Help me!! please only serious answers only?

Question

I am having trouble with my family. I have been married for 3 years now. My husband and I have a daughter that will be 2 in December.

What I don't get is why are my parent's telling my husband and I how to raise our child? My mother is the worst, constantly telling me what I can and can't do to my daughter. Her recent rant was that I can't expect her to have a certain bedtime (which is usually between 8 and 9 pm) and she is just upsetting me all the time about things. I have tried to tell her to back off, but still nothing is helping me. I am considering to move to Iowa from Arkansas for this and other reasons. My mother also has her once a week and it is causing marriage problems because my husband can only spend time with my daughter on weekends. How can I get her to see this?

My dad is also a big player in this, because he keeps reminding me about when our next child comes out (which is in May) that it needs to be at least 18. Why are they doing this to me?

We aren't moving to Iowa to escape my problems, my husband has a potential job up there. They are telling me that I am stupid if I move up there... I am so lost and confused, and he would be making almost 20.00/hr and work 4 on 3 off. I am just lost

Also do you think that 8 or 9pm is a good bedtime for my daughter??? Or am I just over doing it?

Answer 1

Okay. The answer is easy. Your parents, no matter how crazy they are making you at this point, have lived through the raising of children. Does it make them the knower and seers of it all? No!! Does it give them the right to "tell" you what you should do and not do? NO!!

Being a parent, as you will find out later on, gives you insight to all sorts of things. You will find later in life that you may "offer" your grown children suggestions and try to plead with them that you've been there and know what you are talking about.

Sometimes your parents will be right in their answers. Sometimes they are just stubborn and think they know it all. I am now a grandmother and sure, I'll admit there are times I'd like to tell my daughter how to raise her child. but then I remember how it used to piss me off when my parents butted in with their thoughts.

Keep in mind your parents are, in their own way, trying to help you. But you should gently remind them in this way...
Thank you mom and dad for your words of wisdom. They are appreciated. We will certainly give your input some thought. However, we are the parents and we will make the decisions. We ask that you accept our decision and stand by the decision even if you aren't in agreement. You brought me up to be the person I am today. I hope you are proud of me. Now, it's my turn to raise my children.

That usually does it. Parents will always be parents. And you will find yourself doing the same thing when you get older. Take it with a grain of salt and explain that you appreciate they care but you're the parents. They are entitled to their opinions, some of which you appreciate. Some not so much. But this is now YOUR life and you will live it the way you see fit.

Answer 2

you have to separate the two questions. First, if the new job is better than he has now and seems to be a secure job, go for that. As far as your parents interfering, they need to get a life of their own so that they don't continue to raise your children. There are some good sites online that will give you child care tips - the second deals with bed times. and there is a child rearing course at a low cost at the first site which is recognized by many courts so is quite good. If nothing else, these sites will give you ammunition in arguments as to child rearing with your parents. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 3

Well tell her to stop telling you to tell you how you control your child also tell her this My house My RULES!Im not being mean though.Just say something like that also your a full grown young woman now and she thinks your doing something wrong maybe because shes thinking 8-9oclock isnt good enough for the babys sleep i agree thats a fine time for a baby just try to prove even more that you can control her if you dont shell keep bugging you!

Answer 4

they just don't want u to make mistakes. u have to tak to them and tell the that this is bothering you. u can't just move to a different state to run away from ur problems. it won't help b/c they'll still do it anyways, and thats not a good way to resolve things.

seriously, sit down w/ each of them together and be straight up

Answer 5

YOU are allowing your mother to behave this way. YOU are your child's mother. Tell your mother that you appreciate your concern/advice/etc., but you and your husband do things this way... It's none of her business. And you need to stop letting her tell you what to do with your child.

You are an adult now, and you need to act like one. Stop living to please her, but please your family instead. I think you should move so that you can grow up a little without your mom telling you how.

Answer 6

that happen to me... My boyfriend's mom was driving me nuts with how I should keep my house, raising my kid, and coming to my house unexpectedly... this didn't stop until one day I got really pissed off and told her off =/ not the most respectful thing to do and we got into a big argument but now we're okay cause she eventually understood my frustration.

Sometimes parents swear they're trying to help you but they don't realize that they're harming you wayyy more then helping.

Answer 7

thats a sad on what is happening to you, but as far as i can say is that your parents are doing or thinking what is best to you, but if you feel uncomfortable on what they are saying than i think you better sit one day and calla family meeting and tell your parents on how you feel. and this is how they will understand.
and if they dont than i guess you have to think of any other method .

Answer 8

Its iight. It is very normal. All it is, they care a lot. Even though they might seem to over do it, its k. They only mean the best for you and your family.

Answer 9

Well:)talk to your mom serious because your a married woman (NOW)

Answer 10

Question: "What does it mean to leave and cleave?"

Answer: Have you ever given much thought to the marriage vows that are said at weddings, perhaps even yours? To most, they are quickly forgotten. Sadly, marriage has become a "cloudy" institution, but it has not always been that way. Let's look at what the Bible says about it.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" (Genesis 1:1). For an exciting account of the true creation story, read Genesis 1, 2. "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our likeness'...("Us" and "Our" refers to the Holy Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.) "So God created man in His own likeness. He created him in the likeness of God. He created them as male and female" (verse 26, 27). "Then the Lord God formed a man. He made him out of the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into him, And the man became a living person..."Then the Lord God made a woman. He made her from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to him. The man said, 'Her bones have come from my bones. Her body has come from my body. She will be named "woman" because she was taken out of a man.' "That's why a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. The two of them will become one" (Genesis 2:7, 22,-25). One version of the Bible says, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (verse 24). "So a man must not separate what God has joined together" (Matthew 19:6; See also verses 8, 9).

Think about that... God made the man (Adam), and then the woman (Eve). God Himself brought her to him. God Himself ordained that they would be joined together in holy matrimony from the very beginning of the world. He said that the two of them would become one flesh. This is a picture of marital intimacy... the act of love that is never to be between anyone else but the two of them. "...it is good for a man not to touch a woman, but because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2,3).

To "cleave" means we don't cop out when things aren't going right. It includes talking things out, praying things through, being patient as you trust God to work in both of your hearts, being willing to admit when you're wrong and asking forgiveness, hanging in there with your spouse when everything seems to be going wrong, and seeking God's counsel regularly in His Word.

"I give a command to those who are married. It is a direct command from the Lord, not from me. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does, she must not get married again, or she can go back to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. I also have something to say to everyone else. It is from me, not a direct command from the Lord. Suppose a brother has a wife who is not a believer. If he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. The unbelieving husband has been made holy through his wife. The unbelieving wife has been made holy through her believing husband. If that were not the case, your children would not be pure and clean. But as it is, they are holy" (1 Corinthians 7:10-14). God intended for the man and woman to leave and cleave "till death do us part". "I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel. I hate it when people do anything that harms others, says the Lord who rules over all. So guard yourself in your spirit, and don't break your promises" (Malachi 2:16).

The "leave and cleave" in the marriage bond is also a picture of the union God wants us to have with Him. "You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cleave to Him" (Deuteronomy 13:4). It means to leave all other gods, whatever form that may take, and cleave to Him alone as your God. We cleave to Him as we read His Word and submit to His authority over us, and through believing prayer. Then, as you follow Him closely, you will find that His instruction to leave father and mother in order to cleave to your wife/husband is to discover commitment and security, just as He intended. It leaves behind the option of divorce, which is never a solution, but rather an exchange for more complex problems. God takes our wedding vows seriously, even if we don't. So, leave and cleave... you won't be disappointed!

Recommended Resource: Fit to Be Tied: Making Marriage Last a Lifetime by Bill Hybels.