Should you forgive a one-night stand?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we live together, thinking of possibilities of even getting married. Problem is, while I was on holiday visiting my parents, he had a one-night stand with his colleague at our house, in his bed. I have been devastated ever since and cannot forgive nor forget what he has done.
But I do also have a feeling that I want to try to forgive him once because I really do like him and feel I may not meet anyone I can like again because it takes me a long time to feel like that about someone. My last relationship lasted 4 years and it took 4 years just to get over that one. I had boyfriends after that but never found anyone that was better than him... People say once a cheater, always a cheater and I am afraid of trusting him again. He says it was a mistake and it will never happen again and listens to whatever I say now, but I am just so scared, both to trust him and to lose him. Very confused, it is pathetic...

Answer 1

uh no you shouldn't honey. you deserve soo much better. only in a marriage should you forgive something like that because a marriage is supposed to last forever. what he did was wrong and disrespectful, and he had every knowledge of what he was doing. don't let him bs his way out of it by making lame excuses. think long and hard about this cause like i said, you deserve better. there are other guys out there that would treat you like you should be treated

Answer 2

Its not pathetic at all. Of course you are confused! Your bf has commited a severe breach of trust and anyone with half a brain would be seriously considering whether he was worth the effort or not. My biggest problem with what he did is that it was so easily done and executed. He didn't have the decency to keep it out of your home. That ranks low. Its also a huge upset to your life to have to split and look for a new place not to mention separation of goods and so on. Sometimes thats enough to think 'forgiveness' because we really don't want the hassle of breaking up! You seriously need to see in your head if its love thats keeping you together or whether its just the thought of splitting up thats putting you off doing it. In any event, there are one night stands that are clearly forgiveable in that they are a drunken fumble up an alley - there are others which are harder to fathom as they require some forethought from the individuals involved - that kind of thing is not easily forgiveable. No one can tell you what to do but I think if you are clear in your mind about how you honestly feel, the answers will come to you. Good luck.

Answer 3

that is a truly tough dilemma you have. should you give him one more chance? well i think if you truly love him and believe that it was truly a one-off kind of thing, then yeah, work on it. i think anybody would feel scared, confused, hurt, and all the range of emotions possible if this happened to them. the trust issue will be the thing that may have been broken forever, yet some people (and i know this by fact) are able to move past a mistake like this and still have a fulfilling relationship/marriage.

in the end of the day you stay in a relationship for love of each other and not much more. if there is still love, then dare i say it, still hope.

i do hope things work out for you. unfortunately time will have to elapse (could be a while) before you can put this hurt behind (though dare i say again, it will always remain like a bad scar) and move on. fingers crosssed for both you guys.

Answer 4

Dear Princess,
I know that you have herd this time and again, but I am going to say it. Once a cheater always a cheater. I know you really care for him, but you are letting your insecurities fog your vision. Think about this, if he was out of town, and you had a one night stand, would he even stick around long enough to hear you ask for a second chance? Absolutely not. Forget him honey. If you forgive him this time, he will do it again, and again , and again. After that it is all up to you, but remember, if you chose to forgive him make sure you make him prove his loyalty and faithfulness to you before you become intimate with him again. Have some self respect and find a different guy. Good Luck.

Answer 5

You're talking about marriage but you "really like him"? What happened to love? Was it love before and now it's just like?

I don't know. I've been cheated on twice, by two different guys, and it was better for me to just get out of the relationship. One of them was my fiancé, so it is hard to try to find someone new, but it's entirely possible. I'm with the most wonderful guy right now, and I know he would not cheat on me.

Talk to him about why he cheated. That might help you to determine whether to forgive or move on. Was he feeling stifled by you? Was he afraid to commit fully to you? Was he drunk or otherwise intoxicated? Was he lonely? Was your sexual relationship at a standstill at the time? Maybe some things are more forgivable than others in your mind.

Myself personally, I would be moving on. Perhaps you have more vested in it, and your fears play a part, but I knew after I was cheated on that I could never trust him again, so it was over. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 6

Your friends are right "Once a cheater always a cheater!" I know. I was... until I lost the woman that I loved so much and loved more than my life. I may have reformed my ways and became Christian but I still regret it till this day.
I understand fully well your situation and relationships and life for that matter is a big gamble. The thing here is...it is a dark tunnel out there and you are scared to enter it.Women always say I can't find someone else better but they always do.
So is it trust him again and end up miserable or dump him and find someone else...better!? You place your bet.

Answer 7

OK First off he is an asshole for cheating but people do make mistakes...
Work out if he really is being genuine with you and truly regrets his actions
Can you, even though you have feelings for him - ever forget or forgive what he did? If you can then it has a chance if you cant then it will niggle at you and you will be constantly paranoid and confused.

If your reasons for going back to him are valid - you still love him and want him etc then thats great but if you are only interested still becuase you havent found anything better then that is settling and sooner or later you'll be miserable.

Nobody can make this decision except you - listen to your head and you'll make the right decision.

Answer 8

I can understand your pain and it is a terrible dilemma. I have been there before and in my case, the man took my forgiveness as a green light to bed as many cheap whores as he could find! He got away with it once and just kept doing it, and because I let him he then viewed me as a total doormat.
You need to think long and hard about this. You are not pathetic, you are a great girl who deserves far better. You need to decide for yourself if he is worth the risk of getting hurt again. I think, once the pain dies down and your heart mends, you will look at him with disgust for being so weak. I know I did with my ex.
And the bottom line is, does he make you happy?
Only you can answer that.

Answer 9

yes it's true that once a cheater will always be a cheater,but you will never know what's going to happen next if you do not give him another chance.you are hurt now because of what he did,you will also be hurt if you lose him,you will also be hurt if you forgive him and gives another chance especially because you will always remeber what he did.so what difference will that make at all?you will always be hurt in this lifetime because you love that person,and you will never know what the future holds for the two of you if you will just let him get out of your life.can you get the point?nothing in this world is certain and life is full of risks.be brave in facing whatever ghosts out there is haunting you for in facing reality you will find out that half of your problems don't really exist.and unless you try you wouldn't know.....so go gurl and do what will make you happy and be sure to stand up brave and tough for whatever it is that you will choose.gudluck and God bless you.constant prayer will also help....a LOT!!!

Answer 10

GO. LEAVE.

You are scared, and rightly so. I have a very similiar situation, but had been with my live-in for 3 years when he cheated. A very wise person told me 'you are holding on to something that you don't really even want because you are scared nothing better will come along.'

You need and deserve someone who kisses the ground you walk on. He wont if he is willing to risk it all to cheat. Even if you DO forgive him, will you truly respect him again? And, if you do keep him, will he truly respect YOU for wanting him so badly that you would overlook him treating you so badly?

You deserve better! I have been there! It was 13 months ago I left him, and I have never been so happy and feel so alive! Something better WILL WILL come along! Leave. You will NEVER EVER EVER regreat it!

Answer 11

He prob does regret it but you have to look at the plain facts.

1. It was his colleague and that does not just happen.
2. IT was in your house and he knew where he was.
3. It was in your bed and that is just to damn dirty.

Yeah he does regret it and he has shown how weak he actually is by bringing it to your door, you may forgive him and move on but you cannot ever trust him again cos he wont make the same mistake twice, next time he wont bring it home!!