I am 45. I have always felt that I had the ability to be successful with my own business. To this point, I have had lots of ideas, but no success. I want to be able to provide for my family whatever they need. You know, pay for college, help purchase a vehicle etc. I have not gotten to that point yet and it really bothers me. I feel that I have let my family and myself down. Is this common?
2007-11-23 15:19:01 · 11 answers · asked by Brian L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, VERY common...it's usually called a midlife crisis....it will vary from man to man.
For some it is not enough money...for others it's not an esteemed enough position...for some it's not contributing enough to change society...the list is almost endless.
Rather than think about what you didn't do...why not think about how your plan needs to change to accomplish new goals? ....also look back to when you were 18..how much HAVE you done since then, rather than how much you haven't done?
Talk to your wife about this..ask her if she thinks you're a failure? Isn't she the one you've been trying to impress all these years...shouldn't her mature opinion count more than yours, on this subject...since she's the one you're trying to please???
If she's any manner of decent woman she'll be happy about what you didn't do...you didn't leave....you didn't drink, gamble, or steal the families money for your own purient interests...you didn't beat her and the children..you didn't run off with some little tramp...you didn't stop loving her....how do I know this..your words tell on you...you're a good man Charlie Brown!
2007-11-23 15:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have only let your family down if you have not given them love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, assistance, etc.
Success is not getting financially comfortable, it is how your life turns out with your family. Success will not leave a mark if you have only made money, the mark, that will influence the rest of your life and those of your family, is what kind of person you are now, when you are bringing up a family.
Why are you giving up? Walt Disney was 44 when he started on his dream and look what legacy he has left the world. You are never to late to have a dream or go towards it,
College students always gain more success when they deal with the money needed for an education, by themselves. Giving children money to get through their education very rarely works out that the student gets good marks, Those that have to work themselves to keep in college, are usually the best workers and the highest achievers,
You are looking at things the wrong way, Any anyway, you have so much of your life left to fulfill those dream that you may have, and to love your family unconditionally and be the best father you can be, not with money, but with love and understanding. You sound as if you have that, but your thoughts are taking you on the wrong road.
CHANGE YOUR THINKING CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
2007-11-24 00:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We were 44 before we bought our first(and only) home. I have owned 2 new cars, both bought because we were left alittle money. Mostly I have driven cars that were 15+years old. I just bought the first TV I've owned in 2years, because I gave the only other one we owned to my daughter when she got married. I could go on but you get the point.
At 54 I have learned a couple of things about life. Your kids don't want what you can buy them, they want you. Your wife doesn't want what you can buy her, she wants you. It is a really nice thing to provide a safe enviorment but kids need to buy their own cars and since things can change at any moment, there is no reason to get used to living high on the hog.
As far as your great ideas but no success, my guess is that you have ADD or ADHD and frankly, you aren't ever going to make a go of it unless you get treatment. Pick a company you want to work for, and make a 20year plan. You need to be building your social security and you need to consider retirement. Give up the owning your own business, really its not going to ever pan out. Work like a dog for the next 20years, retire then spend your senior years running that great business you want. If it fails, so what?
Your kids need to be working on their grades and plan for scholorships. State schools do a fine job and are cheap by comparison.
Another hint. If you want your own business, sell insurance. Doesn't matter what kind but its a nessessity in our world and you can have your own business and succeed.
2007-11-23 23:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would imagine this would be a common feeling. If no success by this point, its time to join the world of those of us who work for someone else. If your business is something you can do on the side, then by all means do it.... but if no success yet and you haven't been able to even help purchase a car, then its time to throw in the towel and get a job.
2007-11-23 23:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by joni38 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, even if there is some blame to go around, shouldn't your wife share some of it-even if you both agreed that you'd be the breadwinner. If you feel that you haven't done enough to achieve this financial comfort, I'm sure your wife notices it, too and should try to help out financially. My point that if there is a problem, it's not all on you.
Second, get a stable job.
Third, not many people can put their childREN through all of college.
Last, I think the fact that you are trying and have set goals for what you want to achieve for your family is good enough. Not many parents care enough or are even responsible enough to set goals. You're great. And, remember that it's not too late to save more money for these goals of yours. Good luck.
2007-11-23 23:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by mrs corinthos 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh it sure is. I think its just that you feel you are responsible for you family's well-being + there's nothing wrong with that, provided it isn't harming you in some way. Women can feel the same way.
My husband feels the same way at times. But you know what I tell him ? What we have money could never buy ! Think about what you have, is money more important ? Are you a lucky guy ? My daughter said when she was 4, "daddy you are a rich man" my husband asked her why. She said, "because you have a wife + 2 kids !" who could argue with that. lol
I have faith in God that He will provide me with an answer. I'm still waiting for some of them. : )
2007-11-23 23:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by toobingaddict 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line; dont let your personal doubt / hang ups on the issue drag you down. Almost everyone I know has had those feelings and doubts about one thing or another. My father passed away at 52yrs old.... he busted his butt providing for our family.... & I have to honestly say that when he died ~NONE OF THAT MATTERED ~ What-so-ever!!! Not to anyone in my family. Simply put; we miss him and our time together! Providing for your family is being with them; supporting them; loving them and creating memories that will last.... No amount of money will make up for that, I guarantee it.
2007-11-23 23:46:09 · answer #7 · answered by q dee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is common, men are lead to believe that they have to be the main breadwinner and satisfied all their families financial needs. so when that doesn't happen they can get depressed easily.
2007-11-23 23:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Its a cultural thing. You can defeat it if you choose.
2007-11-23 23:22:03 · answer #9 · answered by SEOplanNOW.com 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm 35 and i thought i'd be better off by now but things happen.....
2007-11-23 23:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jacob Da omniscient 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋