What to do about family who comes to every event as a guest and takes loads of leftovers home?

Question

What to do about family who comes to every event as a guest and takes loads of leftovers home?
Every holiday and family event, my sister and I prepare a HUGE meal for about 25 people. What can we do about other members of our immediate family that attend every year, sit down and expect to be waited on, then leave first taking home several meals worth of leftovers? Some will bring a dish to pass, but still sit on their behinds the whole time while my sister and I bust a** to pick up after everyone and do the clean up. They don't monitor their pre-teen children who are sure to be first in line for food and take several servings of dishes on their first time through the line as my sister and I cringe worrying there won't be enough of the favored dishes to go around, only for those children to leave mega portions of untouched food on their plate laying around the house for us to dispose of later. While my sister and I are finally eating, they announce that they have to leave and they fill up a pan of leftovers sufficient to feed their family several meals... what to do?

Answer 1

Don't be so hard on youselves..you'll continue to be blessed for your love of family. Every family have them...do the same thing year after year. I know you must be frustrated but remember they're family...and as bad as it may seem, you pulled it off yet again. Every mom and dad don't raise their kids to have morals and unselfishness as we were raised...but they're still family and I know you don't want to hurt anyones feelings. The things you can do are:

1. Tell the parents about your concerns that wasting food and taking w/o thinking of others is unfair. The even is for all not just a few.

2. Have someone serve the meals, not a free for all. Same thing when every thing is done have some some one again dedicated to serving leftover plates limit the take away plated per family. You can make all this known prior to starting that everyone know the rules.

3. Place trash bags thru-out and remind everyone, especially kids, that all trash will be placed in the bags. That no food will be wasted, ask for what you want but eat all you get, and don't be afraid to speak out about wasting. Ask them to help clean up/serve, making sure it's spreaded so all get something.

Hope this helped...RM

Answer 2

My family have big gatherings aswell for a similar number of people.

We have unwritten 'procedures' which may sort some of those things out.

For a start, nobody helps themselves. We get the whole family to sit down ready for their meal. Then me and my sis, and maybe a couple other people will serve the food, its like a conveyor belt, one person puts the meat on the plate, another the potatoes & stuffing, another the Veg etc...

We dish out the kids food first, to keep them busy and occupied. Then move on to the adults. This way, we can control exactly how much food is going onto the plates, so the kids get smaller portions, and the men get bigger portions etc..

It's sounds a bit military but it works a treat!

To stop the left overs being taken, you either need to tell them from the start that you need the left overs yourself, or put everything away before anyone gets the chance to!

Answer 3

I would make dishes in smaller dishes and keep them out of sight and then bring them out later. This way you don't have to worry they eat more than there chair. I then would serve yourself and your sister your own meal and put away leftover food in the freezer. Make clear to the rude family members that you opted to cook less so there are no leftover to be taken. I would also ask that same family member to bring the more expensive dishes to the the party. If that does not help stop inviting the or tell them it is their turn to prepare the party. I was always told to bring enough food to feed your own family. Perhaps that is a guide to use. Also ask them to be polite enough to stay till every one is done eating. That is proper etiquette.

Answer 4

Your situation is not that uncommon, I would imagine ----
One way would be to make up the plates of food for the younger kids yourself , or another adult.
You may need , next time ----, to convey over to all who come to a event --- a few "unspoken rules". Tell the smaller kids that they need a adult to prepare their plate --- do this so the others ,around you will hear. You will probably have to watch ,and step up to assist a child , a few times , to get these "unspoken rules" made known around the room.
Be a little bit more "active", and keep on top of things --- tell the parents to serve their own kids a "child portion" of anything the kid wants to eat , and when that is eaten --- there"s more. Let it be known around the room that there are are certain "rules" --- speak up to all,as you mingle ---- don"t remain silent,and in your chair, as you watch one of the kids destroy a dish ----- ask the parents to get up,and serve their child .
It"s a touchy deal many times in dealing with relatives, and their "feelings", but at the same time ---- let"s not forget about yours too. Follow a few rules and issues of manners --- let everyone know where the "line" is. This part is up to you.
Some relatives come to say >a Thanksgiving Dinner -- with the sole thought , and pre-meditated intention , of scooping up all they can to take back home. You have one ,or two of these "guys" in your family,as well as I do ,and many others.
You know who they are, and should expect their actions . They are watching you and for that right time to start grabbing up the food --- it"s what they plan to do from the get-go,and probably the main reason for attending your function.
What can I say ?? --- You simply have to keep a eye on them , and speak up --- BEFORE ---they make their move--which they are waiting to do~~~~~when you turn your back.
They are watching you --- for that right moment !! Be aware of this point.
The key point here I think, in all this , is to be a little more active,and assertive ,on your part, in conveying over to all -- your "rules of the house", so that all hear, and will know.
I wish you luck ,and all others who have this same problem.
+++Spock+++

Answer 5

all you have to do is announce while everybody is eating that some one else will have to do all the cooking next year. Just tell them that you will supply the plates and utinsils. Now that the feast is over for this year just start telling everybody to prepare for the next feast somewhere else. We had the same situation. One family would show up with a can of cranberry jelly stuff (wow, .50 cents). Then eat their fill , and wonder what we were going to do with all those leftovers. They would end up taking enough for another meal. We told everybody just what I told you. We stuck to our word, we have the family get-togathers somewhere else now and we don't have to worry about it.

Answer 6

They are doing this to you and your sister b/c you have allowed them to do it. At Christmas BEFORE everyone eats make an announcement that every family has to bring something to contribute...that way you are not busting your butt by your self. Also, tell them to make their small children's plates first and then the adults go through the line and then the teens...

Answer 7

sounds like a communication problem. no one is forcing you to give these dinners. so if it stress you out, or you cant put up with the people, quit! maybe after a year or so with no meals from you, you could start over with a more organized gathering where everyone brings and everyone helps. be careful, those people are the only family you'll ever have.

Answer 8

Next year, suggest that you hold THanksgiving at one of their houses. If you like to cook, you can volunteer to cook a dish or two at their house but during the rest of next thanksgiving just sit on your behind the rest of the time and take home several plates of food. See how they like it. Maybe it will teach them something.

Answer 9

maybe you and your sister should try to talk to the parents. when the children come up to get loads of food, tell them to take smaller amount so they dont waste any and say something like "save room for dessert" or "dont eat to much, we'd have to roll you home". My grandparents always told the kids of our families "if you eat too much food, you wont be able to play with the others so much. we'd have to roll you home because you got too much in your tummies. if you ate any more, youd pop like a balloon." it always scared the little kids cuz grampa would pop a real balloon just as she said it. best of luck.

Answer 10

Do not invite them again, EVER!!! Or, if you must invite them, tell them dinner is served at 6:00 and you begin to eat at 4:00.