I am miserable with my new religion?

Question

My American fiance's family are born again Christians, they would not even meet me unless I converted. So I did because I love him, but there are so many things I do not understand, they do not make sense to me, and I am told it is just so...no one explains to me.Away from his family my fiance doesn't even practice his religion he only does it in front of his family, My family accepted him without forcing him to change....shall I leave this strange religion and risk to lose my love, or keep pretending like he does? Please help me

Answer 1

If you are not happy with the present situation, change it, tell your fiance how you feel. you have to make the choice, stay or leave!

Answer 2

There are a number of churches that call themselves "Christian" but engage in cult-like practices that have nothing to do with real Christianity. It sounds like this family might be part of such a church.

But in any case, I think the far bigger concern for you at the moment is this guy you're looking to marry. There is a reason for the engagement period: To really discover what kind of person you're marrying. If this man is living one life around his family and another life everywhere else, then there is a real possibility that he is either (1) a two-face, or else (2) spineless and still too attached to his parents.

Of course none of us know this guy, and so we can only go on the information you've given us; but you should examine the situation closely, and make sure the picture you've painted for us is really truthful. If it is, then you may have some serious questions to ask about your engagement.

As always, you should seek the advice of close friends, and of your own family. I'd be mortified if my answer caused you to wrongly break up with a good guy.

Answer 3

First, do not pretend, that is mocking God.
I would leave. I must admit that "born again" Christians tend to be a little "culty". Christian love and compassion tend to extend only to other "born agains" and prospective converts. The really serious ones certainly seem to have an elitist air about them.

Having worked in the Funeral business I have become acquainted with people of many faiths. The serious born again Christians always asked me if I was. I had a few different answers:
1. Yes, when I received the Holy Spirit at my baptism; when I was 5 days old.
2. Yes, when Christ died, arose, and ascended.
3. Yes, every time I confess my sins, and am assured by Scripture (or receive absolution) that I am forgiven.

These answers are all correct according to the Bible, yet born agains deny their validity.

As in all groups, sects, and cults they try to sequester their members, that is keep them out of other Churches because they may hear teachings that conflict with theirs.

I'm a Confessional Lutheran, I lead a youth Bible class, and we just finished a series on other Christian denominations. I have also told them that if they are invited to another Church to go, but interpret what they hear in the light of Scripture.

We have a number of mixed marriages in my congregation. There are some that are Lutheran/Catholic, Lutheran/Presbyterian. They all are faithful attenders at their various Churches, but do go back and fourth for special services.

You did not marry his parents. Your love will keep you together, and if you keep praying for the in laws, the may eventually come around, and show some of that Christian love that the preach about.

Your friend in Christ.

Mark

Answer 4

I am a skeptic about this question. But I will answer it sincerely anyway.
1) I have yet to meet a set of born-again Christian parent who would refuse to meet someone, anyone based on whether they are of the same religion. If what you are saying is true, then I imagine that you are dealing with some folks who have an extremely skewed view of Christianity. Now, I do understand why they would discourage their son from marrying a non-believer. As it strongly, strongly advised against.
2) If you converted just to meet them, then you are not Christian. And as far as the "it is just so" nothing is really like that. Some things we really do not understand yet. But those are things like when is Christ coming again.
3) If your fiance is willing to lie to his parents about something so significant about his faith in Christ.... what is he lying to you about? Because if he does not practice his religion anywhere but in front of his family.... he has no religion but hypocrisy.

There is just something about the way you have worded your question, the manner in which you ask which makes me doubt the truth of any of it.

Answer 5

From what you have said, I would doubt that any of them are really born-again Christians. They sure don't act like it. Maybe they call themselves Christians but that doesn't mean they are Christians. They could be going to church three times a week like I did when I was living with my parents, but that doesn't make them Christians, either, any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car.

I think this is a very serious issue and you should resolve this before marriage. It could definitely be a deal-breaker. You don't need to get caught up in a legalistic/hypocritical family (no matter what religion it is).

I also suggest you pray to the God of the Holy Bible for help with all this. If you pray sincerely, He will answer your prayers.

God bless you.

Answer 6

Religion is commonly know as belief. That's why you've got to believe what it says in order to be of a certain religion. In this situation, you'll have to weigh if you can sacrifice your love for your own beliefs or the other way round. But since your fiance does not even practices his religion, I guess you don't have to worry too much. Sometimes you can just consult him on things you don't know and since you've made the decision to convert, be responsible for your decision and try to understand it by reading up or consulting someone. Always stay open minded and good luck! :D

Answer 7

that's not the best example your fiance's family could set. we are commanded to love one another unconditionally, for the benefit of all. you need to be straightforward with your fiance and tell him you are uncomfortable with this. if he has any knowledge of or respect for his religion, he'll fill you in. if he's just pretending, he can't help you. if you ARE interested in learning about christianity, however, this site can help you a great deal.

http://www.gotquestions.org/born-again.html

there are many many christian topics discussed on this site, and the articles are written in a way that's easy to understand. this way you can study up, and you'll have a better idea of what it is you're getting into before you make a decision. if you still have questions, feel free to email me or send me a message through my profile. i'm a confessional lutheran, and not a ''born-again,'' but i'm still christian. i do stay true to my religion and i do know quite a bit about it. i'll be more than happy to help you in any way i can.

best wishes,
drew

Answer 8

All I have to say is that unless a person is sincere in what he/she believes, it is of no worth. I think it would be great if your fiancé was a Christian, but pretense is worthless and dishonest. If you're fiancé was an actual Christian, I'd be wondering why he's marrying a non-believer, since the Bible speaks against that. I think it's awful that his family wouldn't meet you unless you convert, which again, is meaningless if it's not from the heart. I am a Christian, and "it is just so" is NOT a good answer. You can email me and ask me your questions if you like, and I'll do my best to answer.

Answer 9

i can relate because i'm having the same prob with my boyfriend... i am a born again christian myself and my boyfriend wants me to convert to his religion so that we can get married... The reason you're miserable is because you had the wrong reason for converting. You did not understand what being a born again christian means... your problem is that there are so many things that you didn't understand about the faith you went into. my suggestion is to exert more effort in trying to understand the bases for their faith. attend some Bible study... now, if that still won't work try asking this question, "what is more important to you, your happiness or your boyfriend?" now, if your happiness is also being with your boyfriend, then it pays to walk the extra mile... in the long run, things will become clearer to you... THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS... YOU PRAY FOR GOD'S GUIDANCE AND HIS WILL FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

It depends on how often you have to deal with his family. If you'll only be seeing them once in awhile, then sure, go along with it. Treat it like a game, see how well you can convince them. It doesn't hurt to a do a little acting for his family if need be (we do it anyway... most of us would never swear, scratch ourselves, walk around naked, etc., in front of our significant other's family).

But if you see them and interact with them on a regular basis, it's not worth it. Playing a part for a little while every now and then is one thing. Spending your entire life pretending to be something you're not is a whole other.

Answer 11

Please do not compromise your own beliefs for these bigots.

You seem articulate and well-spoken. I'm sure you can make up your own mind.

No family should behave so reprehensibly. If I were you, I would not waste a second appeasing these brutes. You cannot lose. If your fiance loves you, he will understand your concerns. If he isn't worth a marriage, he will also prove it to you by acting like his atrocious relatives, in which case you will have made a good decision to leave!

Here's hope to you.