My brother has autism and I can't take it any longer.?

Question

My brother is way (and I mean way) old enough to move out. He has Autism since an early age and many social workers come visit him. He can do things for himself, but his behaviour is rather strange. However he is always denying himself that he has a mental problem and then laughs like a lunatic afterwards.
Anyway. Can the season affect his behaviour? It seems to be around winter that his behaviour goes over the top. He will not talk to you, and if he does, he talks in an angry tone. He goes REALLY crazy after an injection. He repeatedly listen to children music. He blames everything to his parents for not buying him books to learn (???) when really he has learning difficulties. Now he says he will cancel the internet (my parents can't pay), every year he says this & he says he wants to save electricity bills & starts turning every plug off! When he is in a good mood, he would always pat me almost everywhere nonstop. Both sides annoys me!

Can anything be done to control him?

I don't know why people are saying I'm ungrateful. =/ And I do have problems. I suffer from depression and anxiety. And being patted on my head to the extent ill get headaches is not good. How can I help him if he acts that way towards me and having to deal my own problems aswell. I have always spoken to him kindly and asked if he needs anything. My family and social workers have tried and still are. He has been to a hospital, but he dislike going there and I feel sorry for him when he is forced to. I know he'll have it forever, but I thought there is a way to relax or ease him. I'm not saying I hate him, how can I hate a brother? But I am stressed out at this moment in time when I need to study. I can't move out cause I'm still in high school.

Answer 1

I don't really have an answer for you, I just wanted to say don't take comments such as "you sound like an ungrateful girl" & "Hello? He's autistic! You need to take that into account, and help him rather than expect to behave as you would" to heart people don't realise what it is like to live with someone who has a disability or illness and they expect you to accept it 100% but how can they say they don't have to live with it 24/7.

I just wanted to say that as I know what it is like to live with someone with a disability or illness people expect you to act or feel a certain way and if you don't then they make you out to be some horrible person.....If only they knew eh?

Answer 2

That sounds like a difficult situation for you to be in. Have your parents talked to the social workers or anyone about how his behavior changes? There are a lot of different reasons why his behavior could be changing. Some people do get more depressed during winter (Seasonal Affective Disorder?). It has to do with the amount of sunlight they see. There are special lightbulbs that can help with that, they mimic the regular sunlight and cheer people up. I am not saying that is definitely his problem but it is one option I guess.

Autistic people can be difficult to deal with in any case but it sounds like your question is that he is better part of the year and worse other parts? I think your parents need to talk to some of the professionals that come to visit him and see if they can get him some extra services or changes to his treatment especially if they don't already know about his changes in behavior.

Also there are assisted living places where people w/ disabilities can live with some workers who help them out. Also day programs and stuff where they can get out and learn some skills and get some therapy and other things. Maybe he would benefit from some of those things, if he is stuck at home all the time.

Answer 3

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on.

I know of a college that is just for disabled people, the place is called Trelors (I think that's the correct spelling), you live there during term time and go home for holidays.
Not only is it a college but it also helps you to learn how to live as independently as possible when you leave. The maximum age is 25 years old.
To start with you share a room with someone and by the end (if it is thought you can) you have your own flat/bungalow on site, to see if you could manage.
It is difficult to get a place there though, I was offered a place a couple of years ago simply because someone decided at the last minute that they didn't want to go.

There are also physios there, and if I remember correctly a hydrotherapy pool. As well as loads of other things.

It's worth a go....... especially considering he wants to learn.

I wish you luck.

EDIT: If he doesn't want to go or there isn't a place for him, or he is older then 25 maybe he would enjoy going to a day centre?

Answer 4

He probably won't ever be able to live independently, so you're going to have to either accept his presence, wait until you can move out, or find a way to get him into another living arrangement-which sounds like the best option, honestly, as your parents won't live forever and this will have to be looked into eventually anyway. but perhaps they aren't ready for that?
Look, some of his behavior is probably out of his hands. But don't let him get away with everything. If you don't want to be touched, say so. Loudly. Often. Every time. Consistency is the byword with folk like this.
Speaking of consistency, this is part of why he listens to children's music. It's a comfort thing. He needs it. It's one of those things he can't help needing, let that pass. The electricity thing seems like a sort of quasi-OCD thing, not uncommon in people on the autism spectrum. Let that pass too. All these things that he always says, every year? It's patterned behavior. It's not deliberate, he's following a groove in his brain more or less. Just let it flow off your back.
Yes, season can affect behavior. Some people get depressed in the winter-he may need to get out in the sun, or need a therapeutic light-he might actually have SAD, seasonal affective disorder. In other words, prickly pear might be depressed and be exhibiting as anger. You know from experience his emotions don't come out right. He could very easily have a mental illness in addition to having autism.
Bipolar is a possibility, if he leaps from high to low...your mention of "both sides" makes me throw that in.
As for him going really crazy after the injection, perhaps someone needs to look into this injection-does he need this injection?
It's normal for him to want to believe there's nothing wrong with him-wouldn't you want to think so if you were him? And it's normal for you to be pissed off and frustrated. But in the end nothing can be done to "control" another person, actually. You have to concentrate on what can make things more livable for you. Some of that i think could involve understanding the ins and outs of the autistic brain-so you'd know what he can and can't help. From there you could figure out when and where to draw the line-because in some instances it's going to be futile, about as effective as telling him to make his toenails grow faster.
But i reiterate: in the long run it would be better for all if another living situation were found for him. He cannot live independently, you don't want him institutionalized. Someone needs to be thinking about this...

Answer 5

Sweetheart,
i do not know how old you are, but you seem very young. here is an opportunity for you to learn a very difficult life lesson.
first: you only get one family. at least your brother has a good reason for his behaviour and you can begin to understand it as you get older.

second and probably most important: you can control NOONE. even when you have your own children you are solely a guide. PLEASE learn this NOW. take care of YOU and learn to look at you and your difficulties and issues and deal with them. then NOONE will own you. right now, your brother owns you. and, as is clear from your post, life is sucky. but it does NOT have to be this way. learn to keep ALL of the focus on you, how you feel, how you respond to others behaviour. you dont have to like their behaviour. but you also dont have to let them see the effect. learn to find your joy and have great life - even if it is you that ends up taking care of your brother his entire life. ( i am sure this wont happen)

self hypnosis is a great tool to achieve this along with a healty diet and daily exercise.

best...

cw

Answer 6

that's super that the purpose is to push him slightly, i could agree along with your feeling that if he's bigger functioning, the desirable place is in popular instructions. If he can do properly. Set him as much as prevail. one element to do is seek for reclassification if it facilitates the region. Asperger is understood by making use of a few strains of people to be too surprisingly clinically determined and not constantly effectivly. to maintain it user-friendly... and to cite wikipedia --- AS is the autism spectrum illness (ASD) wherein there is not any usual delay in language or cognitive progression. Like different ASDs, it relatively is characterised by making use of problems in social interplay and limited, stereotyped kinds of habit and interests. despite if no longer pronounced in person-friendly diagnostic standards for AS, actual clumsiness and strange use of language are in many circumstances pronounced. locate me a new child that doesn't have at one time or yet another some social subject concerns... in the journey that your mom desires to artwork around the "corporation" take your brother to a various wellness care provider. form an intergrative wellness care provider. a sturdy intergrative wellness care provider is way less probably to settle for that prognosis. they are going to look on the region as an entire and notice if there are any systemic subject concerns which would be making issues worse. replace the regulations even with the undeniable fact that... in the event that they might desire to make him do something simply by fact he has AS, replace the enjoying field get him clinically determined in any different case. purely my opinion.

Answer 7

You are not ungrateful, you are a human being and have been put in a hard position and you just dont know what to do. You might not know this, but he probably made you who you are. You are making a friend in the procces. Also, you are a lot of peoples hero's because, you look at people for what they have to offer and their abilities not their dis-abilities. You are a hero because you dont label people for a person medical diagnosis. So, you just go on and be his friend and sister, you are a hero because of your expirences. To me, my family is just like any other family, we love eachother, we respect eachother and we help eachother. You have already acomplished a lot by welcoming your brother and loving him. You dont need to do anything to make him stop getting on your nerves because, some of the closest people I love get on my nerves all the time, but there is just something about them that I love, kind of like you and your brother.

Answer 8

Yes seasons can affect his behaviour, and everyone's too. Lack of sunlight in the winter causes a deficiency in Vitamin D and it's a recognised illness called Seasonal Affective Disorder. I guess your brother just needs someone to love him and understand him but I also understand it must be hard to live with.

Answer 9

The changes that occur in the winter may be part of a disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder, which can be treated with anti-depressants. The other end can be helped with anti-psychotic drugs.

Answer 10

I understand your frustrations Hun but listen, you have to take a back seat and have a little more patience with him, its really difficult i know for you to have to cope with his outburst, and his moods, you have to understand he has this condition and no amount of moaning and complaining is going to change a thing, have a little more compassion, think how lucky you are to be healthy and in a good state of mind, walk away if its getting to you, talk to your mum but remember it effects everyone in the house not just you, if you would like to learn how to cope with this condition go see your health center or ring a help line who deal with autism, they can give you lots of info on how to cope, its there for you too, i hope this helps Hun keep your chin up and get some help.