My mother smokes in our house and refuses to quit. It is disgusting. I hate smoke and i hate her selfishness!!

Question

I am a 14 year old girl. I live with my family: dad, mom, sister-20 years old, brother-17 years old, 4 cats, and a dog. My mother smokes constantly and everyone in the house is sick and tired of the constant smoke ruining our skin, lungs, body. It is completely disgusting and I can not stand it. Also, I am the only person in my house that can not drive, so my mom usually drives me places and she smokes in the car. I try talking to my mom about her smoking but she completely refuses to even do that. I have no idea what to do about any of it. She makes it so difficult to live and to like her. She knows she is killing herself and everyone in the house but truthfully, she seems not to care. Sometimes I get really angry when she's smoking and do crazy stuff to bring her attention to her smoking issue. Once I cut up 5 packs of cigarettes and poured them in her bed (my mom and dad don't sleep together). Also, I threw her ashtray into the street once (damn thing doesn't break). Please help! :(

Answer 1

Other than the smoking issue, what is your relationsip with your mother? Is it close, normal, estranged? Have you tried tough love or is that a direction you don't want to go? Is there something about you that your mother would miss is it was no longer there? I don't know how your other family members are addressing this issue, if at all. Sometimes a joint effort is a viable option. Always keep in mind that it is an addiction that she is dealing with and it may not be that she doesn't care she simply can't cope with quitting. Everytime she asks you the question "What would you like" when it comes to your birthday or the holidays answer that you would like for her to at least try quitting smoking. When I examine my life I find that there are things about me that irritates others. I have offered to quit one of mine in exchange for one of anothers. There are plenty of odor removal products and many are on time releases to help keep a cleaner air in the house. Yes, second hand smoke has been proven to be harmful; however our bodies can combat some pretty bad stuff if we stay healthy. So exercise, eat the right foods, and get the proper amount of rest. I have a brother who deals with excess alcohol usage.
Yes, it makes it hard to like him at times. But family is family. Keep trying to cope, and be innovative in your quest, but my personal view, don't use destroying her items as a way to make a point. As you have seen, it doesn't work anyway. It is easy to love the lovable, as a test of character, keep working with those who are not.

Answer 2

Is your mother mean and cruel to you?
Does she hate taking you places and doing other things for you?
Does she ever do special things for you?
When you have a problem does she ignore you or does she want to know what's wrong so she can help?
Are you in bad health and have to go to the doctor or the hospital and they claim it's all because she smoking?
You sound like you are pretty defiant toward her.
You have been living with her for 14 years and you sound like you want to set the rules.
Why are you being so obsessed over this I'm sure that she is very tolerant of some of the things you do that she had rather you not do and she loves you.
I have been around people smoking all my life and my dad also smoked there were eleven of us and we have never had any health or skin problems because of it. Three of my siblings smoke and the rest don't but that's what they want to do and we love them we never get mean and nasty to them.
The smell is not offensive either compaired to some of the smelly things we put up with.
If she were to die tomorrow from something else I'll bet you would want her back and even buy her cigarettes if you only had the chance.
You should calm down and be thankful for the wonderful things in life that you enjoy.
Even though you have been giving her a hard time I'll bet you are one of the greatest joys of her life.

Answer 3

I am a smoker, and I can tell you for a fact, that there is nothing you can do to make your mom quit.

Nicotine is an addiction. It's as bad as any illegal drug you've ever heard of and worse than others.

I usually smoke in the kitchen. I put a fan in the kitchen window to pull the smoke out.

showing your mom pictures of what smoking does to people won't help. You might as well be showing a heroin addict what heroin does to someone. It won't stop the addiction.

People are addicted to different things. some people are addicted to sugar, coffee, etc.

Those things may not be illegal, but they can cause health problems just as serious as cigarettes, booze, or drugs.

How many obese people have strokes and heart attacks each year? Should we outlaw Twinkies, cupcakes, or candy bars?

What about caffeine addiction? do you drink a lot of soda? Did you ever wonder why? It's the caffeine. It's addictive as well. Caffeine withdrawal causes headaches. All you have to do is drink a cup of coffee or a soda and the headache goes away.

You're young, you love your mom, and you want her to quit. That's understandable.

But how willing are you to give up the things that your addicted to??

Answer 4

It's not that she's being selfish. It's called an addiction. Like overeating, alcoholism, etc. It's not that easy to quit. Your mother needs help. She can't quit cold turkey in one day.

You can talk to her, but your rudeness has to stop before you expect her to try and stop. It's not that easy and until you go through an addiction, you'll just never understand.

I know people who smoke, but not once do I give attitude like you do. I understand your feelings on smoking, but take a chill break for awhile. There's no need to go all out in that way, especially if you expect her to quit.

Just be thankful you have a mother. It makes me sick the kind of people who treat their mothers like crap over stupid things. No, smoking isn't good for you, but you can't expect someone to quit with a snap of the finger. Be thankful you even have her and treasure every minute with her, because one day she won't be here. Sadly, I learned that way too early when my mom hasn't been around since I was a baby.

Answer 5

Any adult with an addictive personality disorder will find your approach ineffective, as you are a child, and to be so completely confrontational, by yourself, as a child will just not work; but, the adults around you that you can tell your feelings to may be able to help you, to cope, and to provide you with support where they can.

I believe some of your real anger comes from other home aspects though, and the obvious comment about your parents separate sleeping arrangements clearly means this is an issue which is of concern to you, somehow; and, you are not wrong, and your mothers behavior is selfish. But, until her life is balanced and happy, she is probably unlikely to be able to truly, right now, kick her habits regardless of anything you say or do at all.

As a side note though, see a lawyer, or you could tell your Mom, if she divorces your Dad before you turn 18, in most states, you are old enough now to ask for judicial support if you want, and, then you may not even have to see her at all, unless and until she follows your smoking ban!

Hey, better yet, maybe you can just go live somewhere else; someplace smoke-free~

Goodluck.

Answer 6

My biggest issue is that you're trying to change something you already knew about. To me, weed is no big deal. I don't do it (though I had on a few occasions when I was younger) but I'm not totally against using it all together. Needing to be constantly stoned, is a problem though. You need to decide how important this is to you - if its something worth leaving over, or putting up with. I think you two need to discuss limitations, and you CAN ask him to quit, but you can't expect it if this is who he was before you met. Really, in terms of all the other things he could be doing, its not SO bad. Though I dont think needing it daily, and while working is a good thing, either. I'm not particularly for or against weed. Im more or less indifferent to it, if its used occasionally - especially compared to other things someone could be doing in place of it. But this is something you two need to figure out - whether it be compromising, you being ok, him quitting, or going seperate ways. -2 months in IS still the beginning of a relationship - you have had however long since then to deal with this and work it out before you agreed to marry him. Don't play the victim. If he promised and didn't quit - why havent you done anything about it in some way?? Only you are responsible for what goes on in your life and what you allow to continue in your life. If he promised, didn't quit and you didn't leave - you've enabled him and shown him its really not an issue. So now you need to decide if it is, and be serious about it this time. End of. Next time, dont involve your precious little boy with a man you've only known for 2 months.

Answer 7

Sit down and talk to your mom in a civilized manner. Don't criticize her, nor get angry with her. Let her know that if she wants to smoke, then you will respect her decision to do so. But ask her if she would go outside and smoke. Tell her in this way, everyone can get what they want and encourage the rest of the family to go with her sometimes to keep her company. If she is willing to compromise and do this, then you can set her up a place to go with a couple of chairs, a little table and an ashtray. When the weather gets really bad though, you may need to make a compromise yourself and accept her smoking inside, but suggest that maybe she can do it by a window that is cracked to let the smoke out. The same window would be nice. If she wants people to respect her in her decision to smoke, then she too needs to show respect for those who do not. If you can get her to agree to this, then do not get onto her about her smoking anymore. It will just cause her to be more stubborn.

Answer 8

Show her some pictures of what happens to smokers. Also, ask your dad to take you and your sibblings on a mini vacation just to get away from her for a while and maybe stick something to her to let her know you guys don't have to stay in that smoky house. Also, she might need some councelling. Maybe she's smoking so much because she's nervous or struggling emotionally. Get another adult to talk to her about her habbits and tell her what it's doing to her children and husband. It's good that you aren't fond of her habbits or want to start. Smoking kills, and stinks. Keep telling her she's a bad influence and make her think about what she's doing. Good Luck! I'm sorry your mom made the wrong decision and you have to deal with it. Make her quit by using facts or photos. Tell her she won't be around to play with her grandkids and she'll miss you when she's gone. That'll strike a mom.

Answer 9

u wrote ur mom n dad dont sleep 2gether so my guess is theyre going thru a pretty tough time, this makes smokers smoke more i am a non smoker but all my family are and yes i dont like the smell im lucky my fella smokes outside but my parents smoked in the house when i was younger (it was different then) well it was like this mum could only smoke in 1 room at a time so if you dont like it go in another room better still urs ....
and im sure cuttin up her cigarettes made her feel great too ....
i think ur mom is feelin fed up try n make her feel better instead of naggin then she might start to feel happy n start listening

Answer 10

Nicotine is an addictive drug. And yes it's unpleasant to be around a smoker if you don't smoke. All the badgering in the world is not going to get your mother to quit. Maybe you could try letting her know how much you love her, and want her to live. You should hate the habit not the addict.