anyone else fed up with do-gooders?

Question

I am sick fed up of do-gooder (most of whom don't have kids) trying to tell us parents how to do our jobs.

You can't use the same type of discipline for every child. They are all different and what will work for one child will not work for another.

Some children will only react well to behaviour charts
Some will only react well to removing priviledges

and unfortunately

some can only be dealt with by smacking.

Smacking not Beating. There is a difference.

You have to do what you can when you're a parent. There are no how to guides.

Giz - Did I say smacking children was fun? No, so get off your high horse.

All I can say is that if you say you have never smacked you child - even just a tap on the hand- you are either a liar or your child/ren spend/s so much time in childcare you're never with them.

You can never know what another parent has to put up with in their day to day life with their children. So you shouldn't pass judgement on other peoples parenting skills ESPECIALLY when you don't have kids of your own.

My son has Aspergers and so smacking means nothing to him. He would always forget being smacked or what he was smacked for within a two minute period so I don't see the point in using that type discipline for him.

I use a visual punishment system so that he has a bit of paper with what his punishment is and why? Otherwise he just forgets why he is being punished.

But I'm not going to tell another parent they are wrong when I don't know their circumstances.

No offense Kiri but what a load of you know what. You can't be parenting your kids 16hrs a day. 7hrs at school. 9hrs asleep. There are only 24 hours in a day you know.

Kiri you say your dad watches your three year old while your kids are at school and you are at work.

So............

Who spends more time with your three year old? Your Dad.
So who is parenting your three year old? Your Dad.
Nuff said.

What I mean by 'some can only be dealt with by smacking' sometimes depending on the child and their personality, attitude and stubborness I can see why some parents would resort to smacking. If nothing other than a shock tactic.

We are bringing up a generation of 'I'm alright Jack!' kids who care nothing about other people because they are subject to no discipline because their parents want it all and can't be bothered putting in the hours.

Up until my son was seven I stayed at home because I wanted to spend that special time with my son. I now work a forty hour week in order to get us a better standard of life. The hours I can spend with my son are precious and we spend time having fun. I'm not going to waste that time on what I want because there will come a time when my son won't want to spend time with me anymore. I believe it's called puberty Lol!!!!! Why should my son suffer because I want it all?

Answer 1

It's not "do-gooders"

It's un-solicited advice, - and 100% think it, - 20% say it. - "I think you're entitled to my opinion..."

I'm almost a "Mr. Mom", and have 6 kids total, - after all the stuff I've heard, - I take it with a grain of salt.

Answer 2

I have three children. There is no difference to your child between smacking and beating. They learn from you. If you spank them, they will turn around and smack someone else and not understand why they are in trouble.
I agree that I don't like people telling me how to raise my kids, but the one thing I tell anyone is to never lay a hand on your child in anger or punishment. The world is violent enough without the parents adding to it. Try the naughty chair, time out, or take away privelages.
BTW: I have never smacked one of my kids a day in their lives, and I'm with them 16 hrs or more a day. The only time I am not with them is when they're at school and I'm at work. I make sure to get off early enough that I can pick them up from school. My father watches my three-year-old during that time and OCCASIONALLY babysits them, but not very often.

Answer 3

Your first answer indicated the problem! Feeding the homeless. perchance this individual ignored the reportes that were continuously coming in for countless years now that the homeless peoples best mission has been the harrasmnet by the do gooders. Many have surely suffered ill well-being from lack of sleep led to by consistently being woken by those so observed as samaritans. regrettably lots of the individuals who attempt to do solid are doing it for his or her personal motives with little or no comprehend-how of what the conflict through both desires or needs! I used to grant plenty to charities. i'm now very, very selective on condition that maximum charities hotel to three type of moral blackmail to target to extort - thats top EXTORT, funds from us. Many charities surely receive significant funds from authorities. Many provide purely a very small percentage of what they assemble, protecting something as 'operating prices.' basically who're the needy there? because someone has fallen on puzzling circumstances they rapidly change into aims for the God Squad. i changed into lately in South Africa the position if someone is prepared to flow to a church they get fed and helped and those that do no longer dont get it - easy as that. there are a determination of techniques we may be able to help the undesirable and needy. lots of the individuals who're truly helping are doing easy selfless issues that no individual else is acquainted with about. grant a beggar a sandwich instead of money- what do you get - thats top - a mouth finished of abuse. perchance we could consistently outlaw the do gooders and promises the conventional individual contained in the line a probability once back. i'm confident the needy could be on the instantaneous better off and society mainly could be imensley better off.

Answer 4

I agree 100% that all children are different and each has their own distinct personality. Therefore it is common sense that tells us each must be disaplined in a manner that suits the need, as far as do gooders, you have to take all with a grain of salt and ignore as much as possible. I based my childrens upbringing on "For every action, there is a reaction." See, unsolicited advice! LOL! We mean no harm. Continue raising your children as you see fit and let the rest handle their own.

Answer 5

Yes you are so right. My 2 children are like chalk and cheese. One is very eggar to please and the youngest is just so cheeky and quirky. I just have to look at my eldest when she has done something wrong but the youngest usually ends up with a smack, because she is more throne! I seldom take advice from anyone because until they live with my children and know them in side out like we do - they dont have a clue!

Answer 6

I agree 100%. I have one daughter and people without kids are always trying to tell me what to do. But what really gets on my nerves is when an older person trys to tell me how to care for my baby when their baby is now 40 years old. Things change. What worked then may not work now.

Answer 7

I was smacked/beaten as a child and it did me no harm.

However, I don't think you can say 'some can only be dealt with by smacking' because that's not true. It's all down to the skill of the parent.

But I agree, it's your place to decide and not anyone else's and it's your child not theirs. If you want to smack them, that's your business.

As I say, I was smacked and I don't feel any the worse for it.

Answer 8

We are all entitled to our beliefs when it comes to raising our children. As long as we aren't doing anything that would warrant a visit from CPS, it's really nobody's business how we raise our children. I agree with you wholeheartedly.
I'm also quite tired of know - it - alls who frequent the parenting sections and criticize other parents, when THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS! If you don't have kids, you have no business giving parenting advice!

Answer 9

there are lots of how to guides, i was totally agreeing with you , i have 5 children and all respond to different discipline but then you said smacking, you lost me there, there are plenty of tools and resources out there to find new and different ways to discipline, i can not count the number of classes books videos and seminars i have attended to learn new and better parental skills and none of them include physical violence

Answer 10

They are a spin-off from the European bureaucrats, social workers and probation officers. They live in a dream world of converting everyone to their own ideas although the constitute less than 1% of our population. Its time for us 99% to stand up and be counted.
A promised referendum on the European Constitution would be a good start.

Answer 11

i agree with you. having someone who dosnt have and children argue with those of us that do about what is right and wrong, what makes us a good parent or bad parent, drives me nuts. Untill someone is in our shoes, they need to keep their mouths shut. It would be like me telling a machanic how to to there job.
we dont "smack". well i dont, i spank, and i dont do it cause im annoyed by my kids, i do it cause they have been warned with a NO more then once, so a spank is next. i was spanked as a child, no harm done.