I have a really small family, my mom and dad, brother (and wife) and sister (and boyfriend) plus me, these are the only people at our family holiday dinners as I have no extended family and faux family members have married off into their own families- this year my boyfriend has requested that I attend his family party for christmas eve because he feels sad we're not together over the holidays (dont' get me wrong, i do too!) but my thing is this, my family is small and getting smaller (my sister and boyfriend won't even be at this year's christmas, they'll be at his) while my boyfriend has a huge extended family that gets together in full force- I'm not going to lie, i would feel ridden with guilt and probably have a horrible time thinking of my mom and dad and brother by themselves- I'm trying to hold my family together, what am I supposed to do in these situations when I look really selfish? I tried to explain but I know that doesn't change the fact he wants me there too... help?
2007-11-23 17:08:07 · 6 answers · asked by peaches11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
by the way- my mom has no siblings, and my dad's family all lives in another country- they have friends that I'm sure would love to have them, but we're also trying to hold on to and practice the customs from our culture passed down to us by our grandparents and so on and so forth- I feel really trapped, like I can't win no matter what I do
2007-11-23 17:10:19 · update #1
have you ever met his side of the family ? Why not have his family over to your parents house for that holiday + help out your mom with the preparation + cooking. If not then how about splitting the day between the 2 families ? you go to his family one yr, then yours the next. Or Boxing Day (in Canada - Dec. 26th) is a holiday which is when my family members would go to their grandma's for a meal, visit friends, ...
you could go out for a meal, coffee for everyone to get together. Altho' I'm not really sure how far apart the 2 families live.
Its normal that you are feeling guilty but, parents have kids + know that they go their own way. Its normal. You could see if your sister could invite your parents over to her b/f's house. After all it shouldn't be laid totally in your hands. Have your siblings help you figure out a solution. : )
Something for you to think about ? I am an only child, a grandparent, + I do feel responsible for my parents well-being. You dont know how lucky you are to be able to spend holidays with your parents, b/f family + your siblings too. This is one thing an only child misses out on, siblings. Take advantage of spending as much time with both sides. You are so very lucky to have them : ) Dont take it for granted.
2007-11-23 17:28:04 · answer #1 · answered by toobingaddict 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. I have a very small family as well. When my wife and i got married we spent time with her family and very little time with mine. I do regret not spending more time with my family.
Spending time with your family is the most important thing during the holidays you can do. As we go on with our lives. we get busy and neglect our parents because we are trying to get our own life on track.
How about xmas eve, Spend a few hours with your family then off to the big bash with his. And then x-mas day with your folks.
2007-11-24 01:37:25 · answer #2 · answered by Big Deal Maker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably with your boyfriend most of the time...during a time when the family is supposed to be together, I think you should suck it up a bit, and spend it with your family.
Yes, I think it is selfish you spend the holidays with your boyfriend. He comes from such a huge family that you he will survive you not being there. But your family, like you said, smaller and smaller and then you not there - how depressing!
2007-11-24 01:23:11 · answer #3 · answered by Maria U 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the party for a couple of hours - your parents will understand. You're probably making more of an issue about it than they are. What's going to happen when you get married someday?? You can't ALWAYS spend time with just your family - this is what growing up is all about, sweetie - compromise.
2007-11-24 01:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by Flusterated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your family is so small, why cant he invite your family to the party. Or if that wont work split your time in half and spend a little time with both families.
2007-11-24 01:13:55 · answer #5 · answered by LaTrice B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why can't you spend Christmas eve with his familly and Christmas Day with your familly????
2007-11-25 09:15:59 · answer #6 · answered by al b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋