my gf is killing me inside. should i stay or go?

Question

i love my gf a lot but she is very busy bc she is a senior in college and applying to grad school. i graduated last yr and am working. we live about 500 miles apart. she says that she loves me but she is too busy for a serious relationship and she can't give me what i want or need but i am in love with her so she is what i want and need. i told her we had two options- one was to remain a couple but try to be more casual and the other was to be broken up but still see each other and have sex sometimes (we both really like the sexual part of our relationship). do you think that two people can agree to be casual and become that way? i'm still a little hurt by some things she has said to me in the past week but am trying to not let it show. she broke up with me but took it back. do you think i should walk away or stay?

Answer 1

I think you should walk away. If it's hurting you too much to stay, then obviously you deserve a different relationship with someone that can give you what you need.

As hard as it sounds, you have to move on and find someone who will really love you the way you deserve.

Good luck! I hope I helped!

Answer 2

Sex alone should not the base for a loving and committed relationship certainly not with your loved one living 500 miles away. The fact that she told you she is too busy for a serious relationship should be a major clue.
If she was really in love with you, she would find a way to make it work no matter how busy her life is and how far apart you are from each other.

Since neither of you have made the sacrifice to adjust your life to be with your partner you should wonder if you are still having a relationship. Having a casual sexual relationship is not what you want now is it? The title of your question says it all. You feel like the situation is killing you. You have strong feelings for your girlfriend and in the end you will suffer more when she can't give you what you need. Loving you back just as much as you love her.

Why not break things off as hard as that may seem. If it's meant to be, she will come back and try to make things work. Moving on is the best thing for you in the long run.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

Don't sit around holding your breath where this gal is concerned. You deserve more than a casual relationship if that's what you desire. The writing is on the wall for you to see & she put it there. You say she can't give you what you want & need, so making a decision based on that alone, should be easy for you. Two people should never stay in a so called relationship just for the sexual satisfaction. If she's hurt you recently by what she's said, then it's more reason to move on. She broke up then took it back, sounds as though she's fickled & doesn't know what she wants. Save yourself some grief down the road & make a clean break from her. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain & you're both still too young to sit around waiting for what may never happen. Cutting the ties that bind may be the hardest thing you do right now but it's the right thing, based on what you have said. This girl may be special but there are others out there who will be too. Get out & date & enjoy life to the fullest.

Answer 4

Breaking up with girlfriends is a part of life - not everyone is meant to stay in your life. It's clear from the way you describe the situation, she doesn't feel the same way for you that you feel for her.

As for your question about whether two people can agree to be casual and "become that way," you are still going to have the same feelings for her. What if she begins to see other people when you are no longer a couple, but just in a physical relationship? You are going to be upset by that.

If she broke up with you, but took it back, you should think about the reasons why she "took it back." Was it because you were upset and by taking it back, it would make your attitude or actions better or less disruptive in her busy life?

It would be better for you to give her time to do what she has to do and then you see who else is out there for you. The both of you may find that with time apart you realize whether you really want to be together or even miss each other enough to try and make it work.

It may be good for you to see other people.

Answer 5

Hun, I'm also in a long distance relationship, not 500 miles apart, not even a 1000 but 37,000 miles apart, we are working on moving closer , he's done with school and I'm also finishing college and am extremely busy. IF I love him Id make sure I'd MAKE time, for my partner. I still make sure I give him the comfort that I am faithfull and love him just as much as he loves me, and this has gone for years. For her to say I'm too busy for a relationship is a kind " leave me alone" Having a long distance relationship is HARD, you have to put the same amount of effort, and living long distance forever is not possible. If you feel she's not putting effort to the relationship it's gonna fail. It is your decision because you know the extra details of the relationship, 1) ask yourself if you are putting the same amount of effort to be together 2) ask yourself if this is the way you always want it to be, for her to be " too busy" 3) Rationalize what a couple that truly loved each other would do in a situation like this

Answer 6

Walk away if you want to be happier in the long run. You both can still remain friends, but it would be a lot better off coupling with someone that is close by. This is a win win situation, still having her as a friend (which is obviously very important) and having a relationship with another girl you will like and spending the right amount of time with each other. Good luck!

Answer 7

I believe that 2 ppl could become that way, but if she and u really loved each other u wouldnt of gone thru that. I think that there are other girls out there that u can go with, because u broke up 4 a reason and that reason is the point to which she broke up with u. I think it's just safer if u both remaind friends and not date until she can realize that she needs 2 move on and sex shouldnt be another reason why u stay 2gether but there should be a sturdy standard to which u both have intamate and can be talkative to.

Answer 8

If you are in love with her, I can gurantee, you can't commit to the casual thing. You might kid yourself, and say you can, but the first time you see her, have sex, and then she goes back home, and find she is with another guy that night, you will be crushed. I personally think she is full of crap when she says she is too busy. What about last year when BOTH of you were in school? If she has concerns about "giving you what you need, etc".. then that should be YOUR choice and not hers. I hate it when people act like they are putting your needs first and it's just BS, they just don't want to tell you what the real deal is, cause they want to look like the good guy. Thats such BS. It sounds like she isn't into it anymore, or she has found someone else, and doesn't want to tell you. Just have a serious talk with her, and tell her to cut the crap and be honest.

Answer 9

OMG!! She says she is too busy for you, can't give you what you need or want? How could you love somebody like that? There are 20 women to 1 man in this country. Forget about her and find someone local. You can find love again and, Yes, sex will also be good too! Don't demean yourself by groveling at her feet, they aren't good for anything buy walking on. I am sure if you look around there is some girl just waiting for you to give her a call.

Answer 10

I think that if you want to be with her then you two should stay together. The busy thing is a set bak, but it can be fixed by maing time for each other about once a week and then call/email/mail each other at least once a week. She just needs to work harder than ever at the moment and when she's done you two can go back to the way it was.