My boyfriend won't be going in to basic training until next year, but of course im getting pretty worried a head of time. along with my fear that he's going to come out a different person (with all respect, Im really not attracted to the stereotypical military attitude, atleast in a husband).
Also, we dont really believe in the whole idea of legal marraige, which also causes a problem with just about...everything. I'm afraid that, because i wouldnt be recognized as a dependent by his job, i'll end up just being this crazy lady with no health insurance that follows him around the country.
will he be placed in bachelor housing? will i never be able to live with him because i wont be in the housing allowance? thats pain that i don't know if i could deal with...we are inseparable at this point and i dont know what id do if that was the case...just living on my own, him visiting me, and living on base by himself.
do you think this is what i'll be doomed to?
2007-11-23 08:49:15 · 13 answers · asked by Delaney Insaney 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I don't think YOU are opposed to marriage. I think this guy does not want to marry you and it is easier for you to act as though you agree with him than admit that to yourself. You sound like you don't have a life of your own, and the wisest thing I've heard from you is that you recognize the fact that you are little more than some crazy woman follwing him around. It sounds to me like the poor guy needs some time away from you. He is going out, serving his country... What do you bring to the relationship?
2007-11-26 07:08:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you sure have a mess on your hands, if your not legally married the Service will not recognize you in any way, even to the point should he ever be badly wounded you would not be allowed so see him. As far as housing forget it. The danger of having a child and not being married is another problem because of you not being married it would take an lot work to get them to recognize the child for survivor benefits if ever necessary. You also would not be able to live on base with him even if he did qualify for housing on the base. The military looks at this a a moral issue. You will have to decide if sticking to the non marriage idea is a good one. You ask if he will change. How can he not change. He'll have been through things you could never experience, he'll have seen things, heard things and done things he never thought he would. Yes he'll change. It is strictly a fact. In fact you too will change, maintaining a long distance romance will not been easy even without the road blocks you have already set up. The two of you need to do some serious sit downs and talk about all of this.
You have some rough roads ahead. I wish you both luck.
2007-11-23 09:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by WACVET75 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Nothing to worry about. I have been in the Coast Guard for nine years now. As far as coming out a different person, there may be small changes in behavior, nothing serious. He may use a lot of acronyms that you aren't used to. The Coast Guard is the least stereotypical of the 5 branches. For the most part, we act like regular guys.
As far as being married, it's true that you won't receive the medical benefits that you are entitled to as a dependent. He will receive a housing allowance, but it will be at least a couple hundred dollars less because he is without dependents.
I got married right before I went in so that my wife had all the benefits that I receive. I already had my son with my wife, so I still would have the dependent housing allowance, but without being married she wouldn't have received the benefits herself.
Basic training is just under 8 weeks long, and it can seem tough at times, mostly due to the seperation. My advice there is to write as many letters as possible and always talk positively in the letters. What I mean is, don't bring up how hard it is without him the entire time. This can have a negative effect on him while he is there and that is the last thing he needs. That 8 weeks is stressful enough without outside distractions.
After basic training, he will have orders to his first duty station and he will be given a certain amount of money to move there. If the two of you together do not have a lot of things to move, you can use the money to move all of your things. Keep in mind that if if you want to live in base housing, you will need to be married. I'm not sure what your reservations on the legal marriage are, but that is entirely your decision.
Please feel free to e-mail me and I will answer any of your questions, and if you would like, my wife can answer some from your as well. - kcouture25@yahoo.com
Best Wishes,
Kevin Couture
p.s. There is no requirement to live in the barracks until you are an E-5. There are some bases that have rules like that, but for the most part no. As far as taking 5 years to make E-5, that is just ridiculous! If he is motivated, he can make it much quicker, perhaps in the 2-3 year mark depending on the job he chooses.
2007-11-23 09:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin Couture 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Whether he cheats or not has nothing to do with his job but to do with who he is as a person. Joining the Military doesn't change anybody in that way, if you trust each other it doesn't matter what job he does. More civilians cheat than Military guys that I can assure you. Can it work ? yes of course, I joined the Army 19 years ago and had a Girlfriend when I joined, that girl is now my wife we have two children and are still happy together. My job has nothing to do with it, I wouldn't cheat as I have respect and love for her it's that simple. If he gets stationed in another state then you can go live there and get a place together off base, it's the Military not Prison you can still live together and have a normal life.
2016-05-25 03:23:18 · answer #4 · answered by renetta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Coast Guard is a wonderful branch! My brother has been a Coastie fo 6 years and my husband seriously considered it before he joined the AF. He will spend time uderway (out on the boat) for several months at a time after his training is completed. Yes, basic training will change him..that's the purpose of basic training. They break you down and build you up into the soldier they want you to be. One can't help but be changed. The change is not bad!
No, the CG will not recognize you as a dependant and you will not be allowed on base alone without being his legal wife. He will hae to stop at the visitor's center and sign you in everytime you come on base. Because he is not married he will be required to live in the dorms until he reaches the rank of E-5 (about 5 years more or less depending on his job). After he reached E-5, he can then apply to live off-base. He will get a small amount of money for housing but it will be single BAH which does not cover rent, untilites and other neccessities. Honestly, you need to consider marriage if you want to be with him. You will be better taken care of and you will be able to be together all the time. You'd get great health care, a house on base (or full BAH for rent off-base), and all the other fun stuff that comes with being a military spouse!
2007-11-23 09:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by mustangsally76 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Dont take this too hard on yourself. I know there's alot to consider but there's only a slight chance of this happening. And if you know him well, you probably know the reason why he's going , and try to respect that ( I know you do). I think even though you guys are against legally marrying, you should take it into consideration if you don't want to be a nervous wreck about this. Everything's going to be alright just wait and see.. My sister went through the same thing and now has two children and is living with him in a house. :) there are great possibilities in life you could never think of if something terrible happens! ;)
2007-11-23 09:03:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Your problem lady is that you do not believe in marriage. If you married him and became a Coast Guard dependent you would understand why he would be doing what he loves. You have heard the Marine Motto, Sempre Fi. It means always faithful. The Coast Guard motto is you have to go out, you don't have to come in. I have nothing but respect for the men and women of the Coast Guard. They are half rescuers and half policemen of the sea.
I believe you are the selfish one in this situation. If you cannot life with it, leave.
2007-11-23 09:04:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 12⤊ 0⤋
You sound immature. You "don't really believe in the whole idea of legal marriage"? Doesn't sound like much in the way of real commitment. Perhaps its your whole relationship that needs reevaluation.
2007-11-23 09:12:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Get married the legal way and God's way! You just don't want to commit!
2007-11-23 12:23:16 · answer #9 · answered by Bitsy 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Doomed??
Get a life!
2007-11-23 09:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by conranger1 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋