I'll try to summarize everything. We had to give my fiance's brother a ride to their parents vacation home 3 hours away. His brother told his dad that we were going to be late leaving, because I needed to see my mom... his dad went ballistic. He then told his dad that we'd have to leave their house early so that we could get back to see my mom--he still said no way.
My fiance said that if I went w/him, then we'd for sure come back. At 6pm my fiance told his dad "our dogs are home alone, this is her first t-giving w/out her dad.. and plus her friends dad died". (my dad died recently, my friends dad died yday)
His dad yelled and said "I have more sense than any of you, I'm a doctor and know what I'm talking about. Who cares if she doesn't see her mom-don't put her above us. Her friends dad is dead and it's over with.. and your dogs won't starve over night". This went on for 10 minutes.
How would you feel about this?
2007-11-23 16:38:06 · 15 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I was upstairs when this happened.. he knew that I could hear crystal clear.
2007-11-23 16:40:21 · update #1
My fiance said "I'll make it up to you".
2007-11-23 16:43:34 · update #2
Why is your fiance allowing his father to control him like this? You are a part of the family (or soon will be) and he can't possibly "demand" that his son ignore his fiance and her family on a holiday, especially so soon after losing your father. You'd better take a long hard look at this situation before you marry this guy - this is what you're going to have to deal with from here on. Time for your fiance to get a backbone.
2007-11-23 16:46:19 · answer #1 · answered by Flusterated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance's father is a disgustingly selfish and rude man who owes you a big apology and until you get it don't go to his house any more. He is a Dr. and thinks that he is supposed to have things his way all of the time. Most likely he is intimidated by you because you could come into the family and start to change the status quo. If I were you I would confront this man head to head in a very adult manner, give him plenty of room to throw the big baby yelling fit that we all know is going to, and then let your fiance know that you have a line that you won't let his family cross again. If you don't stand up for yourself than you'll be considered an easy mark for this man's bullying at any time he sees fit.
2007-11-24 00:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by Von 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be incredible hurt! Then I would make it my bussiness to make sure I never see the ****** again! At this time in your life you need compassion, not punishment! Jeez! whats his bedside manner like anyway? Your mother needed you, and he claimed to be more important than her? Your fiance may be a wonderful guy, but your going to be marrying into this family, are you sure you don't want to wait till dear old dad bites the big one first? I can't see you having a very good time at ANY family functions with this guy around. And why did your future Bro-in-law snitch you out? Just so he could watch the show, or so that dad would ***** at you instead of him? All of the girls that I've gone out with are glad I don't see my dad, cause he can be that way too! We do holidays by our selves or with her people, and that suits me just fine! I've had evough of him growing up, I don't need him to screw up the rest of my life, and thats the attitude that your man should have too!
2007-11-24 00:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd feel pretty annoyed like I'm sure you do, because it's a foretaste of some of what you can expect from your future in-laws. But I am also encouraged that your fiance stood up to them (as he should have) and at least attempted to get them to see reason...that is an extremely good sign. I guess you'll have to build from there. His father has some infantile control issues, but your fiance doesn't appear to be beat down by them, so there isn't any fear that he'll allow them to arbitrarily control him and interfere with your relationship once you're married....but oh boy, are YOU gonna have some in-law horror stories! Good luck to you.
2007-11-24 00:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well your friend had no business in this conversation. That shouldn't have been brought up at at...Irrelevant. Also, the Dog's shouldn't have been brought up at all either!! No way.
The dad was insensitive about YOU not getting to be with your mom...but then again, he likely planned a nice thanksgiving dinner....
Once you are a couple, there is always going to be conflicts with who can go where, and who can spend time with who..
Next year make the arrangements well in advance!!!! In the mean time, forget about it. Thats typical holiday stuff. You still got to see your Mom right? In short, you shouldn't react. The Dad will apologize for his behavior in time. Be the better person.
Years from now remember this occasion when you have planned a big thanksgiving dinner, and at the last minute, your son or daughter tells you, Oh yeah we'll be late, my boyfriends Dog is sick and also we have to have dinner at my boyfriends house, so we can't spend as much time with you guys..
Don't worry..it will happen.
Try to hold your tongue when you want to scream..WTF..I've slaved cooking this dinner and your're telling me some damn dog is sick!!!!
2007-11-24 00:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it happened this year and you're not married... it will happen from now on.
Take a stand.
Confront your Fiance NOW , or this will be the scenario for the rest of your life.
You count too.
Set something up NOW and be firm that you will see BOTH families. If you don't set something up before you get married.. AND STICK TO IT.. all your holidays will be miserable from now on.
And next time take the dogs with you.. maybe they can mess in Dr.'s yard or house, since he thinks they can wait overnight! :)
2007-11-24 00:46:30 · answer #6 · answered by Titzen_Ash_23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better get things straightened out with your fiance right now before you marry him that you come before his parents. Otherwise you are in for a lifetime of hell with father in law controlling your husband and your life. If he cant stand up to his father then this will be how it is til the old man dies.
He sounds like a crazed nut case.
2007-11-24 00:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he may be a DR, but he obviously knows nothing about, losing loved ones. Someone needs to tell him he was acting selfishly, and that your family is just as important to you as your fiance's family is. As for the dogs, we never leave ours alone over night either, they will not starve but they do need to answer natures calls. He needs to know that his hurtful tyrant is not acceptable.
2007-11-24 01:02:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiance's father is a total control freak and an thoughtless jerk! In the future go to your mother's for Thanksgiving.
2007-11-24 00:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what an asshole! i think you both should have a serious talk with his dad. you should also let him know that just b/c hes a dr that doesnt make him any better or more important than anyone else and if he cant accept that maybe you wont be going along for any more occasions to visit him
2007-11-24 00:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋