CPS took my husband away from his mom when he was 11 years old because her boyfriend was abusing him and they were both doing drugs. He was put into a group home and then foster care. His mom basically told them she didn't ever want to see him again. He heard her say this imagine that. This happened in California and now we are about 1500 miles from California and married and we have four kids. He wants to find his mom just to tell her that he has a good life now and ask her some questions. How would we locate her? He said cps wouldn't give him her information or they didnt know where she is now.
2007-11-22 16:34:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Lets address what you know...
do you have a name? if he can remember her name ( he could have blocked it out of his memory or something ) then you're alot closer to finding it out.
if not, then if he wasn't adopted his records are still open. You said that he was in foster care, but didnt mention if there was a legal adoption. If his records are still opened, then he can request his original birth certificate that would have his mothers name.
The marriage index in california is available and if i were you i would start there. If he can get her maiden name from his birth record ( which california does, and they also keep records before the 70's and 80's whoever told the replier above that is wrong, her father was lied to which isn't uncommon. his records are sealed, not lost. ) anyways, from the marriage index, get her maiden name, do a maiden name search for the marriage index and you can find her new last name if there is one and if she was married in california.
then maybe you can find her from some name and address finders, or google, a search angel. I'm in california so if you need more help, pm me.
did he have siblings? you may also want to check the birth index for siblings online.
also, if he wants to find her, it is his right to do so. The poster above me who said to leave well enough alone, i dont' think thats good advice. I understand his urge, and although we can't be guaranteed a reunion and embracing from our family we do have a right to attempt it. And also have a right to know who we came from even if it only gets as far as a name.
can anyone say ramble? yeah! happy thanksgiving.
2007-11-22 18:47:06 · answer #1 · answered by Gershom 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
You have to be prepared for whatever the situation brings. If you do want to find your father try looking at local public recoreds like traffic tickets ect. Some counties provide these online for free. Try calling 411 and doing a search. Search his relatives names if you have any of them. Did your mother make him pay support? Probably not because your step dad adopted you. See if you can find the paperwork for that. Your dad probably had to sign over his rights to you for you to be adopted. Try to find out anything you can about your dad from family. You could post an ad in the local paper or craigslist. You could try a web site such as Intellius. If all else fails hire a PI. Good luck and I hope everything turns out okay. I'm sorry ur Mum's that way but you did the right thing leaving your hubby if he wasn't good to you.
2016-05-25 01:58:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to agree with Gershom. What the poster above her said was very mean-spirted. This is your husbands choice and his choice only. If he thinks that by finding her will be good for him, only he can decide that. Besides what Heather H says too is also good....finding out medical information can be very important not only for him but for your children as well. I know i was happy that i finally got some medical information and i was also happy in finding my birth mother. I had a lot of questions for her regarding why she did what she did. So, sometimes we look to heal our soul. Please do not get offended by the other posters that say don't go searching because his mother didn't want him. They are just being mean. Don't give up! I wish you all the best!
2007-11-23 00:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by a healing adoptee 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Gershom. He should follow his own heart and do what he feels he wants to do, nobody should be telling him to leave well enough alone - he's a grown man and can make his own decisions and whatever he discovers, good or bad, at least he will have the whole truth, which is all any of us are searching for
Updated family medical history is also important for your children to have, if possible
Best of luck in located your husband's family, he is a very lucky man to have a wife as supportive as you
Do register at ISRR.net - you will have to print off the form and mail it in
ps. if you have a name and approx age I would be happy to run it through some databases for you and/or put you in touch with search support in CA
2007-11-22 21:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by H****** 7 · 8⤊ 1⤋
No one can judge his Mother today. She may be living and in real pain for the sins of her past. I suggest using all the help offered by the others who posted before me. Also zabasearch.com is free. You might begin with California and even go through all states.
If he has it in his heart to locate her--help him.
2007-11-23 02:50:23 · answer #5 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Try looking up local directories for California and websites like whitepages.com and anywho.com.
Good luck.
2007-11-22 16:38:51 · answer #6 · answered by Madison 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does he know her maiden name? Depending on how long ago this happened and she was using drugs, chances are she might not even be alive. Has he checked the death records in California? I believe that they are public record.
2007-11-22 16:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
2007-11-22 16:57:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this will help, but most all adoption records pre 1970 or 1980 were not kept.
2007-11-22 16:46:18 · answer #9 · answered by nollideelrebmik 1 · 2⤊ 5⤋
Leave well alone. If she had wanted to find him, after saying she didn't "ever want to see him again" she would have done so.
Why on earth would be even want to contact her. Doesn't he realize yet, that giving birth does not a mother make. He has a family of is own, with four children. Let's say she had died, he would have to acknowledge that he now, had his own, family and that the past is the past.
Live your lives with determination to be good parents and not to live in the past.
2007-11-22 17:21:00 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 1⤊ 10⤋