need 2 vent...please give me your opinions on this?

Question

My husband and I are separated with a 2 1/2 year old. My husband is very close to his sister who is a neuro-psychologist. When my kid goes to his dad's, he spends a lot of time with the sister, ( the auntie ). She has no children...and treats our son like her own. One day, when I was present, our boy said, " i have to pee"...the sister...who hates me...completely ignores me and says to my ex..."oh, is that what we're calling it now? pee?" she has also instructed my ex that it is inappropriate to use the words "fart","poo", or "boobies"...she is suggesting that we teach him to say " pass gas", or "breasts"...i'm waiting for her to tell him it's a bowel movement or that he has flatulence... am I wrong to take offense at her being overly politically correct & not letting my toddler speak like a toddler? oh, and it bugs the $%#@*! outta me that she refers to the situation as "we" meaning her and my ex, as if she's the parent...would that piss you off? this is just an example of many

thanks everyone...i just needed to know that i wasn't being overly sensitive

Answer 1

She sounds like she is jealous that you have such a wonderful little boy and all she has is "auntie status". I try to teach my little ones to say "fluff" instead of fart, but that is only out of respect for my mom. The word fart creeps her out! You do what YOU want and ignore her. Heck, next time you see her just say "excuse me, I just farted. Would you mind if I go pee in your bathroom?...oh, how do my boobies look in this shirt??". It's a bit childish, but it could be fun to see her reaction!

Answer 2

Y'know, once upon a time, I might've thought that it was sensible to expect small children to avoid baby talk when referring to body parts and functions.

Then I had myself a small child and realized it was futile. And silly. Kids need to hear things explained to them in language they understand, and if that means I sing-song "Good job, sweetie! You're peeing in the potty!" so be it.

But it sounds like this is the latest in a set of skirmishes with your husband's family, and it also sounds like your son's auntie has a hyper-critical streak. Be annoyed - be very annoyed - but you'll have to take the high road here.

Because while she might be an uptight bitca, it does sound like she loves your son. And, much as it would craze me, at the end of things, that's far more important than the fact that you can't stand her.

If it comes down to a direct confrontation over terms, I think I'd draw myself up and tell her honestly that there are many schools of thought on toilet-training, and that most experts agree that there's no harm in using terms like "pee" - it's far more important to make sure your kiddo is comfortable and ready AND that all the adults in his life are on the same page and consistent. Then you can thank her (oh yes!) for taking an interest in her nephew's development. Emphasis on nephew.

Sigh. Good luck. She sounds like a horrorshow.

Answer 3

I know were you are coming from i have an ex-mother in law that was-is the same way ! when my kids were small like yours she was really bad ! the only thing i can tell you is how i handled it ! i would just do my best not to be around her when my kids were there so i did not have to hear it and as my kids grew up they can see how people really are they will know were the true love is and the fake controlling,insensitive, back stabbing,ggggerrrrqqqqaaaaa people are and they will make the choice not to be around them ! my kids are 14,13,10 and just this week my 14 year old called me from her house and asked if i would come and get him cuz he did not want to be around her at that time ! (he was only there for 2 hours) just let your son know you love him and will always be there for him . teach him the way you want to and everything will be fine !

Answer 4

Hon..this is Y O U R baby! Yours! She has no say so about one damn thing... if you want to call his pee the Great Tidal Wave, then she should respect that and shut up!! And that's exactly what you need to tell her.... Shut the Fugg Up when you are around M Y kid !!! And tell your weak azz Ex that a lawyer can control those visits if it is not in the best interest of the child... and that's no lie !!

Answer 5

if it really bothers you that much, talk to this aunt and tell her you love her spending time with ur son, but hes only a little kid and has all the time in the world to learn the "correct" termonology for these things. you could also talk to your ex and let him know that you would apreciate him taking a bigger influence in ur sons life rather than leaving it to the aunt. i think its fine that she teaches ur son these things, but since hes so young, i dont think she should be enforcing it so much and feeling so strongly about it. good luck!

Answer 6

Yeah it would have, i would have said something like, No, WE are not, my son, his father and I, yes. See that's usually how that works. Mom, dad, and child. Aunts usually don't play the parenting role, if you want to be "politically correct" Not saying that you SHOULD say that, just a thought........

Answer 7

We never talked baby talk to our kids, so I guess that part wouldn't bother me. However, having her try to take over as a parent would irk me to no end.

Answer 8

It would make me mad. Its your child you teach him, not her. She is just jealous that you are a mother and shes not. He is your son and there's nothing she can do to change it. So next time she tries to correct you tell her hes your son and to but out.

Answer 9

Why is it that your son seems to spend more time with his aunt than his father? I thought visitation was for parents, didn't realize it means visiting aunts!

Answer 10

Sounds like she's a big pain in the butt to me.

She should make like a fart and go blow.