My girlfriend's parents are wishing to Marry her off in an arranged marriage. I need help.?

Question

Ive been with her for 8 months and seven days now. We are quite serious about each other (im serious about her I assure you, and she claims she is about me). We always knew that her parents would do this eventually, but we didnt expect it to happen so soon. We are only 17. She claimed that she would go against her parents when the time came, but at the present she can't, as she wishes to go to university but is not financially stable! She claims if she denies their wishes she will be disowned.

What can I do. I dont want to lose her. I know she doesn't support arranged marriage, and she does not really want to accept this, but at the present she is almost acting like she doesnt care anymore. I cant let this happen, for both of our sakes!

If anyone has any queries about my question just ask. Please, i beg you, i need help.

P.s. if it would help, my girlfriend is southern Indian, a Hindu Brahman Iyengar, her parents are quite religious, and her whole family are strict vegetarians

Well firstly sorry for forgetting to specify, but im from Australia, Sydney to be exact.

Secondly I didnt really make it clear but her parents do not even know i exist thus far. We have kept the relationship hidden from them (though my parents have met her many a time).

They have not directly threatened her to not pay for her expenses or anything like that... it is just that she is absolutely certain they will disown her (she has discussed "what if" scenarios with them and they have made that clear).

Also she claims to have some sort of a "duty" toward them to make them happy. On top of this her mother will probably threaten her with suicide if she does not obey.

Seriously... the situation is very hard for me, and I can understand it would be even harder upon her.

Please keep the answers coming, and if there is anything else anyone wishes to ask feel free.

Answer 1

You're young. You're in love. And her parents don't know you exist? Then it's not love. Plain and simple. If she was as committed to you as you say you are to her, she would have told her parents you exist, professed her love for you to them, and dealt with the aftermath. This is not the case. It sounds like you come from two different worlds. If you did manage to stay together, would you adopt her beliefs or expect her to adopt yours? Weigh your options, and I think you'll realize that this union is headed for a bittersweet ending. If she is willing to marry another man for the sake of a college education (Which, if you do the math, she probably won't finish school in an arranged marriage, anyhow. Her parents are basically selling her off as a comodity, not a person.), then her priorities are not in the right place to begin with, and she obviously doesn't see the game her parents are playing with her life. My advice.. walk away now, go on lots of dates, and one day you will find someone who shares your ideals, your beliefs and your dreams. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

I understand your feelings on this situation, I think that it is wrong for her parents to make her decisions for her. I dont really know where you guys are from or anything but if your in the usa, there is ways around the whole thing. From my understanding on the problem is she cant afford to go to college. There are College grants out there. All she has to doisapply for them and as long as she meets their standards and turnsin everything they need to process her application than she will find out if she can get a grant to pay her tuition for her. If it is a grant she doesnt pay that back to the government. There are also some colleges that provide studane tloans threw the college too. My husband got one threw the college here in town and they couldnt reject him cause it was threw the college.
She should look into all that and see what happens before she lets her parents have their way. As for the arranged marriage thing that is wrong and she should be able to chose for herselfon who she wants to marry it isnt her parents decision. It isnt right making a woman or a man marry somebody they dont know or even love. Cause than they wont be happy and they will regret it later. I also think you should talk to her and tell her how you are feeling about the whole thing. Tell her exactly how you feel and dont be shy and dont hide anything from her on your feelings for her!!!

Answer 3

So your girlfriend's parents are blackmailing her by telling her she has to go along with the arranged marriage or they will not pay for her tuition?

Well, if she chooses to leave you and to go along with the arranged marriage in order to go to college and get a degree, I would say tell her to fuc_ off while you kick her bitc_ as_ out the door. How can you even think she loves you if she is willing to blow you off so she can go to college? You're saying that she would rather marry some guy she doesn't even want to marry instead of you in order for her to go to her university?

You have 3 solutions here :

1) You pay for her tuition so she doesn't have to go along with the arranged marriage.

2) You tell her to not give into her parents' blackmail and to not go to the university, and she agrees.

3) Find a new girlfriend. You're 17, you're going to meet many, many, many new girls in your lifetime. Why do you want to be tied down to one of the first when you know that they are better looking girls with better situations out there?

And don't forget you were the one who wrote "im serious about her I assure you, and she claims she is about me".

You wrote : "They have not directly threatened her to not pay for her expenses or anything like that... it is just that she is absolutely certain they will disown her (she has discussed "what if" scenarios with them and they have made that clear)."

So if they disown her I'm assuming that would also include cutting off all financial support which would include her university tuition, right?

Answer 4

The only way in this could be .... making both the parents talk face to face ..... horoscope is just and excuse ... if u ppl have happily spent 3 yrs or so i dnt think adjusting would b a matter for you guys after marriage . . Moreover both of u might settle away from parents.... life wont b easy but u ll b happy facing it together .... tell your girl frnd she anyways have to leave her parents ... y not be happy to leave them fr u atleast she s happy in once case ....also try to find out whats the reason, else thn astrology , for her parents to say no.... may be she can tok to them about this if they r nt tokin to u ..... if there reason s valid try to explain ur valid reason why there daughter should marry u only.... ur grl needs to take stand for you atleast once - even her parents shuld knw she really wants u.... rest . Something has happened to all the parents these days-m some what facing the same issue moreover childish behavr of parents ruin it more-rest all the best to u guys

Answer 5

Where do you live? I can only answer with advice as it would be in the USA.
First, the decision must be hers. If she chooses to go along with her parents, then she is lost to you and you must move on.
If she really does not want to accept their arrangement, then she can refuse. If she wants an education, there are student loans she can take to pay for it. She can also get a job to pay for her living expenses as they will most likely turn their backs on her if she goes against their wishes.
You can help her as much as possible, but do not jump into a teen marriage please.

Answer 6

Talk to her parents about it, and have her tell her parents what she wants to do. Make them aware that it's HER life.

Answer 7

Talk to her parents and make them understand your love for her and disguss to them what is best for her.