What to do about family who comes to every event as a guest and takes loads of leftovers home?

Question

Every holiday and family event, my sister and I prepare a HUGE meal for about 25 people. What can we do about other members of our immediate family that attend every year, sit down and expect to be waited on, then leave first taking home several meals worth of leftovers? Some will bring a dish to pass, but still sit on their behinds the whole time while my sister and I bust a** to pick up after everyone and do the clean up. They don't monitor their pre-teen children who are sure to be first in line for food and take several servings of dishes on their first time through the line as my sister and I cringe worrying there won't be enough of the favored dishes to go around, only for those children to leave mega portions of untouched food on their plate laying around the house for us to dispose of later. While my sister and I are finally eating, they announce that they have to leave and they fill up a pan of leftovers sufficient to feed their family several meals... what to do?

This is a close family and we couldn't consider leaving them out. It will be ackward to say anything, so please take that into consideration. I want suggestions on how to have Christmas turn out different, maybe more people sharing the burden so we can all enjoy the day. How do we get help from the peoply sitting around? We have tried gentle suggestions, jokingly telling the youngsters who get in line first that the first five people in line have to do clean up, asking for help, etc. all to no avail. We get blank stares or rude responses. It's so much work for us, and they have all of the fun. Also, these family members don't reciprocate, even the handful of times they have had family over, they assign dishes for us to bring and make small portions of whatever they are serving. They expect us to help because they know we will.

Answer 1

I would probably prepare the TO GO leftovers before dinner is served..... buy the cheap gladware and pack enough for 1 meal for each person......when you sit down to dinner..... say you have an announcement to make, and then start by thanking your guests and saying you are glad they could all make it for another thanksgiving, and you hope there will be many more to come....THEN drop the bomb.... By the way everyone, I I already made your leftover dishes so you can take them home, they are labled with your names and you can grab them when you are ready to go.... maybe you could say that the other leftovers are going to the homeless shelter.... or to the less fortunate neighbors from the church, or down the street!!

Answer 2

I had the same thing go on last night with some of my husband's family so I feel your pain - literally. I've decided that I have to just accept it and do the best I can. This year two guys volunteered for dish duty and even wiped down the cooktop. I do have a few suggestions/hints for you. First, put out only half of the favorite dishes and then refill the dishes as necessary so you can be sure that everyone gets some. Second, ask the kids to go around the house and pick up all the extra plates, glasses and napkins and maybe have a little reward for them after they do this like a little bag with some candy and maybe a toy in it. Third, take control of the leftovers. There are styrofoam carryout boxes at Costco that are fairly inexpensive. Buy some of these, load one up for each family with whatever you want them to have and put in a grocery bag for them and set it aside. If you have lots of leftovers then you can give them more. Fourth, delay dessert until the tables and the kitchen are cleaned. This may spur them into assisting with the cleaning because they want the dessert. Fifth, have you considered hiring someone to come in and take care of the cleaning afterwards?

Finally, next year don't do so much. Fix turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, a green veggie and a dessert. If anyone dares to complain then smile sweetly (practice first!) and tell them that it was just too much for you last year.

Answer 3

First off, it's your house, your the hostess and you determine what will happen. You have allowed this to happen by not being more demanding and just kidding around. You are allowing things to just happen and then get angry with the fall out. Set the rules, let everyone know what they are and follow through to carry them out. Children in your house must listen to you if the parents aren't taking charge.Let them know they get one helping until all people are served just like everyone else. Put people in charge of a certain task in the prep, cooking, or cleanup. As for leftovers, it is ridiculously rude that anyone, family or not, would expect the food is theirs and help themselves. You however, are once again allowing them to. Make it clear the leftovers are for your immediate family. You made the big meal, you deserve some cooking time off for a few days. The point in all of this is to not allow anyone to take over YOUR house. Take charge or stop hosting the events.

Answer 4

Crikeys, learn to say NO. Be they family or not, there are rules n simple politeness that should be follwed.
!/ In the invite for Chrissie, tell them they WILL have to bring a plate of food to help out, be it a hot dish, salad or dessert........no if's buts or maybes, tell them to help share costs they must do this.
2/ Prepare the food on a seperate table or beanch n serve the kids yourselves, telling them as u serve that they are welcome to come back for seconds if still hungry, but that the first serving has to satisfy the needs of everyone.
3/ Before dessert or sweets served, demand that everyone is to return plates etc n rinse or put them away to make room for dessert, before it is served.
4/ Doggy bags...when the table cleared for dessert, put the leftovers back in fridge or pots or whatever, tell them they can have some left overs, but they need to wait until all food served n eaten n to ask u n u will get some for them, if you have enuff left that is,
5/ Continue to allow them to abuse your generousity n they will continue to do so.
6/ Try reverse physycology on each couple, tell them that last yr u did not like some of the other family members abusing your generousity n ask how they would deal with it.....ppl being ppl will not suspect it is their family n dont say who, just say some, but u can bet they will ensure that they will improve their behaviour so as not to been seen as the bad apples
7/ If u don't stop it now, u will find u will have no family in anycase, so do some tuff luving now to avoid major rifts that can't be repaired and sooner than u think if u don't stop it.

Good luck, be strong, if u don't make a stand now, u will continue to be treated as doormats!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Sounds like some where along the line they acquired a sense of 'entitlement'. What I think you and your sister should do from now on is establish (before the dinner party) who will bring what and who will help with clean up. You can also establish what amount of leftovers can be taken.

These people continue to do this because no one really stops them or might be too embarrassed to even say anything because it is the wrong time, so establishing these boundaries ahead of time would be best. You could do it in the form of a family meeting OR just as you are inviting people to the event.

Answer 6

1. Enlist the lazy family members to pitch-in. As soon as they walk in the door and take their coat off say something like "I'm so glad you are here! Sister and I need help in the kitchen." Grab the person by the hand and lead them to the kitchen and put them to work.
2. Be direct with the pre-teens - when you see an abandoned half empty plate - pick up the plate and sweetly ask "Whose plate is this?" When the offending pre-teen steps forward you could say something like "Oh sweetie I see you haven't finished your food and its getting cold, come sit down and complete your meal . . . . (wait just a moment and then say in the nicest voice you can muster) and please help me out by cleaning up after yourself when you are done."
3. The result will be that you will have far fewer people at your next holiday meal and you and your sister will not have to work so hard. Good luck!

Answer 7

See in our family I have a tradition.. the children under 9 are served first.. then the men (fathers and grandfathers..not single guys they have to earn that privilege)! After that the teenagers, that way the children are eating. the guys can do their thing in the family room watching football or whatever.. and the women can sit and chat after everyone else has eaten..
Much more relaxed!! Try it next time.. just announce the children under 9 are first.. the guys second.. this year.
And as far as leftovers are concerned your in charge.. put it away.. and don't offer any after the meal.

Answer 8

Your house - start new family traditions

Call people to dinner to fill plates - oldest of family first. Say a prayer before anyone eats - can be totally nonreligious. Before dessert, wash the dinner plates or load the dish washer. Have a bunch of disposable left over dishes LABELED with names. YOU put the food into the dishes as the dishes are washed. Then dessert.

Works like a charm.

Answer 9

You do know that if you don't wanna cook and have other people over for a big meal, you don't. But find it in your heart to let other people take as they please, I like what people take food home, less to clean up, and it probably would end up in the trash anyway, if we could not eat it all within a few days, and if it's something that could not be frozen. Just give it away, stop complaining or just don't do it anymore if all your going to do is complain. But as for those eye's are bigger than there stomach per-teens, I would tell them you kids are to stay away from the food, and make the parents dish out the food for there kids...

Answer 10

Simple. First, talk to them about their childrens' behavior. They need to put a stop to that situation pronto. Second, when you invite people, ask if a few people are willing to stay and help straighten up afterward. Or, after dinner, stand in the kitchen and yell "Ok, everyone bring all your dished in here if you want dessert!" And third, and most importantly, before they have a chance to fill up huge pans of leftovers (of food that YOU paid for!), simply fill a disposable plate for each of them, cover it in saran wrap, and stash in the fridge, so when it's time for them to leave, you can stop them before they grab a truckload of food and hand them the plates you've already made up for them.

Another option....Just tell them next year that their behavior is unacceptable and if it isn't stopped immediately, they're no longer invited!