How far is too far? And how do you keep it from bugging you??

Question

I am 17, a senior in high school with a younger sibling, my dad is an emotionally abusive alcoholic. An alcoholic so much so that he drives 1 1/2 hours to go to his favorite bar where he drinks all day long, and when he is ready my mom and I go to the bar to pick him up....we park and I go into the bar where I wait until he is ready and I find someone to help me carry him out to the car. After we leave, one of us rides with him and other one drives the other vehicle we drove and we start home....it always ends with him angry, us frustrated or sad, him belittling or pestering us to our last end, or sometimes he is really mushy and just wants to snuggle with everyone......I've dealt with this since I was 3.....how do I keep it from bugging me and how do I deal with it for my sibling when I go to college next year??? No wise cracks please....it isn't funny.

Distracting him wouldn't work....he leaves for the bar before I wake up in the morning.

I've talked to him before, it makes no difference...my mom, sibling and I have no resources to leave.

Talking to someone is not an option...small town...people talk....

He got so violent this summer we had to leave the house, but mom and siblingn moved back in and I guilted myself into moving back in, too....

Dad will not go to therapy, meetings, etc. No matter what we tell him or if we talk to him, nothing changes..

Answer 1

You have to stop enabling him but leaving him there to sleep in his car when he is done drinking and perhaps even tell the police to watch to make sure he isn't trying to drive when drunk. your mother may need to raise her self esteem because she is wrong to subject you to a father like this. The only way this will end is for you to get together and demand that enough is enough, and tell him to either join AA or move out. you can love your father but you should hate the fact that he feels the need to drink like this and not try to stop for his sake and the sake of his familly.
The site I will give you deals with life choices and perhaps may help you all. Talk to your mother and share this site with her and perhaps that may help you all. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 2

You could try a family intervention. Most alcoholics know they have a problem but can't admit it. Maybe if everyone he cares about and he knows care about him got together and explained how his drinking effects all of your lives and feelings it may open his eyes. Most people with a drinking problem never consider how it effects other people. The health problems associated with drinking are another strong point to express. My dad is an alcoholic he has not drank in over 17 years. I was worried that he would after my mom died but we stuck by him and he stayed strong. If your dad does stop drinking it will be a very long hard road and he will need a lot of support. I wish you good luck.

Answer 3

I am 29 and have 3 sisters we grew up with a alcoholic mother that was very mean she is still a heavy drinker we all moved away from her when we was of age.Have you ever sat down when he was sober and talked to him about how you feel and how it affects the family. Is he a happy man while he is sober? usually drinkers get to feeling down when they drink or become mean it is sad and most people like that you cant talk to. they become defensive.But hes your father and maybe talking with him and helping him understand the way you and your family feel about this will help him to realize what he is doing to his family.You can also pull him away from the bar plan something for the family to do either at home or outdoors where this is no alcohol push his mind away from the drinking.Thanks for letting me answer your question i hope it helped in some way hope all goes well for you and your family.

Answer 4

This is a problem in a lot of families, unfortunately. My father had to do the same with my grandfather. Ideally nobody should have to deal with this. Is there no way your mother could take you and your brother or sister somewhere else?

Answer 5

The last time there was an habitual drunk in my life, it ended with a fistfight and jail --- for him. He eventually killed someone while drunk, and is on death row right now as we speak. I am not kidding.

The thing to do, after politeness and patience and Christian mercy is to get this bum out of your life for good. Make him leave, with the courts and cops behind you. -- Do it for your whole family before it's too late for you. -- And do it NOW.

Good luck

Answer 6

i would suggest counseling for your father. situations like this can easily get out of hand. you'll probably never feel comfortable unless this problem is addressed.