My father died very suddenly just a few weeks ago.. he was young (in his 40s), with no health problems and basically, just fell and died for no reason within minutes. I was extremely close to him and spent the first couple of days very upset. However, I have not cried in over a week, and I feel like I should be in bits.. but I am already back at work etc and feel like this is not how I should be behaving! I feel so guilty, because I really did love my dad (I still do) and am well aware he is not coming back, but I just feel that I should be more upset. Has anyone else had any similar experiences?
2007-11-22 10:24:52 · 15 answers · asked by J-L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm heartfelt sorry for your loss, but there is no specified way you should act grief affects people in different ways, your dealing with this terrible loss in the only way you know how at the moment don't feel guilty and don't allow the way others are dealing with their grief make you feel guilty.
take care x
when my grampy died who i was extremely close to i disappeared for a fortnight and sat on a beach for most of it leaving everyone else to deal with the way they were feeling, family thought i was wrong to deal with it like that but thats what got me thru, you need to do what feels right for you
2007-11-22 13:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also lost my father very suddenly in February of this year and have experienced exactly what you describe. Grief is very personal and we all deal with it in different ways. Sometimes without realising you become strong for the people around you who are also suffering. It doesn't mean that you don't care or miss the person and in time you will probably cry a lot - it might take a year before it hits you properly. As it only happened a few weeks ago you're probably still quite numb and at the "i can't believe i'm never going to see him again" stage. I suspect the tears you initially shed were of shock and helplessness. Grief has many cycles and you may find yourself feeling angry at yourself and towards others for no real reason and that things irritate you where they never have before. After that you might feel quite low, even depressed and unable to snap out of it. I sometimes feel like that even when i have lots to look forward to. The thing to remember is that your dad loved you and would want you to be happy - it's not your fault he's gone and he wouldn't want you carrying any guilt. I know it might sound silly but when i'm on my own i sit down and talk to my dad - obviously he doesn't talk back to me but i try and imagine what he would say to me, especially if i have a problem. I try and do what i think my dad would be proud of. Recently, i gave up smoking as i know this is something he would've wanted. I hope this helps in some way and remember - grief is personal and there are no rules on how you should react. You will get through it and if it becomes too much then you can always speak to a trained counsellor who will be able to help you. Be strong and accept my condolences to you and your family.
2007-11-22 19:40:02 · answer #2 · answered by eclair 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably still in shock. I do know that there will be times when are talking to someone about your dad or maybe just thinking of him and you will tear up. My father died 10 years ago and I still have those days. However when he died I did not cry at all. It is a loss that you will never get over and unless it has happened to others they will not understand your feelings. You just got to believe that he is in a better place now and live your life so that he will be proud of you. Good Luck and may God bless.
2007-11-22 10:35:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jake S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for you loss that is very tragic for someone so young. Life goes on and what you feel is what you feel just that and there is nothing to be guilty about. Crying is not going bring him back if it makes you feel better to cry then do but if it does not there is no point. Staying away from work wont bring your dad back either. Remember the good times you had with him and he will live on in your memory and of course in you as you are part of him
2007-11-22 10:32:35 · answer #4 · answered by Maid Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tc's father died 14th December 1993 and my father died 7 months later in the beginning of July. Tc handled his father's death in a similar way to how you are until my dad passed away....he was in bits as it brought all the grieving out to do with his dad too. We all grieve in our own way. There isn't a right or wrong way. Last week I broke down again and it was like my dad had only just passed away. You will never "get over it" but you will become accustomed to "living with it".
Christmas, birthdays, Father's Day will bring you pain but you knew your dad better than any of us so you knew the type of man he was. If you catch yourself referring to him in the present tense don't feel you have to change it. God Bless you & your family. Our prayers are with you.
2007-11-22 11:54:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to worry you, but you may find it hits you unexpectedly, possibly months, even a year down the line. But, even if it doesn't, whatever happens, don't feel guilty - everyone is entitled to grieve in their own way. You don't need to cry to express your love for someone and that you miss them. When my dad's wife died, he went straight to the pub and played a game of snooker, then came home and cooked a meal for them both. He was in complete denial, of course, but it didn't hit him until 6 months later on her birthday. Take care, chick, and see a bereavemeent counsellor if you start feeling like you can't handle it.
2007-11-22 10:37:54 · answer #6 · answered by Cupcake 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand, and I am sorry for your loss. I send you and your family my condolences. But it's an individual thing. There is no right way or wrong way to feel or grieve. Each person grieve differently, it may come out later. If not, just remember that your dad would want you to go on, like your doing.
2007-11-22 10:32:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry for your loss :( a friend of my fmaily died yesterday and all i felt like doing was crying but today i've just got on with my normal routine and felt a bit guilty that i should be reflecting more and be crying but you dont need to be crying to prove how much you miss and love them. there will be times when probably thats what we will wanna do and other times we will just carry on. life goes on, you are very strong person and i'm sure your dad is very proud that you are carrying on living your life as normally as possible!
*big hug* xxx
2007-11-23 04:45:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly sorry about your loss. your in shock. deal with it how u can, dont force your feelings, you will cry when your ready. in fact its probably better u carry on with our job and keep yourself busy to help you stop thinking about it too much but if you start feeling its all too much you should take some time off. and dont feel guilty, im sure your dad wouldnt want you to be feeling sad. its a hard situation deal with it the way it feels right for you.
2007-11-22 10:38:11 · answer #9 · answered by Janeywaney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i find that remembering that family member does more good than crying over that person's death. why cry when you can remember all the happy moments that you shared? why stop living when you can make all his sacrifices worth it?
and you should not feel guilty for not crying. everyone deals with heartache in a different way. some people lose themselves in work and dedicate all their achievements to that deceased person.
2007-11-22 10:29:09 · answer #10 · answered by Eagle Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋