What do I do? I have a VERY insecure boyfriend, who is about to be my husband in 3 weeks!!!!?

Question

I really dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to level with him on this and it still isnt working. He's very insecure and in his insecurity he resorts to accusing me of things and he approaches me about things that I really dont understand. Like for instance today he asked me if I still love him, I told him yet and wholeheartedly so, On asking me why he's asking me the question, he tells me it's coz I sat on a different couch to his last night...I mean REALLY now!! It's affecting me big-time coz I dont even know how to be myself around him anymore, coz I dread I'll do something which I wont read much into and he'll be thinking that it's a sign that I dont love him. He gained weight and he's always telling me that he's not cute and stuff. Hell, if I wasnt in the least bit attracted to him, I wouldnt be with him. I'm marrying this guy and I love him, but I'm afraid he's letting his insecurity manifest itself anf it might get really ugly in the long run. Sum1 plz say sumthing!!?

Answer 1

I am facing big insecurities with myself actually. I would say that I am in your boyfriends position, being the one that is constanly accusing my boyfriend about stuff that is just way beyond proportion. I look into to things way more than they need to be and think of things that are just insanly irrelevant. I do relize that the things I think of are totally crazy and its just not me. What I realized is that all I want is for my boyfriend to just sit me down, and tell me exaclty how he feels. I want him to reasure me that I am the only one that matters to him, no one else. I just want him to explain to me that I am trully beautiful no matter how I am and that he likes me just the way I am. After all, that was what attracted him to me. My point in this is, maybe that is what he needs you to do. I know it may sound alittle crazy because you may ask yourself "why do I need to do this? shouldn't he already know this in the first place?" Well, I am telling you from my experience. When my boyfriend did do that, it made all the difference in the world and helped me to overcome my insecurity. You might need to repeat it several times, but trsut me, from my experience, it really does make a difference. Just show him that you care and that you are there for him. Show him that he means alot to you. I just think that maybe, thats all he needs from you.

Don't be discouraged. Since you are soon to marry him, thats an indication that you two have been together for quite some time and have gone through alot together. And just to put this out there as a suggestion/thought, have you considered about going to counseling for either your fiance or even together? Maybe that can help clear some things out.

I really hope this helps! :-)

Answer 2

Is this a new behavior or has it been going on all along and you've just started letting it bother you?

If it's a new behavior it could be he's just really nervous about the wedding. Or maybe he's stressed and looking for reasons to postpone it. Or, he's not happy with himself, and has decided you can't be either.

If it's been there all along, and you've ignored it, smack yourself upside the head...because I can't reach you from here. You should have gotten some couples counseling LONG before setting a wedding date.

You need to talk with him, and you need to set up a counseling appointment. Preferably first thing Monday morning on the appointment...find SOMEONE you can both talk to. As far as talking to him, do it today. Waiting on this one is not going to make it better.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Hi! I guess the is always a reason for some to happen. Like you said, he has gained weight, he is about to marry you. Well congradulations for thaaaaat!!!

Sister Men are not as brave as the seem to be. We can be scared by small things. Take this for instance, when we are feeling ill we are relactant to go and see a doctor and we will alwys say, "I 'm a man and this is nothing" but when it get worse we will groan, want our partner to be by our side and even cause them stress unnecessarly for something that we could have avoided B4 it started by listening to our partner's advices.

Going back to your question, it can mean that you have long worned him about him gaining wait and may be advice him to practice healthy eating or something like that and he didnt listen and now that he has added some kilos he feel guity and he is scared he will loose you for that and he is not doing anything about his wait but instead he proposed to you just to make you love him more. Then what you need to do is try to insure him that you love him no matter what had happened to his body and you will have loved him even if he didnt proposed to you. Tell him and put that to practice. Do whatever you did when you first meet if it is worth it.

secondly it could mean that may be you started doing things that you used to do together differently like for instence sitting on the same couche, sharing a plate, kissing b4 a meal, having a hot bath 2gether, call each other b4 going to bed if one has to spend the night somewhere etc. All this things add value to a relationship and if they saddenly changes one of the parties will start to doubt if really they is love. Love is a very difficult thing to enterpret coz we enterpret it in different ways.
Show him that you love him as you say you do for sure you groom to be has a problem and need you help. Insecurity means that he value you so much and rate you highly above him to be in love with you and you need to take him to your level. Take him out to your best friends and I mean real friends who he knows that they are really exceptional and make him welcome by showing confident in him.

Thirdly, try to communicte things with him. Men are usually relactant to show their weeknesses to their partners and that could be the case with your man. He is seriously lacking self confidence and you are the only one who can restore it. Try to look to yourself to see if you cannot see any thing wrong wwith you towards your relationship and if not try help him.

Correct everything before getting married though coz if this is a problem now it doesnt mean it will end when you are married coz it can even get worse once you have tied the not that can result in abuse coz it can tell him that he had a right over you by then.
Good luck. God help you.

Answer 4

First cancel the wedding, then take at least 6 months to get to know this guy better, and find out if this is who you want to make a commitment to. To help you get a better perspective, go for couples counseling, if he won't go, go by yourself. From what you describe of your relationship, it sounds one sided and that isn't enough to carry him. Good luck!

Answer 5

try to asked him back if he still love you,
before the time your getting married try to think first,
of what your life gonna be if you married him, if you really love him then accept what he is,,
you still have three weeks to think whether or going to a married life or not.

Answer 6

If he's that insecure like that then it's not time to get married yet.

Answer 7

ahmm, maybe because you're lacking of intimacy... but the problem is with your boyfriend... if he really loves you, then he must have enough trust in you... maybe opening this subject to him would help a lot for you both understand each other...

Answer 8

How old are you?
If you're under 22 dont marry him
If you already >22 explain to him dont do anything that you hate
Ok
GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 9

why are you marrying someone who isn't secure with themselves. this would be a sign, not to mention major turn off.

Answer 10

Tell him the truth, what you said here, tell it to him straight. That should set him right.