Feeling clingy and anxious (love = terror!)?

Question

I'm feeling really happy in a new relationship but I'm also terrified. Love is scary.

Recently I've been having these nightmares where something in my life goes out of control...I think this indicates a problem with letting go and just letting things happen. I feel that in order to make things work I have to be perfect and nice all of the time. In fact, my guy said that I'm "almost too nice" to people. I am always so afraid to say or do the wrong thing and that he'll stop liking me.

Another thing is that saying goodbye is really hard for me. I just have such a great time with him that parting is difficult.

I received very little love as a child. Therefore, I tend to cling just a little too much. I don't call all of the time, and I don't ask him where he is every second...but I just can't relax and accept that he LIKES me as much as I like him.

How do I balance being loving towards him without being needy and demanding? How does a cool girlfriend act?

Answer 1

Difficult for you to accept to be loved, right ? that's normal after being affectively neglected as a girl... but you're not a girl anymore, are you ? your dreams about having no control on things: love is very scary for you because you cannot control your loving feelings ( nobody can), you are being given what you pinned for, for so long: love, feeling love, and being reciprocated is sorta of strange to you. You surely loved your parents, or caretakers but they abandoned you, went away in any way, and you got badly hurt emotionally. Feeling love is dangerous for you: too much closeness. Surely when you were a child you believed that ,that if you were a "good girl" you'd be loved, you'd be able to retain that love...you'd do anything to be liked: the struggle within you must have been formidable...
Relax, be yourself when you're around him, with him, be what you are, you lose nothing showing him and the whole world the unique person you are, everybody knows you are not perfect, but you have special qualities that make you deserve love, be given love, young lady. Stop faking what you are not, perfection, extreme politeness, pleasing everybody, that's not you, that's a terrible burden. From time to time practice a little bit, just as exercise, which can be very healing in your case, the art of being a bit-h . About your clinginess... it's Ok to like him, it's great to love him if he's a great guy, but have low expectations, if he's meant for you, it'll happen. If he goes away that will be not the end of the world, that only proves he was not the right guy for you, not that you are not lovable. Live your love in the NOW, without expecting too much from him, LIVE your life while you love him, enjoy your blessings, and let him leave his own life too.If you are so precoccupied about future, about the end of the relationship, you'll be not able to enjoy it, whatever happens. Love is not a lifesaver ( don't cling, jump on it, lol) love's joy.
Happy Thanksgiving, and good luck !

Answer 2

hun, we all have insecurities. It's okay to not be over, and having a hard time to say goodbye. I can never walk away from the guy that i love. It's okay!

My best advice is to just trust yourself. You need to make your best judgement to make this work. YOu can't ask friends because they won't understand what you're going through.

Answer 3

a co0l gf depends on how co0l your bf is to0.. love him as if he was just a 9 yr old boy.. he was still confused on what he wants.. the best part of it, be his bestfriend.. so he can tell you anything... ;p and you'd be able to undrestand each other well.. gudluck 4 both of you..

Answer 4

Just chill out and tell him you love him only after he does that way you wont seem so insane

Answer 5

Chill out and have fun