2007-11-23 14:42:00 · 35 answers · asked by Sufi 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he's 25, and does not live with me. he doesn't really con me, it's mostly other people. he's a minor drifter living off the temporary generosity of people he gets to help him.
2007-11-23 14:58:57 · update #1
Tough love unfortunately. If he lives with you, he has to move out etc...
If he is old enough to make these decisions, he is old enough to be on his own.
2007-11-23 14:45:38 · answer #1 · answered by VY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your sadness. My son is only 20 and I am beginning to worry about him and where he is going. He doesn't seem to be making any real steps towards being a responsible adult and I feel like it really is time now. He still lives here at home. He does work but not at a job that makes him much money at all. Honestly he could not survive on what he makes outside of this home. He is twenty and his closest friend is 16! I feel that there is a drastic age difference and that he doesn't want to grow up. I too am sad. I think that the only thing that we can do is to tell our sons what we expect them and then stick to our boundaries, whatever they may be. There is only so far that we can go and we are only responsible for them up to a point. It's so hard not to feel guilty for the choices they make in their lives and somehow responsible. Maybe you can go to a family therapist to talk things out and get on with your own life. I'm not saying to quit loving our sons...but to learn how to love them and still love ourselves.
Good luck.
2007-11-23 15:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by blakta2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people seem to have missed the point that you said he is 25 and does not live with you.
Honestly, you can't do anything. You've already raised him. Any influence you had over him ended when he became of age.
You could try talking to him, but I doubt it would help.
Nobody but you can look back at how you raised him and decide if you did the best you could or not.
If you did the best you could, then you can do no more. He's an adult and as sad as it is, he will have to live with the consequences of his own actions.
I hope for the best for you.
2007-11-23 15:20:23 · answer #3 · answered by gail s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy. If it were easy, there would be no troubled teenagers. But there ARE troubled teenagers and unfortunately, yours is one of them. But, admitting it is not enough. You have to take action and more important, you have to take the RIGHT action and CONTINUE to take the right action. How do you know it's the right action? It works. And, if it doesn't work, you have to try and try again, because no matter how mcuh experience you have as a parent, and no matter what all of the books say, and no matter what experts say, sometimes, in spite of all of your informed decisions, in spite of all your best efforts, all of your love and support, that son might still continue down the very path that you are trying to lead him away from. God bless you both and give you peace beyond guilt and understanding.
2007-11-23 14:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Migdalia F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the age of your son. If he is an adult, it's on him. Talk to him and tell him your decision to allow him to handle his own life. Tell him to stay out of yours. It may be a difficult decision but just because he's your son, it doesn't mean he has the right to hurt you. Protecting him will only ensure that he will continue down the road to disaster. You did your best and now it is his responsibility to take care of his life, not yours. Trying to change him will only cause you more stress. Maybe talking to him and telling him how disappointed you are and that you are no longer going to stand for it will be a wake up call for him. Meantime, you need to take care of you. Let it go.
2007-11-23 14:48:54 · answer #5 · answered by Gail S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love! Explain to your son that no matter what he will always be your son and you will always love him. But you don't have to like him or what he is doing. Explain to him that you did not raise him in this manner and you cannot understand why he has become the person he has become. Explain to him that until he changes you really have no desire to have anything to do with him. As hard as this sounds, it is the only way to teach him a lesson that it is not okay to behave in the manner he is behaving. You certainly do not need to become a victim in his game.
You are still his parent and you can still parent him and tough love is the way to go. You cannot play into his game as it might end up getting you into trouble. If you try and make excuses it enables him to continue the behavior.
I know you are torn but you already know what to do. Your head told you to use tough love, but your heart is playing devils advocate. Parenting is never easy and our job is never over. Good luck.
2007-11-23 14:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can you do? You can stop feeling sad and sorry about it. Just because he has grown up to be this way is not your fault or concern. He is an adult, I am assuming, and you do not have to take responsibility for this. I gather, because you feel sad about it, that he did not learn this behavior from you. All you can do is cut him out of your life until you agree with his choices. Until then, accept that you have a child whose lifestyle you don't agree with and try to focus your energy on other aspects.
2007-11-23 15:00:59 · answer #7 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point I'm thinking he is over 18 and on his own. If not show him the door and tell him he can come back after he pays back the people he has used.
Their are no free rides in life. the sign use to say " Grass Cash or ***" in this Case, it should be his *** and not your feeling that are hurting.
Ask him if his sex life is good?, them ask him if he likes men?
Tell him he needs to study up, because if he goes to jail he is going to be someones *****! This goes back to hard love, but it is truth and he should hear it now, and face it later if he doesn't change.
Good luck and remember, it is his life to screw up, and yours to walk away from tell he gets it right again.
Johnny
2007-11-23 14:50:26 · answer #8 · answered by John M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is terribly sad. It must be extremely difficult for a mom to recognize this antisocial trait in her adult son. It is also difficult for people in society. You must take a pro-active stance on him and hope to God that you can modify this behavior. Maternal messages have a powerful impact even on adult children. Do not allow him to manipulate you. When he attempts to do so, call him on it immediately. Tell him you are disappointed when you see him trying to con people. Also, remember to reward him with praise when you see him doing good things in society. Good luck to you.
2007-11-23 14:51:30 · answer #9 · answered by Shilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at least take stock knowing he'll get through life as sad as that is...and hope he finds ways to control it and use it for good rather than to cheat people out of money and things like that. I wouldn't believe what he says either and I would tell him you are disappointed in him. wether he wants to admitt it or not...he will be hurt by that comment and maybe try to change for the better or at least around you, which will give you some peace
2007-11-23 14:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by just bored 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all how old is he..12-16 u might get him but if its past that ur to late...
If he is between that time period LAY DOWN THE RULES!
You are his mother Tell him you will not stand for such actions
Tell him he could be arrested or worse...killed... you want to scare him and knock some sense into him but at the same time make sure he's not afraid of u afterwards or you'll have an akward situation on ur hands
EDIT: antoine r looks like gay guy from smart model lol
2007-11-23 14:48:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋