My step son's dont listen to me in particular the 6 yr old?

Question

I often get into an argument about this with my husband but our 6 and 10 yr old do not listen to me. I have to repeat myself often and raise my voice and am getting poor results. I know a kid needs to be a kid but this is a situation where they dont mind or respect me. I'm constantly saying stop kicking me , breaking things of mine in the house, no you cant have 5 pudding cups for dinner , no coloring on my bed sheets with crayons. My husband says im too hard on them especially the 6 yr old . Please help

Answer 1

DUH - I think she knows she is not their mother -

These kids are disrespecting an adult and that is uncalled for. You have every right to discipline those kids when they are in your home and the father should always back you up, if not - he should be #1 disciplinarian.

I have a stepdaughter and have had to go through the same stuff. She just didn't respect anything I had or said. I was tough on her, but I realize I was the adult and I tried getting to know her and talk with her more often when she was at my house. She's doing much better at respecting me and my home and we get along better now.

Your husband should be putting his foot down as well. He needs to be teaching his kids how to respect people and to LISTEN. I'm sure they are defiant because someone has put the idea in their head that they don't have to listen to you because you are not their mother. Give me a break - you are married to their father - it doesn't give them the right to walk all over you.

Answer 2

Its reasonable to expect a ten year old to get the message, but you are expecting too much from a 6yr old. You don't mention if you have kids of your own, but here's a hint, the more you yell the more they will simply tune you out. These kids sound pretty normal. However you don't seem to understand anything about kids. Take a parenting class, educate yourself.

Your husband, their father, should be stepping in to stop any physical violence, no one should be kicking anyone or anything EVER. The rest of it is simply kid stuff and you need to redirect them. "You cannot color on my bed, but here at the table is great!" " You can have one pudding cup after dinner, do you want chocolate or vanilla?" "Accidents happen, but when you break something accidentally, you apologize. The consequence is that you do this chore or that chore, which one will you do."

You need to tell your husband, their father that he isn't doing them any good ignoring their behavior and making you the bad guy. Children need to be guided and nurtured and that is most certainly his job. Don't let him put you in the middle.

Answer 3

You are not being hard enough on the one you need to be hard on--YOUR HUSBAND! These boys are behaving this way because they know it causes you to disagree with each other. Parents MUST demonstrate a united front. On every issue. When something goes wrong from now on, make everyone stop what they are doing and hold an emergency family conference. If your husband is not home, ignore the problem completely until he is. No man should allow his child, regardless of the age or who the mother is, to kick anybody under any circumstances. And no REAL MAN would! I'd like to see that child try to kick ME with MY husband around. I'm not going to suggest a doctor for him, I think the problem is right there with your husband's attitude. He really needs to put his foot down! ANY child would take advantage of this situation.

Answer 4

It's time for your husband to step up to the plate and have a talk with his sons about respecting you as his wife and as an adult. He needs to tell them that you have no plan to replace their mother, but when they are in your home they are to respect you and listen to you just as they do to him. If he doesn't back you up, it's only going to get worse - especially once they hit the teens. Don't pick on them for every little thing, but let it be known that you WILL NOT tolerate them running around like maniacs in your home. Keep them busy - get them involved in sports or something constructive when they are there so they won't get bored and go stir crazy.

Answer 5

Maybe your husband feels guilty because he's not married to the children's mother. I don't know the history. But the fact is, the kids probably resent you. And your husband may be too lenient because he feels sorry for them.
This is not healthy for the kids, of course. They need structure and discipline as well as love.
But they are his children, not yours. You don't have any say in the matter really.
I hope you can work this out with your husband for the benefit of the kids.

Answer 6

I don't think you are too hard on them. You said they were your step sons. It is sometimes hard for the young kids to have step parents because they are sometimes scared that the step parent is taking the place of the mom, so they will try to get the parent annoyed to get rid of them. I would think of that as a possibility, other than thinking they are just being rowdy and annoying for no reason. Though you are the parent in the house and You do deserve their respect.

Answer 7

since they are your step sons, it may be because they don't accept you as their mother. I know some kids who have step parents that they don't like, and i have a friend who is really close to his step mom and his biological mom. Some kids have trouble adjusting. I don't want to say "try and be their friend" because that could give them the edge, but try to lighten up a bit more and i didn't see it mentioned but maybe your husband could try to lend a hand too.

Answer 8

Everybody... it doesn't matter whether she is real or step-mom... it is matter of knowing your limits and get the right resources.

Kimmy, I was searching some info for you... here is website may interest you.

Mother of 3 and step-mom of 2

Answer 9

i know what u mean but one time i got really mad i just could not take it any more so i told them look if you want to come see your daddy your going to have to listen to me a behave yourself your i'm not bringing you anymore i know it was mean but it worked sometimes you just have to put your foot down and my husband understood

Answer 10

well you aren't his mother. I would suggest consulting their birth mother (if she is alive) to see how she dealt/deals with them. And if all else fails, you can start REALLY punishing them