Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2007:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.
6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new b*tch for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
2007-11-22 04:59:31 · 14 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
2007-11-22 05:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by Luck dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it Barbie! you tell them, Ken is a wimp make no mistake could Santa melt him down and make a new one complete with 6 pack and bulges in all the right places.
Yes nice lacy white underwear from Victorias secret
And a proper figure, not a MANmade model with outsize boobs and a 16" waist. Get REAL Mattel
2007-11-22 05:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by cornishmaid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have I gone back in time? 1998?! NOOO!!! that means I'm 12, and that means I can't drink, drive, smoke, or have sex! But funny list though haha, i think i got that in an email a long time ago. And the censored word... is that b*tch?
2016-04-05 03:33:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a good one..It's nice to hear some new humor..unlike the new divorce Barbie ...she comes with half of Ken's stuff....
I think her and GI Joe make a cute couple.
2007-11-22 05:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by impromptu_57 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny! 10!
2007-11-22 10:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-02-20 02:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by kenneth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, barbie gone psycho. i am so glad i don't have any of her kind with my anymore lol. nice riddle/joke it made me laugh :o)
2007-11-22 05:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by Loves Cure 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch, she's a bit grouchy, pmsl
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-11-22 12:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by tastybits 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think she already has PMS judging by that letter
star award
2007-11-22 10:36:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol very funny and so true
2007-11-22 05:07:18 · answer #10 · answered by x=-b±√b²-4ac/2a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋