How do I deal with my 13 yr old?

Question

My daughter is so sassy at times I would like to UGGG!!!
We attend church regularly and I expect her to go,yet she still has a mouth on her!! We taught her to be respectful of her parents but NO, she argues everything with me. It seems as if she is angry at me for breathing!! Her grades are slipping and I have put her in extra classes to help her but she would rather sit on the couch eating or watching t.v. than helping out around the house. I am at wits end with her. HELP!!!

Answer 1

She's experiencing the wonderful hormonal changes that come with being a teen. Just remember that it took you years to adjust to them, and she will be no different. As far as the grades, you should set your expectations and tell her in advance that if she can't accomplish that, she will lose privileges. My step son is gifted and is required to make "A's". If he scores below that, he will lose his video games first and then his TV. Also, with a teen, the best thing you can take away is their privacy (take the door off her room).

Just remember, the only things you are required to supply her are clothing and a bed. You can take everything else when you choose. If you want to start with a clean slate, take everything out of her room leaving her only with a mattress on the floor and her clothing. Tell her that for every week she does as she should, you will return one item. ALso give her the opportunity to earn things back more quickly by setting goals that are acheivable like cooking or assisting you two nights in a row. Get creative.

Answer 2

Ok...I'm 14 & I went thrue the same stage! Everyone goes through that rebellious stage, some earlier than others. Instead of arguing back when she back talks you or giving her this pep talk, ignore her! Its that simple. It got alll over my nerves when my mom would ignore me & it made me feel quite stupid...so I just stopped back talking her. Don't ground her when she doesn't do her chores, give her her chores & tell her that she has so many minutes or hours to finish them. Don't say something like, "you have 5 minutes to do your chores or your grounded." It will make her even madder & more rebellious. for example: If she has to clean the lliving room, wash the dishes, & make her bed...give her 2 hours. Even though it won't take 2 hours to do those chores itwill help! Trust me! Lastly, it sounds like you & your daughter are growing apart. Take her out for an icecream just you & her. Talk with her & figure out whats going on in her life. At this age she probably has alot on her mind & sometimes all we need is for people to listen, not advice. Don't give her advice unless she asks. Explain to her how you feel too.

Hope I helped!

Answer 3

Remove the TV from the house. Tell her that when she starts talking to you in a civil manner that you MIGHT consider letting her have it again. Don't let her have anything like phones, TV, video games, computers in her own room. If she has these, remove them and only leave her with a bed and dresser. Make her earn her things back with good behavior and grades.

Answer 4

I feel for you hon, but I was in your shoes last year, your teen is not 3 so taking away things will only worsten the problem, tell your teen that there are perks to doing well and consequences to doing poorly,
add that you'd love to perk them to death!
My daughter is also 13 and I've noticed her going through some tough times expressing herself,
if I ask "whats wrong" she used to tell me, "nothing, or nevermind" this made me feel like she could'nt confide in me.
and that hurt,
what i'll suggest to you is to try to remember how we felt at 13 (times were way less stressful than today) STOP SAYING I UNDERSTAND!!
And tell your daughter you love her, and NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HER.
we know this but she needs to hear this alot,
When she does open up to you, don't offer advice unless she ask's for it,(this it the toughest part of parenting, just LISTEN)

Answer 5

Welcome to the teen years! I remember being such a saucy little brat when I was her age, my sister was and now my brother is. We were all good kids who attended church adn were raised with mannors aswell, we had rules and consequences but there is just something about being 13 and knowing it all :p

I have never had to deal with being the parent of a teen but I say you just stick your ground, keep up the job your doing and be consistant with your rules and punishments and she will get out of this phase of her life. That is all my mother and father done, although I am sure we stressed them to the max at points, we turned/turning out fine! Me and mys ister are respectful adults andmy 14 year old brother is having his moments :)

Answer 6

The middle school ages are tough because that is typically the hormanal change period. We teach at a religious private school (http://islam1.org) and the middle school children there tend to have their moody periods. The key thing is to let them know you want the best for them and what is needed.

I would say no unsupervised T.V. and which can only be watched after the homework is completed.

I would also try to talk to some of her friends' parents and see if there are similar things going on with them.

Answer 7

1. i am 14 and i do the exact thing.
2. take her out of the extra classes find somthing she likes to do.
3. I go to church to and i still mouth of to my mom.

It's kind of natural she just wants to see how far she can go like what your limits are wen she goes coco on you don't start yelling or anything just be calm and most likely she will gain some sort of repect for you.

Answer 8

sit and talk - take her out and explain your feelings (short and sweet) maybe she is feeling neglected in some way....problems with friends? boys? PUBERTY? hormones? ...I think every 13 yr old goes through this

if grades are slipping (and they werent before) this is a sign...something is up....show support and open the lines of communication....talk to her teachers and see if they have noticed anything. Get her involved in sports or some sort of hobby (boost self-esteem and get her interested in other things)

But DO NOT allow your child to back talk you....discipline!
I suggest you read the book - or skim it "How to talk so your kids listen and how to listen so your kids talk" (or something to that affect)

Answer 9

WILL SHE 13 YR AND YOU RUN THE HOUSE NOT HER THE BEST THING I CAN TILL YOU IS DO WHAT MY MOM DID TO ME SHE TOOK EVERYTHING SHE EVER BOUGHT ME AND LEFT ME WITH NOTHING AND JUST MY CLOTHS AND A BED NO TV,NO PHONE AND ALL THE GOOD THING IN LIFE IT WORK DONT GIVE THEM BACK AN TILL SHE PICK BUT THE GRADES . GOOD LUCK IT TAKE TIME

Answer 10

i say un plug the tv, and put your foot down. she is at that age and you being the parent need to show her you are boss, and are serious with her. if you must, ground her, take away her things. BE the PARENT and dont let her walk all over you