I have been living with my BF for 7 months and we are very happy &I have always trusted him. But, He went out with a girl for 5 years before he met me and they were engaged. They had been seperated 2 years before he met me, but they kept traveling the 4 hours to see each other every 6 weeks or so for sex basically. He stopped seeing her when he met me and I never had a problem with him still caring for her as they were together so long, as long as he was honest with me.
The thing is, I am going to New Zealand for 3 weeks with my mum and he sent me a txt message by accident, it was meant for his EX. Saying that "he wants to go up and see her for a weekend in Jan as he still wants to be friends and he has 3 weeks of Freedom! If that is ok with her."
If he had said he wanted to see her I wouldn't mind, I would trust him not to do anything, but doing it behind my back whilst I am away makes me feel sick. I love him so much but do I confront him and risk us splitting up? or wait
2007-11-23 21:53:26 · 15 answers · asked by RiceCake 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm so so sorry. That had to hurt.
I think you'll probably get the best advice from your mum or best friend, someone who knows you both pretty well.
Best of luck
2007-11-23 22:03:05 · answer #1 · answered by Sands 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would honestly be suspicious of the text message. You obviously know him better than me but a past 5-year relationship just doesn't go away. I think he didn't tell you for a reason either a) he didn't want drama (not knowing how you would react) or b) he is going up there to do you-know-what.
I think you should confront him and be honest with your feelings. However I'm struggling on the ideal time when you should do it. If you confront him before the trip then you might never know his real reason for going up there. If you confront him after the trip then you may get a more honest answer from him. That is, if he was going up there to do you-know-what, it is easier for him to lie about it before hand since he hasn't done anything yet.
If you truly believe he would never do anything and you've never been suspicious of his behavior in the past then I would confront him before your trip to give him a chance to explain.
2007-11-24 06:15:09 · answer #2 · answered by to the b. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront him. One one hand, its messed up how he said 3 weeks of freedom. What does that mean? He can do whatever he wants that could ruin your relationship? On the other hand, saying "if that is ok with [you]" might mean he still cares what you think first?
If you confront him and you split up, would that be better than not confronting him and not splitting up? I would think that suggests what he does with other girls behind your back is ok with you. I rather not have a gf than have a gf that I'm always suspicious about. It saves me from a lot of emotional pain in the long(er) run.
Also, building up trust with each other helps in a relationship. Not only him trusting you, but you trusting him. I would think possibly getting revenge on him by doing what he does to you, if any, is not the way to go.
2007-11-24 06:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by SailorDumb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, something ain't right about that, don't trip about it, jus let em know that u kno about tha text msg, and don't worry about it. Go to New Zealand and have a good time, and figure out if thats tha type of relationship you really want to have, is it his EX that he really wanna be with, or you? 5 years is a long time, but thats tha past and ur his present, he should realize that and let his ex go, you've been way to nice ta let him go back n forth with his ex, but he should be working on what he has in front of him, you.
2007-11-24 06:10:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront him about the text. You never know you may have got the wrong end of the stick. If he hasn't been faithful chuck him. You can't stick with a man who wants to be with someone else.
2007-11-24 05:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by BAMALAM! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's better to confront him and know than not to do so and wonder. Also, I think he 'accidentally' sent that message because in his heart he wants you to know.
2007-11-24 05:57:03 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are now aware of the fact.Fear of splitting is for him now.
Send back the message asking what is this?
2007-11-24 05:57:17 · answer #7 · answered by ps g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope you saved the text. show him, tell him you need to know the truth about his true feelings for you and relationships are based on trust. if he feels differently about commitment then you need to know now. be prepared for the worst - hope for the best. but do not invest anymore emotional time if he wavers at all. it will suck but you will have to cut him loose.
2007-11-24 06:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, time to break up. I fot furious when just reading your question. Don't spoil your holiday!
2007-11-24 06:06:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him its not like you snooped in his phone he sent it to you by mistake. see what he says he meant by it and why didn't he mention it to you about wanting to see her. If you still don't feel good about it then wave goodbye to him
2007-11-24 05:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋