sure you would think nothing of it if your places were reversed, so why worry about it? If you feel guilty about it then try to do something extra nice for him...like scheduleing the kids some quiet time when he first gets home so he can unwind a bit...or try to make him special foods that he likes, or just some extra little TLC. Being a parent is a 24/7 job for both parents. Soon your children will be old enough to learn how to take showers, (mine did around 6 or 7 yrs old) and you'll be able to just sit in the bathroom and supervise (you know to make sure they wash all their hair and under their arms :) These are the times that Dad can have fun and enjoy his little ones, and the moments that children always remember. Help him to see the joy and good in this 'chore'. Children do remember...

Answer 4

Men who work full time get up in the morning, go to work, take a lunch break, come home and the day is finished.

Stay at home moms, or working moms days are never over. They dont stop even at bed time- because a house full of kids means someone is awake with some issue, which means you're awake.

Bathing the kids every few days for a couple months while you're at the hight of a pregnancy is not unfair or unrealistic. I would think he would enjoy spending some fun time with the kids, and knowing that he's helping you out.

Answer 5

i have 3 children also. 5,3 and 18 mo. My oldest ahs some special needs which arevery time consuming when it comes to his therapies but it is worth it. Well I totally understand how u feel. SOmetimes I think i am going crazy. For every one thing I put my younger 2 take out 5 things. Its pretyy aweful. My middle child screams all day and is hyperactive. I cant take him anywhere to burn his energy because he may decide to run into the street it is too dangerous. My husband helps very little. He loves them but just isnt hands on. Try teaching them to shower instead of bath and whatever gets clean does. My oldest taught his brother and sister to shower. I put soap in there for them and let all three of them shower. Sometimes I soap them but very sel;dom. I just dry them off when they get out. Put a plastic floor mat in the shower and they'll be fine.
Good luck and i know how you feel,.

Answer 6

No this is not unrealistic, Your husband should help with the kids regardless.

Answer 7

Please dont tell me he's using the "I work all day" excuse?
Like you dont 'work', like he's not a 'father' to his three kids? like he'd doesnt have to 'help' at all raising them?

Since your day is never done and you dont get to come home put your feet up and wait for dinner to be done...his day is also not done when he comes home, he needs to understand parenting does not have timeclocks.

Answer 8

No it isn't unrealistic....your husband should help with these things even if you didn't have back pain.

Answer 9

Talk to your husband about this, not us. If he feels you need to be bathing them, then you may feel the need for him pay for the $100,000 fusion surgery.

Answer 10

Nope, you have had three children!!! Im not a women, but im sure that wasnt an easy job.