I am 17, a senior in high school with a younger sibling, my dad is an emotionally abusive alcoholic. An alcoholic so much so that he drives 1 1/2 hours to go to his favorite bar where he drinks all day long, and when he is ready my mom and I go to the bar to pick him up....we park and I go into the bar where I wait until he is ready and I find someone to help me carry him out to the car. After we leave, one of us rides with him and other one drives the other vehicle we drove and we start home....it always ends with him angry, us frustrated or sad, him belittling or pestering us to our last end, or sometimes he is really mushy and just wants to snuggle with everyone......I've dealt with this since I was 3.....how do I keep it from bugging me and how do I deal with it for my sibling when I go to college next year??? No wise cracks please....it isn't funny.
Distracting him wouldn't work....he leaves for the bar before I wake up in the morning. We don't have the resources to do anything.
2007-11-23 14:20:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As great advice it is...I do not have the resources to contact Alateen.....
2007-11-23 14:31:46 · update #1
Lol...also I am a female...there seemed to be some confusion (it's okay my name is kind of confusing that way). Also...I can't tell a school person, I've tried and they don't believe me because my mom works at the school and has convinced everyone we have the 'leave it to beaver' family. I also can't stop him from drinking...if we just don't go get him, he drives home drunk and endangers the lives of others.
2007-11-23 14:53:56 · update #2
No, no...I do not let him drive home drunk.....I drive, he rides....sorry for that miswording!!
2007-11-23 14:55:34 · update #3
you just have to remind yourself that you can't change him but you still love him. Your siblings will have to do that to. You could call aa and ask for some tips on dealing with a parent who is a drunk. It's called alateen. I went there for a while because of my dad too. It helps when other people are around and also go thru the same things....eachother's springboard and comforter.
2007-11-23 14:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by just bored 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not a wise crack:
You and your mother have a serious alcohol problem, too. You guys enable (picking him up because he's drunk etc) him to continue with his addiction. You and mom need to get into A.A. and get dad into detox by intervention...your mother and a counselor can have him committed to a treatment program.
You will need therapy to learn what is normal and decent behavior...or you will end up either being an alcoholic yourself or marrying someone with similar problems. At the very least you will have problems in relationships, because you will constantly be defending or enabling your dad. The only thing you are helping by enabling dad, is his further decline into alcoholic ruin.
Ever heard the phrae (it's rather old) "I never bought a drunk a drink.." It means that you don't add to the world's problems by helping people to sin...which is exactly what enabling is..promoting or rewarding bad behavior...it's time for a little tough love and intervention..time to stop him before he drinks himself and everyone around him to death.
If you will contact Alcoholics Anonymous in your area, I'm sure they can give you and mom many options to pursue
NO MORE EXCUSES! You are going to have to stand up like a man (even though you don't have an example of one as a dad, and you are a female) and find the resources that you and your mom can get, NOW.
My wifes dad is a recovering alchoholic...it definetly has affected our relationship over the years....she could say things my mom had done wrong...but if I said anything remotely critical of her dad...it was "Katy bar the door", so to speak...she would become terribly defensive and lash out at me..even though it was really her dad that she was angry with.
If you don't do anything else..get counseling for yourself...before you get in any serious romantic relationship. Personally I'd let him try to drive home drunk...and alert the police that he'll be trying it...that'll get him into counseling for sure...will be court ordered. You can report it anonymously.
2007-11-23 14:43:25 · answer #2 · answered by Kenneth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alateen or Alanon, I'm sure you could get to a meeting. It doesn't take much in the way of resources, but of course your mom might find out and object.
This is a very unhealthy situation. To me, it is irresponsible for your mom to have your dad in the home with children. It has a negative effect on the whole family.
Believe me, it's not normal for a 17-year-old to spend 3 hours a day bringing home a drunken dad.
You're not doing him any favors either. If he lost his family, he might be motivated to make a change.
Please, find some help or at least read some books on the families of alcoholics.
2007-11-23 15:27:55 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So sorry to hear. But all I can say is pray, it works. As for your sibling there is not much you can offer seeing as how you will be just starting your college life. You can let your sibling know you are always there for him/her to talk to. Sometimes just talking to some one can help. As for your mother she should want to change things for her children. I know here in NYC there are all different types of help available, but the person has to go out and get the help its not going to come to you. You say resources are limited but I have learned that once you step out on faith, and take that first step (which is always hard to do) the rest will come. It maybe hard at first but GOD is there waiting for you to trust HIM. GOD bless and good luck
2007-11-23 14:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by BerryKitten 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have an alcoholic aunt and i know how it can effect a family because i see how it effects my cousins. i don't know what kind of person your father is and how he is when he's sober. my aunt sober is willing to listen to what people tell her. one day when she was sober we had an intervention and took her to a rehab clinic. she's a year sober now and her family couldn't be happier. if your dad isn't the type than ask yourself this question. do you feel like your family is going to be safe without you there. if you feel like the answers no go speak to a school counsler. they have more info than we think they do. and as corny as this may seem plug into God. as much as it may seem like he's distant God can still help us out. praying for your family is as simple as a conversation with God and it goes a long way
2007-11-23 14:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by cdg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is an enabler and you still live at home. SO, you still have to help your mom be an enabler. Once you move out - then you can move on with your life and let your mom keep enabling him. There's nothing else you can do.
2007-11-23 14:48:34 · answer #6 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, you need to contact Ala-teen, an offshoot of alcoholics anonymous. They were created for young people in your situations.
2007-11-23 14:25:10 · answer #7 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as bad as it sounds your mom should really divorce him for that sake of the kids. if she doesent then you should try your own intervention. take his money, keys and car dont let him go to his bar anymore. theres always hope. keep goin strong and hang in there.
2007-11-23 14:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
love,bear & grin to the end
2007-11-23 14:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by charlatan 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋