My BF can be sometimes great -- he is very funny and cute.
But he says it is important to him to be friends with all of his exes because "you don't want to lose that intimacy" I have no idea what that means and am not sure he does either, but I guess he values friendships with exes. It makes me somewhat uncomfortable, but he is unwilling to stop hanging out with them. Do I just go on with this? He is very immature in some ways too -- he is 30.
2007-11-23 03:11:26 · 15 answers · asked by seeksadvice28 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only intimacy he should be cultivating is with you. If he doesn't get that, then please have the courage to lose this self-centered jerk.
2007-11-23 03:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Umm Yea .. well your not alone that would make me feel really uncomfortable too!! I would be pissed to be honest lol ... its just expecting for a guy your dating too NOT associate with an X becuase there is always that "lust" of wanting them again. And he may say they are just friends.. but what happen when they have a few drinks together.... and start talking about old times.. it will make them remeber what they had and that is a HUGE problem. If he wants to be with you there should be no reason that he needs to be friends with X's ... it sounds like a bad excuse if you ask me. My advice would be too let him know that if he continues this craziness that you are going too have too take a "break" and see how he handles that ! If he comes back then you know he wanted you and not the x's if he doesnt then you know what you did was to benefit yourself.
2007-11-23 11:16:08 · answer #2 · answered by igotyou888888 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat him down and talked with him about it? I know exactly what you are talking about. Some people would rather have someone that they used to be with as a friend than as nothing. It's not unheard of but yes it can be uncomfortable. Maybe there is a way that you guys can compromise about it? I think that you should try really telling him how you feel, let him tell you hohw he feels and try to find a common ground about the subject. I hope all goes well!
2007-11-23 11:20:26 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki89 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too!! Me personally I would not stand for it because exes are just that. He needs to find new friends and move on. He also in my opinion needs to focus his "intimacy" on you not the others. Intimacy in his eyes are what? Only you can answer that question. Good Luck!
2007-11-23 11:16:28 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Momma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with him. I only pursue relationships with people I think are incredibly awesome. Just because for one reason or another we wind up not wanting to spend our lives together doesn't mean we shouldn't be friends. Close friendships take time to really establish and out of the billions of people, how many are you really going to get to know well in your life?
I guess it comes down to how you view relationships... some people aren't buddies with their significant others in quite the same way they are with their friends, some are. I think perhaps you two simply have a different perspective on how things are?
If you can't trust him, don't you think you two have bigger issues than who he chooses as friends?
Otherwise, yah, until I saw this answers site I would never have imagined how insecure people are in their relationships... or how many people seem to believe that it's impossible to have friends of the opposite gender. *checks calendar* hm, still 2007 ...
2007-11-23 11:27:09 · answer #5 · answered by harmless 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex but there should be some level of respect and consideration of feelings for the new spouse/partner. I say try talking to him about it and if nothing changes you might need to reevaluate your relationship. It's not fair for you to be constantly uncomfortable or your feels not being considered. Good luck.
2007-11-23 11:16:46 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GO ALONG WITH THIS, that guy is crazy!!!!
When you break up with someone, you forfeit whatever intimacy you had with that person and MOVE ON! Especially if you are with another person!
It is extremely inappropriate for him to be friends with his exes for that reason. I am somewhat friends with my exes, but bot because of our past intimacy, and we do not hang out. That would be disrespectful to my current boyfriend.
Don't go along with it because it's ridiculously inappropriate and disrespectful to you. If he wants to maintain their intimacy. tell him to get back together with them. If he wants to be with you, he should only be concerned with the intimacy between the two of you!
2007-11-23 11:16:17 · answer #7 · answered by Rosie25 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At 30 years old, he should be mature enough to understand that would make you uncomfortable. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to burn any bridges with his ex's. Maybe he wants to make sure if things don't work out with you, he'll have someone to run back to. I'd lay down the law and let him know....being acquaintances is fine...but "hanging out" with them is crossing the line....sounds like you need to move on sister.
2007-11-23 11:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by §ECgal† 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to clarify with him what does he mean by "intimacy". Other than that I'd say its ok as long as the contact is sporadic and not interfering with your relationship. If it its, you've got a problem. Either he stops letting his relationships with his exes interfere or you need to move on.
2007-11-23 11:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by soda7nb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am friends with a lot of my ex's - it's not like we see each other every day or i discuss intimate details of my new relationship.
i just think it can be easier to stay friends than make an enemy.
beside they are people from my past that shared a big part of my life for a while.
but let him know that he's seeing them too often and you'd rather he spend the time with you, if it makes you uncomfortable
2007-11-23 11:23:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tough spot to be in. My daughter is experincing the same thing. Guy thinks with two heads, the smaller one always wins out. Think about it.
2007-11-23 11:16:02 · answer #11 · answered by Bob P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋