I'm dating this guy who is controlling, but I've developed feelings for someone else. I'm 28 and he's 20, we have a good connection. We are very good with communication, compatibility, compassion, being open about everything and we don't hold anything back when something is bothering either of us. Is it wrong that I was with a man for 6 years that's 29 and now I've met someone who's great to me who's 20? He makes me happy, he adores my son and my son adores him. We are so connected in so many ways and on so many levels. For a 20 year old, he's really mature about relationships and he's really patient and is willing to wait for me. I really care about this guy, but in the back of my mind, I keep asking myself if this is right? It's a big age gap, but I've been told that his age is just a number and it's how we feel about each other and if we make one another happy. Neither of us are looking for anything seriou, we just want to be together but I'm afraid that I'll be frowned on for this.
2007-11-23 15:45:24 · 35 answers · asked by Laverne L-H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he were 18 or younger, I would advise you to let it go, but he is 20 and old enough to see his own way. At one point, age matters little, but on the extreme sides of life it really does, such as when you are both very young or when you both are getting much older.
Let your relationship develop as it should and you will both know the answer to this. Best of luck to both of you.
2007-11-23 15:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by go2seek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is 20... you are 28...
when you are 30, he will be 22...
you will want a house, a spouce, a cat or dog, a carreer,parent teacher conferences... he will want to party...
when you are 38, he will be 30. you will be waiting for the kids to grow up and move out, and he will be just starting to realize that he may want kids(even if he already has them)...
Age may be a number, but people at differt ages are also at different stages in life. he is not even leagle to drink yet. he has not had the party years that many 20-25 year olds have.
you have a child? it's nice that they get along, but would this young'un be able to handle an infant? You did. remember the long night/days for the first several months, when the baby needed fed every few hours, regaurdless of time? Does this boy understand that?
now I ask, How is the conrtolling guy controlling? Is his controll justifyable? ,When he is controlling, is he controlling something that he has a vested interest in? for example, if you go partying all night, and he stayed in, don't you think it's his right to know where his girl has been? Wouldn't you demand the same if he went out? or, if you two go to dinner, and he is paying, doesn't he get the choice of diner? simply stating that he is 'controlling' is meaningless Because, everybody has the right to declair some controll over thier other half(if he doesn't sleep around, then he as the right to demand that you don't either. ) The conciquences of denying all controll is breakup, everytime.
2007-11-23 16:23:29 · answer #2 · answered by shamus_jack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be concerned about potential frowning by others.
Give it some time with thei fellow. Since you're not looking for anything serious right now, who cares about the age thing. If you both decide to get more serious later, you'll both be a bit older and will have a better idea of how well you go toghether.
Don't let the age be a barrier. It means very little in the grand scheme of things.
2007-11-23 15:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's dissect your question.
"I'm dating a guy who is controlling."
Why? Are you out of control?
"I've developed feelings for someone else."
So what?
The age thing will be a bigger problem for him down the road...not you. A man at 20 years old is just happy getting laid! (Sorry, but that is the reality).
So, when you are 40 and he is 32, do you think that might be a problem?
So, I think you answered your own question when you said that neither of you is looking for anything serious (that is bull because you are). So just have some fun together. Don't over think it.
2007-11-23 15:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by huckleberry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, age doesnt matter. Twenty year old guys usually aren't that mature, but my now husband was very mature at that age. Be careful that you're not hooking up with the 20 year old because he's everything your current boyfriend is not. Everyone has their faults and you have to weigh out what is important to you and your child...think about the future where you think this relationship will bring you in your life
2007-11-23 15:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by Lori 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contol = abuse. Chances are if he is controlling this man is also abusive- or will end up being that way. Abuse is just a person who needs/wants control of something- and they use abuse when they feel they are going to lose that control. (obviously abuse can be many many forms, emotional, monetary, physcial, spiritual etc etc) My advice is to leave him as soon as you can- things will only get worse and the longer you are with him the harder it will be to leave. Eventually controlling partners relationships get to the point where it's either "kill them or be killed".... over time because of his control he will widdle away your self esteem and you will think you can never leave- this is why it's soooooo hard for women in those relationships to leave and why people are ignorant/wrong when they say "i dont understand why they didnt just leave.. they deserve what they got".. If you are having problems leaving or knowing how to get out- please call a place for abused women and children and get some counceling/education. You WILL NOT regret it and you will learn the red flags early on in future relationships so you never find yourself in this situation again. Best of luck!
2007-11-23 15:51:29 · answer #6 · answered by Amy Clark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at your respective life spans, in terms of 1/3s. You are 1/2 times older than he. That's quite a stretch.
You are not clear about your relationships. You're dating a guy who is "controlling". Is he the father of your son? If not, who is?
Were you married when your son was conceived and born? You don't say.
You sound rather confused to me, and like a "off the top of your head" person.
I would recommend you get counseling, and for the sake of your son, try to get your life "together".
A confused,
Wotan
2007-11-23 16:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Alberich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is 9 years older than me. I am 39 she is 48.
My sister's long term boyfriend is 13 years younger.
If he's a mature minded 20 then it is no problem.
Best thing is as you both age more the gap seems less and less of an issue.
2007-11-23 15:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is just a number. If the 20 year old is good to you and good to your son, then go for him. Sounds like a good match.
2007-11-23 15:48:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jazzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone who is 8 years younger than you. As long as you two are happy and love each other, that is all that matters!
2007-11-23 15:48:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋