How do you be the disciplining dad when mom is critical of you?

Question

Being a dad, sometimes one of the kids will speak hatefully and out of line in a way I don't allow in the house, which triggers them getting sent to their rooms to cool off or to the proverbial "time out chair", and often while they are on the chair they continue to be hateful and mean. So I keep upping the time they have to spend sitting there until they finally stop spouting and obey the quiet rule on the chair.

The problem is that my wife thinks that I should just ignore whatever crap they are spouting while they're in the punishment zone, which strikes my as being the same thing as saying " of any crime committed while in prison doesn't increase the time an inmate has to spend" -- and she won't let up on the criticality for hours, even after the kid is off time out and has accepted the correction, gone back to happy, etc.

At which point I don't see a way to fix things and usually just have to walk away -- which really doesn't help either.

Suggestions?

Answer 1

You and your wife really need to set down and talk about the childrens punishments when they disobey. She should not undermind you when you punish the children unless she feels you are putting them in danger or abuseing them. If you make them mind and she always gets upset then they will soon learn if they don't like what you have to say they will run to her. When my son use to back talk in the time out chair he had time added also. If we don't teach our children to respect us they sure arn't going to be respectful to others. Your wife better really think about that unless see wants unruley children. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Whose method works the best? The kids are getting mixed signals and the only way for discipline to work is to have the same methods used by both parents. They are getting a response from you because you react to their spouting, and it justifies their anger to them. Compromise with your wife: if she is the main caregiver (or discipline hander-outer) try her way first. Give it a reasonable period of time - maybe a month- and if that doesn't work, try it your way and see if that is more effective. But I recommend you don't reply to them when they carry on, it does fuel the flames.

Answer 3

id say send them to their room so you don't have to hear or see their ongoing crap-its harder too rebel when you don't have an audience, as for the wife I sometimes have some of the same issues she says I'm too hard on them but i feel she lets them get away with too much. does she ever discipline or is it always on you? kids can really throw a curve ball to a good relationship, i suppose try to agree between yourselves on what are acceptable punishments. be prepared to cave in(that what marriage is about you know -compromises- all yours) if you really want things to get back to normal

Answer 4

Your children aren't prisoners, and they aren't committing crimes. Sounds like you are confused as to the point of discipline. First off you and your wife need to be partners, and you have to decide what to agree on.

Your job is to guide and nurture them. All you are teaching them is that if they shut up, they are done. If they are sitting where you want, let them blow off steam. Kids are supposed to be hateful and mean, its their nature, they aren't dogs. Ignore them, too much attention will have the opposite effect.