Grandfather is dying of cancer and nothing they can do. is it wrong if i cant go see him??

Question

i love my Gramps but i saw his wife my Grandma die when i was young and that was worst feeling. me and him are not very close but hes my family i want to go but all i will do is cry dont know what to say to someone who knows there dying and i cant handle that i wrote him a letter for someone to give him and all i did was cry when trying that so i know ill be a mess and just cry the whole time im there i cant see him in hospital dying and me showing up just cuz hes dying if he wasnt i wouldnt just go visit him i dont know what to do im not strong enouh to go and be there.ive never had to do this as an adult losing a family member so i dont know what to expect or say to someone that dying like hey how are you feeling that dumb to say im lost dont know what to do

Answer 1

don't go

Answer 2

I do understand how you feel and I am sure a lot of other people do too. Some people may say you are being selfish but don't listen to them. My great-grandmother died when I was 18. She had always been in poor health most of her life and was crippled, using canes. But, I remember going to the grocery store with her in a taxi when I was little and I thought that was the coolest thing! She was also the best baker ever, making wonderful cakes and pies! Those are memories that no one can take away from me. About a year before she passed away she went into a nursing home. I went to see her only one time because I just could not bear it. It seemed so sad to me. I went through some guilt issues after she was gone but I felt it was better for me to remember her as she was, in her own home that somewhere I felt she didn't belong. If you do end up going to see your Grandfather, and I'm not telling you to, it needs to be your own decision. Just remember though, that others around you may need your support. You can go to be there for your parents, an aunt or uncle ... someone else who may also be grieving and not know how to express it. Your family members can help you come to terms with this. Lean on them, and God.

Answer 3

I don't judge you for that. I might feel the same way. But I guess I'm older than you are, and one thing I will say is this: Life teaches you that at moments like this you need to reach down deep and do what you would give almost anything if you didn't have to do it. If you cry, everyone will understand. If you can tough it out, put on a brave face or something close to it, it would probably give your Gramp great comfort and joy to see you.

Good luck. Sorry about your Gramp.

Answer 4

GO!
To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...Do the thing you think you cannot do."

All you have to say is, "I came to see you because you are my Gramps." That's what family is for.
Also, you don't have to say anything.
Or you can deal with it head on and say, "I didn't think I could come because it was hard for me to see Grandma die. Plus, I don't know what to say to you. And I'm afraid I'll just cry the whole time. But here I am."
Then he can respond if he is able to.
You can also ask him what you can do for him, bring him something to eat he misses, brighten his room with a picture, read to him from a favorite book or magazine or newspaper, watch a TV show with him.
When he does die, you won't ever regret seeing him, but if you don't, I believe you might one day wish you had. Wouldn't that be the most horrid regret.
No matter what, I am confident you'll be glad you were brave enough to face your fears and see him before its too late.

Answer 5

There's nothing you can say to him other than you love him, and crying is only normal. Death of a loved one is something we all have to face and no one likes it. I think since you feel this way, you should still go spend time with him because if you don't you may live to regret it. I felt the same way when I was in my 20's and now that I'm ? I regret not going to see my relative before they died. As it has been said, you should cry at a birth and rejoice at a death. Go see him and make his last days happy ones. Remember, one day you WILL be in his shoes!

Answer 6

Your problem is that you are selfish. You are thinking about this only in terms of your own emotional needs. How about how your grandfather feels? Don't you think he's scared? If there is ever a time that he needs his family, it is right now. Does he not deserve the respect of his family as he passes away? You dont need to ask him "How he's doing". All you have to do is tell him that you love him and that you are there for him. That's what he needs right now. He is afterall the father of one of your parents. Without him, you would not even exist.

It is also time for you to grow up. You say you aren't strong enough to handle the situation. I guarantee if you don't go now, you will never be strong enough to break the self-pity habit. You may feel grief and pain but consider how it would make your grandpa so happy to have the support of grandchild as he passes away. DO IT.

Answer 7

You say you can't go see him but you actually can and you should and must.

You said you love your Gramps so therefore you not only owe it to him but you owe it to yourself as well to pay him a visit. You don't have to spend all day sitting beside his side but rather just half an hour or so two or three times a week might be worth its weight in gold.

Remember once he's gone you will lose your chance and you will never see him again, at least not in this life.

Answer 8

Go and see him anyway. It won't matter if you cry, He may cry with you and that's o.k, too. He's dying and you need to say good-bye and tell him that you love him and he needs to tell you that he loves you, too. When people are dying, it's o.k. to talk about it, in fact it would be weird if you didn't...after all, you both know and he needs to feel the comfort of having you see him and spend what time you can with him while you can. You say, "Hey, Grandpa how are you hanging in there today. Is there anything I can do to help you,or anything I can bring you?" You talk about whatever the two of you want to talk about. He will be happy to see you and I would warn you that you should still go while he is able to know that you are there. It will comfort him a great deal. To not see someone, or talk to them about what is happening to them isolates them terribly and that is not what they need. They need the comfort of having loved ones around them. I'm very sorry that you are having to go through this, but after all, death is as much a part of the life cycle as as birth and we are all going to go through
it eventually. Now, go and hug your grandpa!!

Answer 9

I think you may regret not going to see him.I'm certain he knows he is dying and he may get some comfort knowing you came to see him..It may make his passing easier if he knows he was loved and you took the time to see him..You don' have to stay long, just hold his hand and give him a hug and kiss and tell him you love him.He will not expect to be entertained but he will appreciate your presence.You may never feel closer to anyone than you will in this situation.Remember that there is nothing wrong with crying.Tears show our emotions and also help us heal.I think you know what you must do,not only for you but for your grampa.Take care.

Answer 10

If you dont go to see him before he dies you will live with that regret for the rest of your life.
Go, it will be painful but go, tell him you love him, talk to him about the fun things you used to do and how you will never forget them. You dont have to be there when he dies but do go and say your goodbyes now in the way that I have suggested. Be strong when you go, you can if you use your will power. Cry afterwards dont be ashamed to cry, everyone does it and it shows courage that you are not afraid to show your feelings.
May God Bless your Grandfather and those he is leaving behind

Answer 11

you have my prayer's friend, this is difficult for anyone, including gramps, there are never correct words to say or anything encouraging too really say, but knowing your standing by his side and offering your love to him is the best you can offer, crying is a good thing, thats how you work thru grief and heal, but if you can't bring yourself to go see him, He understands too, he's human. I saw my Dad and brother die, it was hard, but you do grow stronger when you know you'll see them again one of these day's and that they go to a place where they are no longer sick anymore.
gramps is in good hands.