How do you break up with someone without them getting hurt?

Question

We went on 3 dates & made it official on saturday (kinda at my suggestion). Well on the 3rd date we kissed it was my first time kissing someone but it was awful. I don't think anything could ever change it. He told me saturday was the best night ever and he has told me that I'm perfect and how beautiful I am. The problem is I don't feel the same way I about him. I kinda knew after the 1st date it wouldn't work but with my last relationship where I did call it off and ended up regreting it I wanted to give it a chance instead. But he wants to hang out with me this weekend & everytime he does I feel myself wanting to put it off and when the day arrives I am sick to my stomach. I just can't go through that anymore. I know I will probably regret saying I don't want to be his girlfriend before though but I don't want to continue to feel this way. He is a nice guy but how he always compliments me gets sickening. What can I do? He really likes me and says I have captured his heart.

I almost feel as if I am obligated to stick it out for a little while longer. I don't know what to do...please help me...I don't want to hurt him.

Answer 1

There are certain things in life that just aren't easy. One of them is breaking up with someone without him getting hurt. That's like asking "how can I go swimming without getting wet?" You can't stand the idea of being the "heart-breaker"; you can't tolerate the thought of living with guilt.

But remember this: it will hurt him much more if you lead him on for another month, another year, or commit to him out of guilt, only to finally confess at some point, that "I always knew I should have broken up with you." It will hurt him much more to stay in a relationship with a girl who isn't fully emotionally present, a girl who can't give him the complete commitment he deserves.

Release him now. Don't wait for another day.

ravishingV

Answer 2

Only one chance to let this guy down easy without hurting him too much. You have to talk to him in person and tell him you are not ready for a serious relationship and leave it at that. Tell him that as far as you're concerned that you two are just friends. A word to the wise: Do not make contact with him after that, if you see each other say hello but nothing further. Do not expand on your date's or go into any details about your date's or how you feel. Thus he will be able to cope from there. Good Luck!

Answer 3

it is kinda hard, but if u feel nothing toward him, then it is best to call it off, and it is not ur fault, we need time to get to know the other person and to know if its gonna work.
well, how to break up with him, hmmmmm, thats gonna be difficult, call him and start with the usual sentence, TAKE A BREATH & A PAUSE, and then " We need to talk", it will prepare him 4 the break up, tell him that he is a nice guy and that he really desreve a good thing, but it is all about u, that u need something else, tell him that he is really a good person but life now is so complicated to u that u need a break 4 a while, and DON'T TELL HIM THAT HE IS A BAD KISSER.
be nice, and pretend that it is difficult 4 u, that it is not easy 4 u to let him go, but u have to bcs u need to find things by urself, that u need a while to think about stuff and to be by urself, that u r sorry 4 letting go and he'll be always in ur mind and an essential part/memory from u.
and GOOD LUCK, u'll need it.
i hate it when we have to break up

Answer 4

lol, I dont think he is saying that he is planning on breaking a wrist on purpose! I think he might have broken his wrist and was surprised it didnt hurt that much, which can often be the case. When I broke mine i didn't get a sharp pain, just a dull ache and a feeling of sickness if I stood up for any length of time. This was when I was at school and when I went to the school nurse she thought I was wasting her time, she said something like "if every child who hurt their arm came to me..." etc, etc. She told me to go away and come back if it still bothered me after a few hours, which I did. This was around the time when I used to cycle to school and I ended up cycling home with a broken wrist. Even the doctor at the hospital thought I was exaggerating when I said i thought i'd fractured my wrist, then it turned out I had and had it plastered.

Answer 5

Tell him that you think he is a really sweet person and that is why you want to take it a little slower before committing to a relationship, because of your last relationship tell him you remember what you learned out of it, to slow down and take the time to really get to know someone with out all the pressures of being in a relationship, plus to give yourself a little space tell him you don't really have the time to put into a relationship at this time in your life but would like to remain friends and see if it could lead to something else!

Answer 6

ok. you just can't control other people's emotions. accept that. and please do not stick it out any longer just so you'll avoid hurting him because often times you'll come to resent that and start being mean because subconsciously you'll want to drive him away. you'll hurt him. now break ups are just a part of life and dating. it'll hurt, but it's a hurt that he can get over. but seriously, you staying just to spare his feelings is not about him - it's about you wanting to spare your feelings. be honest with him and yourself. JUST BREAK UP. with TACT. and HONESTY. and you'll g be with that someone, too. just explain that you are not that someone.

you get over the guilt by saying: there is no point in having dishonest relationships unless i want to be miserable. and it is more responsible and kind to tell people how you really feel, instead of continuing to lie to yourself and them. you deserve a chance for happiness, too, it is not your job to make sure others are happy when you are not.

it's ok. you gave it a shot. and it's not working. that happens. pain happens.

edit: oh, and i think that it's inappropriate and bad to say after three dates, you are perfect and have captured my heart. that is probably a lie, nobody should be put on the perfect pedestal like that, especially after three dates, and he's basically saying, you have my heart in your hands. it's needy, in its own way manipulative, and puts tremendous pressure on the other person. anyways. my two cents. gl. and be firm, don't lie to yourself.

Answer 7

You are not obligated to him. You have to break up because the longer you wait the more he becomes attached. Then he will be hurt even more. Just say you don't feel the same way he does and he should find someone who is crazy about him. There is no way to let him off easy.

Answer 8

I went thru the same situation with my ex. The truth and honesty is always the best policy. Just be honest with him, tell him that you do like him but there is nothing there. Reassure him that it is not because you don't want to be with him but that you don't feel like he feels about you, that you don't think is fair that you keep taking his time for him to find the right person for him, and that you are only thinking in his happiness and that you don't think that you are the right one for him because you won't be able to love him like he deserves, either way he'll hurt but at least he'll understand that you tried to make it work. Hope it helps!

Answer 9

I think it's important to remember that you are not responsible for anyone's feelings. Except your own. If he really likes you, he will be hurt when you break up with him, but it is up to him how he handles it. You are not responsible for his actions, desires, or feelings.

If, however, you lie to him, or have led him on, then you owe him an apology. You also owe it yourself to learn from the experience. But you are still not responsible for him. Dating like everything else that is truly wonderful and rewarding in life, is a "do at your own risk" kind of situation.

Somebody told me once to resign from my position as General Manager of the universe. That helped me very much, and I think it applies here.

Answer 10

You can't. . . but the sooner the better before you get in too deep. You can usually tell when you kiss a person if you feel anything for them. Just politely tell him that you don't a future relationship. Make sure you say it over the phone.