please read carefully and answer !!!! URGENT?

Question

me and this guy met on a cruise. we had sex twice, and acted like bf and gf. after the cruise he contacted me right away on myspace.
we didnt talk constantly..but after awhile he wasnt contacting me and i got nervous. i wrote him a message on myspace basically
saying that if he doesnt write back, he doesnt want any part of me..and he wrote back. i surprised visited him a few months after
the cruise, and he was really happy. he kissed me on the lips goodbye, we were only there for about 20 minutes. it was weird bc
i already decided i was going to college near where he lives in a year before the cruise. between the cruise and college we saw
eachother twice, once the surprise visit, and the other time we hung out and talked the entire time..NO SEX. we had a convo
about whether or not he was using me on the cruise or not. he said no he didnt and that he liked me. after that visit, he texted
me right after saying "thanks for coming..cant wait to see you again"..i told him i was glad that we got to talk and he said "i would
never use you" later on i said i was going to bed and i told him to have fun and he said "all my fun left at 12"...which is when i
left. two days later he texts me and were talking about him coming to ny to visit me and we could go to the city..and he said
"way rather see you then the city"..we didnt always talk constantly, but every now and then we did..so basically we were
keeping in touch. the third time we were supposed to hang out , he messed up plans...and i was down near where he lived and
staying at a hotel. he called me and got a cab and told me he was coming to see me..and it doesnt matter how much it costs
he just wanted to see me..but i told him he messed up plans in the first place, and it was too late so there was no point in coming.
5 days later, he mustered up the confidence to call me and apologize for when he messed up plans. he told me to tell him the
next time i was coming down, and he said "lets keep this long distance relationship going"..but we werent in an ldr. this past
august, i came to college near where he lives, a whole year since the cruise. we had kept in contact for one year..and now were 15
minutes away. weve hung out 6 times since ive been here. the first time he just stopped by with his friend and his friend said
that the guy i like wanted to see his girl..meaning me. we didnt have sex, we just talked. he texted me after the visit and said
it was nice seeing u tonight. i told him i was sorry he didnt stay longer and he said he would have loved to, but he didnt want
my suitemates to hate him for being there so late when we have classes the next day. and he said "just wanted to see you." the
second time he came to visit he came to lay with me. we layed together and talked the whole time, and then did stuff, but NO SEX.
i asked him why things happen sexually between us and he said because i like you and you like me. and i said as more than a friend?
and he was like..yeah i like you as more than a friend. and i said..so u didnt come here for sex..and he said..i didnt even bring a condom
so i didnt even have intentions..and we didnt have sex. he then left and gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the lips, and he was a little
offended because he said "why do you have to make me out to be such an asshole."..but he wasnt mad at me, just a little upset.
the next time we hung out we just layed and talked with eachother..NO SEX. i went over there, and it took me awhile to get there
and he called me 4 TIMES..to make sure i wasnt lying to him..and was really coming. he even offered to pay for my cab, and drove me home the next day
and then the 4th time we layed together and talked again..NO SEX. the 5th time we hung out..we actually did have sex..and
he asked me if i was alright..and if it felt good, and we climaxed at the same time. it was really intimate. the 6th time we hung out
he got high, drank, and popped pills. he wasnt himself..he was still sweet to me but he was avoiding me. i asked him what was going
on and he said he wasnt mad at me. and i said..well why are you avoiding me..and he said i wasnt. i said..listen do you like me
and he said..of course i do..its obvious i do. and he said..i just dont want a gf right now..and i think you ask a lot of questions.
i was like..i know i do..except when youre acting weird..i have a reason to act. so i was like well do u like me as more than a friend
and he was confused. i said well why did we have sex the other night..and he was like idk. he was so confused and so out of it.
so he leaves and i get a text from his friend pretending to be the guy i like saying..i had to leave cause i think youre friend is hott.
i called..and the friend answered and was like..we just hooked up..i want your friend. and they came back and the guy i like was
like i didnt say any of that..that wasnt me. so the guy i like was like lets talk in the kitchen..and the friend follows us? and the friend
got involved and pulled me aside and was like..listen he told me the gist..youre friends..he likes hanging out with you..but he
doesnt want a relationship..u hooked up on the cruise what did u think it was ? and i said..how dare you..you dont even know
the story..we didnt just hook up on the cruise. and he was like well idk. so they leave again and the friend calls me saying..the guy
you like is ****** up..call him when hes sober so you can talk..so i was like whatever. then later i get a text from the guy i likes
phone and his friend is texting me saying..the guy you like is passed out..but he likes your friend..can she hang right now? im awake..
and hes telling me yes the guy u like likes ur friend..send the digits over but dont tell him i was on his phone. i was thinking..if the
guy i like wants my friends number..why would he be mad that you were on his phone...wouldnt you just be doing him a favor?

ps. the guy i like was in a 5 year relationship with a girl who cheated on him and got pregnant with another guys kid.
his friends influence him a lot..and when we were hanging out this last hang out he was talking about how he knows a lot of pocketbook
brands bc he would buy them for his ex gf..and he "knows how girls are"..and i think that triggered the way he was acting weird.

and his myspace song is look after you by the fray and his title says "any reason why you would want to date me"
and we havent spoken in 4 weeks..and now his song is i dont wanna be in love. and now his title says " this way is a waterslide away from you"
and now i think hes back with his ex girlfriend. but the other night i saw him and he had the biggest smile on his face. i saw him with
my friends..and we were sitting at a table..and it took him awhile to come over, but he came over and sat and talked to us. his hands
were shaking..and he was so sweet and friendly. but then his friend, the stupid one..came and he had nothing to say. he had this guilty face
on and he only waved to me. then the guy i like left with his stupid friend..and they were meeting up with another friend..and he said he
was gonna come back like 10 times, but he never did. i didnt expect him to cause i felt he was either scared, or easily influenced by
his friends, and they were prob like why would you go back. and now his default pic on myspace is of me and his brothers and he did
artwork on it as a joke. AND NOW I FOUND OUT..THE GUY I LIKE'S FRIEND..LIKES ME.


1. does he like me and have feelings for me?
2. is he using me?
3. was i just a hookup?
4. what does his myspace title and songs mean?
5. did i pressure him or push him away?
6. will he ever talk to me again or want to see me?
7. do you think hes still in love with his ex gf?
8. why hasnt he been contacting me?
9. why is he hooking up with some girl right now?
10. do you think hell stop liking me, and his feelings will just randomly stop for me?
11. would he honestly hold onto me for over a year to have sex once and thats it?
12. do you think he'll come back around and we'll eventually go out?
13. if he's back with his ex girlfriend what does this mean? does he not like me? why would he do this?
14. the night after we had sex, he put on the fray song "look after you"..do you think..after sex he realized that he has really strong
feelings for me and got scared?

Answer 1

1. No 2. Yes 3. Yes 4. Do you really care that much? 5. Yes 6. No 7. No 8. He doesn't want to contact you 9. Because he can 10. He never really liked you. 11. No, he didn't hold onto you for a year; you held onto him, and when the opportunity presented itself, he used you again for sex 12. No 13. He's not back with his ex, he is trying to get rid of you and/or using her again as well. 14. NO. You should seriously seek counselling and Read "He's Just Not That Into You!" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, let me tell you some thing you have NOT thought about.On that cruise, there were probably 100 guys or more who had the hots for and would have slept with you and NOT had any emotional feelings or desire for a relationship and commitment.
Next, you are having sex(that produces babies sooner or alter birth control or not) and he drinks, smokes weed and pops pills.
Now name 10 women who have been married to a guy like this for 20 yrs and are raising kids who are well behaved and do well in school.
Next he may not jump in the sack with you because:
1.He may have herpes out breaks
2.He may want to get to know you well enough to decide if he wants to commit before risking making a babay
3.He may have health problems
4.He may be bi
5.He may be gay
Seems like he has expressed that he does NOT want a relationship with you, maybe just sex once in a while.
I am sorry, it was not love at first orgasm for him,not even love at 5th orgasm.You either need to decide if you are going to be casual sex partners and risk screwing up your life by getting pregnant or dump him for someone who wants a relationship.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

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Answer 5

First, what is your intuition telling you about this? It will be good for to get use to listening to that if you are in future situation so you don't let things get so far. Next, stop making excuses for him (his gf of 5 years cheated on him so that is why he is like this, his friends really influence him to be like this etc). You are making excuses for how he is being and acting, because you know its not right. You are a hookup. He sounds charming but when he immediatly was like 'i would never use you" whoa, what the f, who says that after you tell them you really liked seeing them.

The rest of your questions basically are not neccessary. To be frank, he dosent really like you. You keep pointing out in your story ' WE DIDNT HAVE SEX THIS TIME" like that means it must not be about that. But HE KNOWS he is going to get some because you are letting him get it sometimes. This guy does NOT think of you a gf material. He thinks of you as sex material. A girl he can lie to, OR just contact sometimes and he knows that is enough for you to keep going after him. He dosent have to do any work. He can just sometimes 'act' interested and he knows it sends you in a tailspin. He may not be mean or cruel, he may still be a nice guy, but its very obvious sex and hooking up is all he is interested in.

Here is a tip for your future. I am 27 and went through 5 years of relationships like this before I got it (yeah that is sad I know) If you want to know if someone likes you or cares for you, look at their actions. Do not listen to what they say or not say to you, dont look at what their myspace page/or music is saying or not saying. look at how they act. That will ALWAYS be an indication of their true feelings. If they really like you, you will know. It will be obvious becasue they will be calling you, taking you out, doing things for you etc on a regular basis. They wil be making a clear CLEAR effort to be in your life honey. So look at what he is doing (with his ex particularly or other girls) what would that tell you if you applied that advice? The actions are always honest, the words dont have to be. You didnt do anything wrong hooking up with him on the cruise, or anytime after because it seems like you have a lesson here to learn. But learn it now, this time. Dont keep going through this with men for years. Its easy to do. Always apply that advice, and listen to yourself. Always look at how they are acting, are they making a clear effort to be with you as much as possible, no matter what is going on ? Also, buy that book 'Hes just not that into you' if you really need it driven into your head. Good luck.

Answer 6

I've been on this site since 11/6/07...this has to be the 10th time at least I've seen this question. I've reported it, but to no avail. If we ignore this person maybe they will get bored and go away.

Answer 7

It's a hookup, don't lie to yourself. Seems like he is just using you. He doesn't contact you because he doesn't think of you as his girlfriend.

Answer 8

Now since you got an answer from Lauren will you shut up about this?

Answer 9

girl, this is rlly long.♥
i think u know the answer, lol, idk u were jusTT A H00KUPP.
i THiNK...:)

Answer 10

no thanks. Ive seen this question before.