I am the youngest of seven. There is a 23 year gap between my older brother and myself. We have only been able to form a cordial sibling relationship because ever since I can remember he has had a family and kids.
His wife died three years ago. The rest of my siblings were all too happy to move in and take over his funeral arrangements but have not kept in touch with him since. I call him every Sunday night, and he always tells me I'm the only one in the family he ever hears from. I am especially pissed at my second third and fourth oldest brother about this, because the first two grew up under the same roof with him, and he took the third one in for a full summer when he and my dad were fighting.
The sibling Christmas party is coming up. They usually get drunk and are busybodies at these gatherings. My oldest brother (who is a recoverd alcoholic) is hurt, and does not plan to go. My wife and I are planning not to attend either to support him in this. Your thoughts?
2007-11-23 15:13:33 · 6 answers · asked by rhino 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
A few more details....
The other siblings think they are the "leaders" of the family every since our parents died. They took over the funeral arrangements without consulting with the oldest, myself, and my other brother. They usually have the fourth brother call me to ask questions, so as to give them something to gossip about in my life, and ask how the oldest is doing. When I say to them, "Why don't you call and ask him yourself?" he is very quick to change the subject.
2007-11-23 15:17:57 · update #1
Time for new traditions. Get your two families together and make plans to do this each year. There is no reason what so ever to associate with your other siblings. End of story, neither of you owe any explanation.
2007-11-23 15:29:00 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your own Christmas party and include the widowed brother, and the 'recovering' brother. You can't force a relationship with someone just because it's family. With the phone conversation and him saying you're the only one he hears from sounds like his way of letting you know he appreciates it. He might appreciate an alternative to the drinking 'part time' siblings party. I'm sure the 'recovering' brother would appreciate it.
I think you've got a good hold on things. You have a right to be angry because someone you care about is being hurt. I don't think there is any way you are going to be able to fix it. Just support the other two and let that be your 'family'. I would express to the widowed brother that you appreciate the relationship you do have with him but have always wanted and would like to have a closer brotherly bond. He's probably thought the same thing over the years but with all he's been through didn't know how or just wasn't able to bring it up. Seems the older siblings have all taught you that talking leads no where or won't make a difference. It doesn't have to be that way.
Best of luck and I hope you have a beautiful Christmas season!
2007-11-23 15:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee, there for a minute I thought you were talking about my family! The only way I could handle it was to walk away. There is no law that says you must go to sibling get togethers, there is no law that says you have to be involved in their lives and there is no law that says you have to put up with any of their crap.
Be thankful that you have this chance to get to know this oldest brother. Get with him and enjoy the holidays. When the others want to say something about your plans or ask you to join them, be polite, but distant. Life is short, don't waste a minute of it on someone who is not an asset.
2007-11-23 15:31:01 · answer #3 · answered by busymomkaren 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say call your older brother and get together with his family and yours for your own Christmas party. Don't get pulled into the drama of your other siblings. If they ask why you're not going, let them know and let it go at that.
2007-11-23 15:22:46 · answer #4 · answered by Flusterated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get together with your sober older brother for a separate Christmas reunion. Enjoy yourselves. Have fun.
2007-11-23 15:19:30 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do what I do best, go... start on your life, enjoy your life you can live with out them. right?
2007-11-23 16:23:06 · answer #6 · answered by Yee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋