my mother hates me..please moms out there help me?

Question

Hi i am 17 years old and going througha a difficult and stress fujll time in my life...college serch and all that fun senior stuff.

My mother has not spoken to me in 2 years 4 months and 28 days

You have no idea how painful this is for someone my age to have gone and go through everyday. I have tried writing her a letter apoligizeing for all the wrong i have done, givven her presents and she has just thrown them out.. she sees me c rying and it does not faze her. I have tried so much...and honestly i dont think i can go on lliving anymore. I cant deal with this..i love her more than anything in the world..and she will not speak to me.
Please anyone with any advice...you have no idea how muich it would mean to me if you could help me.
thank you for even taking the time to read this.

A lonely heart <3

Answer 1

Like the others that answered here, I do not know what happened 2 years 4 months and 28 days ago?

You would have been what around 15 years old? I know from having a daughter that sometimes mother and daughter relationships go sour sometimes. But if your mother has not spoken to you in 2 years living in the same house? Where is your dad in this picture? you need to talk to dad and keep talking to him until you get somewhere.

Your mother is not acting "normal" meaning, as a mother and a parent, no matter what happened at that age, all should have been worked out and forgiven by now.

I think if your father lives in the house, if he can't get her into counseling, he needs to get you into family counseling.

One thing you also have to remember at all times.
Sometimes the "more" we try with others, the less we get back in return. I think you have figured that one out right?

So, now you have reached an age where you know you are preparing for college and will be graduating soon and you just want your mom's love and involvment right?

The less she gives you back, the harder you try. So, you have to stop this now. All of your efforts have been ignored. Now it's time to turn the tables on her. Leave her alone. As bad as it hurts, you have to for your own well being.

Your mom sounds like she had some mental issues that you can not handle on your own. You are not experienced for that.

Your mom doens't "hate" you, she just can't deal with life's issues and do not take that on yourself, and I don't care if you robbed a bank and went to prison for 2 years. Do you get my message?

Honey, I am so sorry you are hurting and my heart goes out to you. My own daugher actually beat me up when she was 15 and 16 but I put her into counseling. She "hated me" because I divorced her father for having several extra marital affairs on me. So, in "her' eyes, i was the mean bad person.

A daughter has a 2 totally different relationships with each parent which helps "balance" our own personal identities.

You are not getting the needs from your mother that you rightfully should have. Just like my daughters father should have been more involved with her life growing up but he chose not too. So she beat me up because of it. Oh, I no longer take her abuse but now that she's grown, married and w/ children she is living w/ her father and her other half sis./brothers and her husband.

Right now she is so happy and wants nothing to do with me.
I know what she's doing, she's trying to have that little girl relationship she missed out on with her dad but has forgotten who loved her, never left her side and put her through college. Everyone who knows us, says she is a very selfish, person, they know I gave her everything I could but her fathers attention. I would even call him all the time and tell him please spend time with her, he'd say ok, but he wouldn't and didn't, until the child support payments stopped.


Sometimes parents do the strangest things, you are not alone and don't ever think of taking your life over her being non respondant to your needs.
Stop giving into her needs and start living your life expecting nothing back from her or nothing from her at all.

I think when she starts to see you are having a life not revolved around paying her any attention she will snap out of it. It may not take a month, because it has been so long but eventually she will wake up and regret not sharing these years with you.

The sooner you realize you are now, "self inflicting yourself with pain" and look at it like that, I hope that will make you realize it's time to stop trying. This is one lesson in life you will take with you and it applies to everyone, if you just read some of the others questions you will know you are not alone.

The lesson is: You can lead a horse to water to you cannot make him drink it.
In other words as hard as "you" try, if the other person is not willing to also try, it won't work because it always takes 2 to make it or 2 to break it. I think mom may have a little hidden guilt of her own.

So please as hard as it's been, when you wake up tomorrow, make it a new day, talk to your dad about getting into family couseling. Then think of how you want to spend your day. Do something you enjoy. Do you have a job? If so, go to work and do the best you can, then call a friend up and go out and see a movie. Oh my gosh, there are so many good movies out now. There is nothing wrong with trying to be happy and to be happy.

You have made your ammends on your past mistakes, it is now time for you to accept this, to acknowlede you have done everything in your power to make things right and let me tell you how proud I am of you even though we don't know each other, I am proud of you !
Now stop allowing your mom to make you live in the past, and start looking at your future. You are going to college, you need to make the best of it and you can start right now. Only you can make things different.

Mom needs to work on Mom before she ever help you. Do you see this now? I wish you had mentioned if your dad lives at home, I'm assuming he is and is the one who's putting you though college.

Please add more if I'm off, I and others can only respond to how in depth your information is.

We all know how important having a mother or not having a mother is in our life. Do not allow your mother to continue this guilt trip to conitnue on you anylonger. This is actually child abuse. Or child neglect, I don't care how you slice the pie, it all comes out the same (I like parophrasing).

Keep your chin up and your nose down.

Talk about your family enviroment to people who are equiped to guide you, it will give you a much clearer picture of what's really going on. Take care of you ~

Answer 2

It's kind of difficult offering advice without knowing what caused the rift between the two of you . Regardless of anything you may have done, she is your mother. You have tried to make amends and make up for any wrong you have done. It is HER and not you holding the ball now. If she doesn't appreciate your effort or respond there isn't much else you can do other then live your life the best you can. I know the loss is painful but you will learn to survive and succeed and make it without her. You have a whole life ahead of you that she is going to miss out on. I'd make the best of what you have. We can't make anyone love us. We just have to surround ourselves with people who can appreciate us as we are and focus on the good things in our life.
So sorry for your troubles. Family can often hurt us more deeply then anyone else because we love them so much.

Answer 3

If you’ve honestly tried your best to show your mother that you’re truly sorry, and that you love her more then anything, then I’d say you’ve done enough. You shouldn’t be the one going after your mother and making her be your mother. She’s your mother! She should have been there for you no matter what.

I don’t know the situation that’s happened between you and your mother, but it shows that you really do love her. I say, just let things run on their own. If your mother wakes up one day, and sees the hurt that she’s caused you, then maybe she’ll come running to you and asking for your forgiveness. Things happen for a reason and you have to accept that. Even if it means continuing life without your mother. I say that's her loss, not yours =]

Answer 4

I wish I could help you...I feel deeply for you...

What I hear from what you have written is that you are still able to function and I know it must be really difficult for you to carry on but you have to..Hopefully your mom at some time will forgive you and you can stop mourning for the loss.

Try to be strong, stiff upper lip, and do the best that you can do. Try to forgive yourself also and don't hold on to the bad negative feelings that you have now..Try to work beyond them, get yourself into college and DO WELL..SUCCEED..You cannot control another person's mind no matter how hard you try..You can continue trying to reach out to her, and someday it will happen..Don't give up hope.....take care....

Answer 5

I am not sure what you have done that makes you believe that your mother hates you, however I would try praying for her. My brother hated me for many years and the more I prayed for our reltationship to be restored, it finally happened. We have mended things and love each other again. It took along time for both of us to stop being so stubborn and to grow past the hurt and we are still in the process of forgiving and forgetting but all I can say is that it takes time, but don't give up. The moment you decide to give up, maybe the time she decides to soften her heart. My heart goes out to you and I will keep you both in my prayers. KEep working on it. Good luck to you and God bless

Answer 6

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you are hurting. My mother has not spoken to me or anyone else in our family for over 20 years now. It took me a long time to accept that it is HER, and not me or anyone else in the family. Some people are just mean and hateful and don't care who they hurt, including their own children. Surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. I know your pain. I've been there. IM me if you need to talk.

Answer 7

Sounds like you either did something totally unforgivable or she is just hateful and unforgiving.
JESUS loves you and HE will see you through ANYTHING that comes your way if you will turn to HIM.HE may even be able to work things out with you and your mom in time.Work towards becoming a decent human being, dont live to try to make your mom love you or make her something she refuses to be.You will waste your life if you do the latter.

Answer 8

So, what's the other side of the story...... or maybe it should be , the rest of the story........

I'm sorry, but a loving supportive mother one day and then all of a sudden she won't speak to you for how long?......

Spill the beans, what did you do to make your mom not speak...... and to act so drastically........

and as for all the senior drama, that is it exactly........ I had a daughter who went through senior garbage over 3 years ago, it's only dramatic if you make it so........

Answer 9

I don't know what has caused your mother to treat you this way but sounds like she has a mental disorder. Do live in the same house as she does? Does any other family member know that she is treating you this way?

You should contact your school counselor and ask for help. This is mental and emotional child abuse!

Answer 10

Do you have someone else in the family who you can speak with?

Maybe they can lightly mention your name to her. Something they can say, but not push it in her face.

Like I wonder if she is going to college. How old is (your name) now?

Small stuff... and see if that works if you can find someone in your life to do that.

Answer 11

Go give her a big hug and tell her that you don't care if she wont talk to you and that you still love her anyway. See what that does. She loves you, she's your mom.