Moms - have you found other moms to be more supportive or critical?

Question

I've found that ever since I became a mother (2 years ago) that other moms are more critical than helpful. I've been told over and over again what I should or shouldn't do with my son, even when I don't ask for advice (I'm not talking about on Yahoo Answers but in real life). And, they aren't particularly nice about it (they can be rude and condescending and again, when I haven't even asked for advice). And, it's forced me to turn away from these moms altogether. I'm very courtesy to others...never give unsolicited advice b/c I hate it myself. Just curious if others have experience this or not.

I'm a SAHM and with my son 24/7. I've gotten comments when I follow my child (back then he was barely 2) on the playground b/c I worried about him falling b/c my son (at the time and still sometimes now) will try and walk off from a 5 ft entrance or when my son just didn't nap anymore (didn't get tired until 4 or 5pm - too late for a nap b/c then bedtime would be 10:30 or 11 - my son has never been a great sleeper, never slept long hours and a nap, either it was a nap and late bedtimes, no matter what we tried) I would get "all children need naps" or "to me...that looks like he is tired" in a condescending and rude tone if my son was looking a bit tired but not tired enough to sleep. I'm educated and a school counselor and am doing the best I can with my child and just get so tired of it all. My son also doesn't like big groups and when we tried playgroup for awhile, he kept wanting to go home. So, I took a bit of a break after the advice of one of my best friends (a pediatrician).

continued...

and just got more hell from others about how I needed to force him to stay, etc...I took him out after talking to my friend b/c I want him to go to preschool next year at 3 and don't want every social experience lately to have him wanting to go home. I'm not taking him out of everything social but just the bigger group thing. But, of course, got more "advice" from others when I didn't ask for it. Sorry for going on but just so tired of this. I feel like I can't even have just normal conversations about my son and what we are up to without being criticized. And, one friend, even suggested that my son might be autistic b/c he drinks a lot of milk (that was her reason - nothing else)! (Her son is autistic and I think that's on her mind but a bit rude). Ok...stopping my vent.

Answer 1

I believe no matter where you go, someone will be criticizing you no matter if it is verbally aloud or silent. Seems like today's society is all about appearances and moral standings. I have come across a few mom who have wittingly tried to play off hurtful remarks. I am not the type of person who lets it fly so normally I ask straightforward what their issue is. Most of the time they are shocked because they aren't expecting a comeback. If someone says somethings to you about your child or yourself, you should stick up for yourself and make your opinion known. I am not encouraging bad behavior like fights but telling another mom to worry about her child instead of mine would be my path, espically if the remark is something petty and not of serious nature. Every mom/dad will make mistakes with their children as will the child no matter how many times you tell them over and over. I look at the health of my kids, happiness and overall love they have and when I am confronted with negative people, I remind myself that sometimes their are people who can't help themselves. You are not alone in this. Great Question!!!

Answer 2

I havent. If anyone gives me advice, even if i didnt ask for it I always consider it instead of considering it offensive. Usually its advice given by a mother who I know isnt as good at parenting as she ought to be, so I tend to just feel flattered that she thinks she's helping and laugh about the fact that she might actually WANT someone to be in a parenting situation like her own. lol.

I hardly ever have mom's trying to give me advice, theyre usually asking me for advice, because my son is the obvious result of good parenting- even at 10 months.

I know I am a good mom, and I know exactly what Iam doing, so I just dont find advice offensive. Plus, if i do get lost, Iam more than happy to ask someone who's been in my shoes.

So no, Ive never found it annoying.

Answer 3

unsolicited advice is part and parcel of being a parent,you learn to accept the useful,and ignore the irrelevent or critical.as this is your first child you are probably more sensitive about this than if you were a mother of two or more.in my experience people just want to help(most of the time) be confident in yourself and your abilities as a mother.no one knows your child like you do.relax,and dont let this spoil the precious early years of your childs life.

Answer 4

Oh yes, I've had that experience. Sometimes other moms think they know it all and feel they must tell you what you are doing wrong (it is wrong to them because it isn't what they would do) even when you have not asked for their opinion. You did the right thing by distancing yourself from them. Like you, I do not appreciate unsolicited advice.

Answer 5

I know. I am in a mother's support group and our kids play together. We used to have this one mom in the group that insisted SHE knew what was best. For example, kids should only eat soy. When we went out to eat, she'd order the healthiest things and she'd try to get us moms to do the same. And one time she took us to her house and when my daughter ACCIDENTILY dropped a plastic plate, she said I should punish her! I think some parents should keep their mouthes shut. Their OUR kids, we can do what we want to.

Answer 6

I think you're hanging around the wrong people. I have found other moms to be overwhelmingly supportive. But on the occasion that someone is rude to you, and some people will be, you have every right to call them on it.

Answer 7

I've found other moms are mostly supportive, but there's always a critic - but actually, the most critical one is my single, childless friend...she's got an opinion on everything to do with kids...love her, but wow...

Answer 8

I am happy to say, no I haven't :) I consider myself lucky too. I would hate it as well if people were like that to me about my parenting... People were like that to my mother when she was raising us and she hated it!
I am sorry those people are like that to you and you did the right thing to stay away from them. They are YOUR children, no one should be telling you how to raise them... especially when you haven't even asked for advice.

Answer 9

dont worrie about what other think if you feel you are doing a good job let them have there say put dont let it worrie you everyone is differant and has a differant way to do things , if the chid is happy all is good :-]