Am I wrong?

Question

I am 19yrs old and my husband is 21. We have 5yo twin girls. Yes this does mean I got prenant at 13 and delivered at 14. We were really stupid and thought that I couldn't get pregnant that young. Anyway, when I was 16, I had a little boy. As soon as I turned 18, my boyfriend and I got married. We both work and fully support ourselves and our kids. We're not rich by any means but we get by. My kids are happy and healthy. The girls just started kindegarten and are doing fine. But my family, especially my grandparents, still think I should give all three of my kids up for adoption because we're too young for kids that age and they'll grow up with problems. My husband and I think that they're wrong & our kids are fine. Do you think I should give my kids up for adoption? Will they grow up all right even though we're really young? It would kill me to lose them, but I don't want to keep them if it will end up hurting them in the long run. Help me please.

Thanks for all the support. We just don;t know what to do. My husband said he'd rather die than give up his kids and I agree totally. My mom's parents keep threatening to call CPS. My dad and his parents have been absolutely wonderful saying that CPS wouldn't take our kids away just because we're young.
We give our kids the best we can. They have all the neccessities and we try to treat them to things as much as we can. They aren't deprived.
My grandparents are always shoving all these statistics under our noses going 'your kids are going to end up as drug addicts and murders if you don't give them to a better home' No I can show them all these answers and tell them to shove off and leave us alone.
Thank you so much and if you'd like to, you can e-mail me at [e-mail]. I love making new friends, especially ones that are interested in my kids. :)

Answer 1

It's a little late at this point.
Giving them away now will CAUSE more problems than it will solve.

The next time your family gives you a hard time, send the children from the room and tell them, flat out, that you don't want to hear that anymore.

Stand up for yourself, your kids and your family. It's hard, but you gave birth to twins at 14!!!! You have the guts to do it, so quit taking that crap from them.

If they don't stop, consider breaking off contact. Life is too short to deal with this. You have enough to do in a day than worry and wonder what your family (who are supposed to love and support you) are thinking.

It's common for mothers to doubt themselves. To be terrified that they will do the wrong thing. Take it a day at a time and know your kids are better off than many other children.

Answer 2

You sound like loving parents to me. As long as there are no drugs or alcohol in the home and the kids are well cared for, CPS won't do anything. I'd tell your parents and grandparents to just butt out. If they are sending you any type of support they will feel they can tell you what to do, so that's a good reason for being on your own. If it bothers you this much, keep your contact with your family to a minimum. Nobody needs that kind of grief. This sounds so unfair! Age does not equal good parenting. Even adoptive parents can be lousy at it. You'd regret it if you gave them up. (At the ages they are, they've formed strong bonds with you and it would hurt them terribly if you gave them up.)

Answer 3

Oh wow that is harsh! If my mom ever threatened that I'd say go right ahead mommy dear, the kids have a mommy and daddy, roof over their head, food in their belly's, clothes on their back, a toys to play with. CPS won't take your kids just cuz you are young. The only way that they can take away your children is if there is abuse and/or negligence. They say that it will mess them up by being with you? Your 5 year olds are now used to your mommy and he's daddy, the love you more than anything there is. You just hand them over to strangers, they don't know why, you can't tell them in a way they will understand. THAT will mess them up more than anything. The time for adoption is way passed due, from birth is really the only way you can do it. You should ask your mom what the hell her deal is. You are doing nothing wrong in anyway.

Answer 4

seems to me like you are both doing fine bringing up your family.. You've coped with having twins at a very young age...Giving them up for adoption may well give them more emotional problems than you 2 bringing them up..seems your only "crime" has been having children too young..you support your children , they are healthy and happy...
Just watch out the children do not pick up on the negative comments made by the family.



I'm sure if CPS were gonna get involved they would have when you were pregnant or 1st had the twins, not 5yrs down the line when it seems you ae managing really well......even then they'd not take themjust cos you were young when they were born...
This is a nice story of how sometimes young parents can cope really well. obviously no one is saying becoming a parent so young is exactly ideal but sometimes it can work out........I became a mother at 20yr old and it's hard work even at 20...........

Answer 5

wow. You started young, REAL young. You're 19 and have 3 kids. But if you can support them financially, give them the love and care that they need, you and your husband are happy, and your kids are happy and healthy, i'd say NO, KEEP them. It is shown that children that have teenage parents grow up to have emotional problems, some more than others. But in most of these cases, The parents couldn't give them the love and attention that they needed and deserved. But you send your children to school, they are healthy, and happy. I think you are a wonderful person. And i do not think you are wrong in anyway. I pretty much envy you right now. I'm 16.

You're my idol. I would actually like to talk to you more. You seem very wise for such a young age.

More power to you!!
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, AND YOUR KIDS!!

Answer 6

You deserve all the respect and support of your family for trying so hard to be good parents and raise your children as best as you can, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. It doesn't matter how young you are - what is important is that you love, care and provide for your children. You have had kids really young and that is tough but your question shows a lot of maturity and courage - so well done to you and your husband. I am sorry that your family are not being more supportive. You should definitely not consider adoption. Adoption is for people who either don't want or can't look after their kids - you seem to be doing just fine and your little ones are better off with their mum and dad.

All the best for the future.

(Mum of 2 toddlers).

Answer 7

Unless there are things you are not telling us, you sound like the two of you have done a remarkable job about caring for your children and remaining stable at such a young age. You are still with the father of all your children. You say your kids are healthy and happy. I assume you are still relying on some of your families help to make it though. Which by all means is fine as well. Ofcourse you need help at that age, all parents do no matter their age or maritial status.

I would advise that you do whatever you need to do to no longer be dependant on your family in any way financially or even in child care. If you guys are providing for your children yourself and keeping them safe healthy and happy, cps has no reason to take you kids, even if they are called.

I think if you needed to give up your children you would have come to that conclusion much sooner and already done it.

Answer 8

Hey.. we all struggle.. REGARDLESS OF AGE!!!! Your whole questions seems that you have a 100% head on your shoulders... both of you! Except for the question about giving them up... why would you even ask that!!! As a mom you should know at this point that is not even an option! Your Grandparents are wrongly mistaken.. If your kids lost their parents NOW... that would be what messes them up. Have them go see any councilor and they will tell you that! Not to mention who is to say that by giving them away they will get a better life? At least YOU know your kids are okay when they are with you!

Besides that: A huge pat on the back for being great parents. We all struggle... and we all make mistakes. It is what we do AFTER the mistakes that really show who we are. You are being a great mom taking care of your kids! Who cares what anyone else says. keep being a great Mom and enjoy the years after they are all grown up and you are still so young you can ENJOY life as a young energetic grandma! :) Kudo's to you!

Answer 9

I say you should keep them.
It sounds like you've done all the hard work already, and it seems things are going ok. I agree with the others that it would be worse for them now if you did that and there would be separation and rejection issues for the twins and heartbreak for you as you have built your lives around them.
No adoptive parental income will ever make up for that.
I know it's easy to say because they aren't my family, but anyone in your family not supporting you in this should be ashamed and I shouldn't allow them access to your children.
Encourage them with school and college ( let your grandparents help with this if they change their tune), teach them early what is right and wrong, use your common sense, and they've got the best chance there with you.
You're not wrong, you know the right answer.

Answer 10

I had my daughter at 17 and she is also just starting Kindergarten this year. Fortunately for me I had a supporting family that respected my decisions, but my husbands family did not.

You have to do what you think is best. If you and your husband have came this far than you can definitely do it! Just love your children and support them the best you can. Just because they may not have the best of everything doesn't mean that they will have problems. I honestly feel like I have been able to connect better with my daughter than my mother did with me. I can also say proudly that I am leaps and bounds better at parenting than my own were.

Being older doesn't necessarily make you a good parent. I have seen plenty of people who have their kids in their late thirties and early forties who are too set in their ways and selfish when it somes to being a parent. A good parent provides a loving and stable home for their children.

Good luck to you and I'm glad to see another young mother and father doing whats best for their children. Tell your grandparents to mind their own business or to stay out of your lives!