Serious question regarding my relationship with my father?

Question

My dad is 74, i'm a 31 yr old female. We were never really close and have always had these super shallow conversations when we do talk. He's a military man and ex cop, not the kind you talk about emotions with. I've never seen him display any emotion over the years other than his default expression (which is stern) or anger.
I used to get all tangled up about not being closer to him. Now that we're both getting older though, i've come to accept our distant relationship. I know he loves me in his own way, just as I love him.
So, my question is, do you think it's ok to have just sort of 'given up' to the idea that this relationship is all we can have, or do I need to keep fighting for something closer?

Wow Lucky, it sounds like we have the same dad! There must have been a mold at some point.

Answer 1

You have learned that you can't make him be someone he isn't (a great life lesson). It doesn't hurt to keep being nice to him and seeing if something more develops, however, don't make yourself crazy. BTW for some men of that generation they saw their role of being a good father as providing for their family and being the stern disciplinarian, the kids emotional development was mom's job (that is what he leaned during his upbringing).

Answer 2

Your dad's age is almost at the finish line, you have said that you were love in his own way, and you feel the same also. You're questioning if you will go on with your dad. That would be an indication that you really love him. There is nothing wrong to do and love him the way you're doing.

There is no manifestation that being a military man would mean exemption to show his love to you. Maybe that is how he express love. You did not mention if he is doing the same to other members of the family. Supposing he is showing affection to your brod and sis, why not ask him what he feels for you.

Don't give up on loving your father, no matter he is not reacting as you expected, he is still your dad. You can count in your fingers his remaining life, so give him the best you can. Remember that all of us has given only one father and mother.

Sometimes we commit mistakes on interpreting other person, don't be judgemental. Include also in your prayers for what affection you've ever wanted.

Answer 3

For every one there is a common law in this world. This law states how the human behaviour must be. The peole who understood this law are living one with the world. Their lives move in easy way smoothly even at the time of difficulties. But tight people who think themselves that they are very strict and peak of discipline always live in tension and lose happiness too. Before they realise the truth, they get older and when they start to act they never stay alive in this world. Certain people are spending their lives like this without enjoying what they have to in time and spill tears at death bed. Make him to realise politely and take him to films which explains this subject. Don't insist or fight. Taking something from others by force wont be sweet. After realising and when you both start to live a new life you may have to face some obstacles. But these obstacles must be over-run till you get to a point. Don't come to a decision and blame each other that you cannot live together. Definitely this is going to happen. If you overcome this obstacle then you will find yourself in the life you wanted.

Answer 4

well my father is similar to yours. I am a 20yr old female and my father is only 42 but he has never really show'n the fatherly side to me. He is more of a friend to me that I dont see or talk to. I as well would like to have a better relationship with my father. But it got closer one day when me and him got into a argument over him abusing my step mother. I just went off. I had enough and told him I never really thought of him as a father and dont respect him. Then after that we became closer. For some odd reason me yelling and telling him how I felt in our own lil strange way worked a lil. You will just have to sit down and mustard up the nerve to tell him how you feel and what you want out of your relationship as father and daughter.

Answer 5

I too have been there done that. Just accept it. HE will never be one of those "cool" 50- something dads that your friends have. He's from a different generation and they did things differently. ALso, no matter what his age, some fathers just aren't into having a close relationship with their adult children. Believe me, he's not trying to be mean - it is just the way he is and the way he was raised.

Answer 6

If that is the way your dad is he is not going to change at 74. No point trying to make him get closer if he isn't really capable of that....as long as you both know you love each other that should be good enough.

Answer 7

I wouldn't give up. Your father won't be around forever and I'd hate for him to die and you regret all the things you didn't say or didn't know about him. As a military man, he probably saw and went through things that were extremely traumatic. Many military men don't want to discuss their time in the service for this reason. He doesn't have to recount every gory detail for you to be close to him. But you can start talking to him about this stuff and see what happens.

Here's another thought: there are books that have all of the things you'd like to know with blanks after them. You give someone the book and they fill out all the information. You can give him one of those books and see if he's willing to fill it out. It's questions like: "what did you want to be when you were a little boy?"

Answer 8

me and my dad are the same way. growing up i got so mad because he wouldnt go out of his way to call me or see me. i grew up with divorced parents. im 23 now and i have accepted who he is. i know he loves me and i can go to him whenever i need him. i have my own house now and ive lived here for a year. he has never been here once. whenever i want to see him and his family i go over there and thats how its always been. if i want to stop by i just do. if i want to spend a holiday with them i ask them what there doing and im always welcome. my brother on the other hand doesnt understand this. he grew up with my step dad and they have the father and son bond. my brother hasnt seen my dad in years and wont change his ways cause of the way my dad is. your not going to be able to change your dad so i would just go with things the way they are. its would be too stressful to try and change things now and it will leave you feeling even worse when he doesnt respond the way you think he should. its great that you still have your father in your life.

Answer 9

Love your dad while u have the chance, life is to short put behind the things that he hurted you with when u was young.

Answer 10

You can't change people! Especially at that age. My father has been the same, very strict, quiet, shallow conversations, critical. I don't call him, he doesn't call me. He said he did his best raising us kids. My brother won't even speak to him. I wounldn't even sweat it, let it go. It's like Metallica sings, Sad but True!