Well, I'm not engaged, and don't plan to be for....atleast 3 years lol....but I am having an argument with a friend about what a groom can decide for the wedding...
I was telling my friend(a girl) that I wanted all white flowers, and of a few specific kinds. She told me that I don't have a say because it's not about me...
Why is it a big deal if I just ask that one thing?
2007-11-23 17:10:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sorry, I meant to put "What *say* does the groom have"
2007-11-23 17:11:24 · update #1
It should be 50-50, but some woman are control freaks.
2007-11-23 17:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by airreca 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is NOT all about the Bride . . and it is NOT all about the Groom . . it is about the Bride AND Groom and what they want as a couple. This is their first big test of negoiation, compromise and sharing . . and if they don't pass these tests then they should go no further.
True story . . about two years ago the Groom and his Mother picked out everything for a wedding (the menu, the disc jockey, the flowers, the wedding cake, the wedding rings, the reception site, and the photographer) because the Bride was away at college. She had no idea that they had signed contracts and given deposits without discussing these plans with her first. She was so upset about the Groom and his Mother taking "the joys of planning a wedding" away from her that she cancelled the wedding and gave back the engagement ring (and the Groom and his Mother lost most of their deposit money).
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-11-23 22:26:05 · answer #2 · answered by Avis B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The bride and groom to be should both have equal say in the wedding since the day is about BOTH of them. If the groom doesn't want to help in the planning then obviously she gets to decide everything. BUT there are those girls who believe the day is all about them so what they say goes (that should say something about their character and will probably be a glimpse of what the future will be like). Yes, a lot of girls dreamed of this day since they were younger and it tends to be kind of girly (dressing up, flowers, etc) but it is just as much of her day as it is his.
To answer your other question about why is it a big deal to ask for one thing, to me it really isn't a big deal to make a request about flowers you would like, but the bride may have something else in mind. If she dreamed about her wedding all her life she's going to want it that way.
I'm just going by what I have read. I didn't start thinking about my wedding until I knew I was getting married, I'm not a fan of wedding stuff, and I include my fiance in everything. So if I'm wrong about what I said, sorry. That is just what I've observed.
2007-11-24 07:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mekana 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends. Most men don't really care as long as they have their bride to be there and whoever else is important to them. Personally for myself, when/if I do get married (which won't be at least for another 5 years), I have certain things that I WANT for the wedding such as certain songs played, the setting (a beach wedding for myself, I'm not religious), certain type of flowers, and the cake. That said, I personally would compromise -- say he wanted a chocolate cake, and I want vanilla. Half and half. Or he wanted daisies, and I want roses. Half and half.
My point is, the guy can be just as involved if he wants to be. The problem is most guys will just agree with their bride to be, in fear that she will be upset if he doesn't. However I see planning a wedding as the first big step in marriage - if you can't come to an agreement/compromise on something silly such as music or flowers, what does that say about the rest of your marriage?
2007-11-23 18:24:48 · answer #4 · answered by Scorpio 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it´s a good relationship, you should plan it together, and have as much say as you would like, given, of course, your taste. If you have tacky taste, the bride should veto things...but remember, the bride and her family usually pay for it, and they usually have final say in most matters.
You talk things out. And try to plan things together.
I had a complete plan for what I wanted my wedding to be like when I was twelve, and I didn´t get married until I was 34. I had been a wedding photographer for several years, and had plucked ideas from a whole bunch of people. My plans didn´t have a whole lot of room for flexibility. Luckily, my husband had little to say about things, and his less than compatible taste only come through a couple of times. His one big suggestion was "tuxes are fruity...unless I can wear a western style one." Luckily, western was in style, and they were available; We met in Western dance class, so it sort of fit a theme; and it worked well with my 22 year old theme for a gown, so all worked out well.
I´m guessing, your girlfriend is not the one for you, but no matter who the bride is, you will have to contend with the mother of the bride, who CAN be a control freak, and, since in most cases, she´s the one paying, she may demand final say.
2007-11-23 18:50:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you marry someone, both of you should not be in love with the same person. You should love each other. One of the reasons divorce is so high, is because there is a sense of entitlement in this country that is so pervasive. It is not only about the woman. Now, the facts are this, most men want to see their women happy and are not concerned about the details. However, if you have input, speak up.
I decided that my reception was not going to have alcohol. My wife's mother did not understand. There was no compromise, I got my way because my WIFE respected my wishes.
We have been married for almost ten years and both of us are masters at knowing what battles are worth fighting for. Moreover, we love each other enough not to trivialize the other's feelings, desires, wants or needs.
I wish you well.
2007-11-23 17:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well hopefully when that day comes the bride and the groom can agree on the stuff and then they both have a say.
My husband didn't care about anything except the music. He has specific pieces he wanted played.
2007-11-23 17:16:59 · answer #7 · answered by Danie S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I HAVE NO IDEA!!!
I think the guy should definitely have some say in the matter, it's his wedding!!!
yes it's the girls family who plans the wedding...but still he's getting married so I think he should have a say in it...I don't see a reason why he shouldn't.
the wedding is not just about the girl and her mom, it's about the girl and the guy she's getting married to.
2007-11-23 17:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the bride and groom make the decisions together
if the groom doesnt want to be involved, which is usually the case, the woman takes over. but the wedding is much the grooms as it is the brides, so comprimise has to be made
2007-11-23 17:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You do have a say if you want one. I'd let my guy pick out some stuff. Automatically I'm going to out him in charge of the tuxes, picking ushers, best man (obvious), half the guests and food. But he he wants to do more; hey, less work for me. Its great that you want a say, most guys don't.
I want all white flowers too.
2007-11-24 23:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by Lady of the Garlic Elves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋