MY Boyfriend is wont come near me???

Question

hi heres the storey my bf dad is dyin of cancer they say hes got till xmas t live i have bin with my fella since may which yesh is nt lonng bt known him 7 yrs!! sometimes he wont come near me like kiss me or owt! now its gettin t the point that he want even sleep with me i ko hes got stress on with his dad but how can i get round this situation please ssuggest!!??

i kno hes going thru alot and he needs lova and effection i dont mean t b selfish bt so do i! it crnt all b one way n i dont want just sex off him i want to be close n he wont let me hes pushin me away more than any thing else! i just want some affection off him?? i kno his dad dyin and i kno i shud b tere for him n am i n he knoes tha!

i am showing him support!!! bt its stressin me cos sumtimes he will just sit n ignore me n am tryin t suport him so will you all strop sayin am nt i just need help for him t b able to talk t me n show his emotions!

iv told him i do love him n that am there for him also told him not t let it build up! no he doesnt think hes got cancer he is 20 i knno if it wud b my perants id b the same n all i want him t do is open up then i kno he will let me love n show him some affection!

oh and i have cryed many time b4 with him! and my spellin is terrable becos am doin it in tx lang!!

am not being selfish but it does take 2 to work a realtionship and at the moment its 1!!

Answer 1

does he think he has got cancer? i think he may seem that his dad has it and he may have got it and he might be giving it to you. tell him cancer doesnt spread like that. he doesnt have cancer. i bet he has that thought in his head. it could also be depression. take him to the docs coz he seems depressed. so its either OCD (obseesive compulsive) or depressed. OCD means thinking the way i said at the top. got all this made up theory in the head. talk to him, ask him what it is he is thinking, what he feels like? what is going through his head? what he thinks and feels? tell him u are tehre to listen, to help.. tell him u love him and that u care. tell him to let you into his heart and find out whats going on deep down. he may have OCD or maybe he doenst fell like doing nothing. maybe he has lost teh will to live coz of his dad. tell him you are there to support him no matter what coz u care. tell him you are one and that 'a problem shared is a problem halved' take care, look after him, dont get mad at him. imagine if it was your own mum or dad in that situation, and think what you would want. help...so be tehre for him now, more tahn ever and hopefully it will make u both stronger. trip to doctors would be good. let him talk to doctor on own too...he might want to tell him stuff that he doesnt want u to know or tell you coz painful or it migth make u cry or whatever.

Answer 2

Firstly, please stop using 'text lang' this isn't a text message, and your not using a mobile phone! It makes it hard to understand, it's bloody annoying and you are less likely to get answers.

Now to your question:
I can understand that you are getting frustrated, especially when you are trying to show him love, affection and support and he's pushing you away.

You really need to talk to him about why he is being so off. Ask him if it is because of his Dad or is there something else? Explain that you understand that he's going through a terrible ordeal, and that you will be there for him, but that you are feeling a little low and unloved, and that you just need to make sure that there is nothing you can do to change things.

Explain that sometimes, you just want a hug and a kiss to feel close to him, and to show your love.

Be prepared for a really rough time hun, it's gonna be hard. it may be that he just copes with things by being distant, and you may just have to put up with it for a while until he feels ready again.

Answer 3

You don't 'get round' the situation, you offer your bf love and support!!! if he isnt in the mood for sex and affection right now then maybe think about the reason why!!! How selfish can you be, he's going through something awful and all you can think about is your own feelings! He's only known you 7 years, but he's known his dad all his life so no wonder his dad is taking precedence over you at the moment. You will need to be there for him in the coming months so grow up.

Answer 4

i understand how you are feeling but you cannot understand how he is feeling unless you have been there.

i spent 6 months looking after my father who died of lung cancer, whilst working and trying to pay all the bills on my own. it is totally soul destroying watching someone die let alone it being one of you're parents. be there for him and support him but do not pressure him, its all too much for him to handle at the moment. he's watching his dad die, no one should have to go through that but unfortunately it happens.

he is still in shock and denial that this is happening, probably depressed at the thought of losing his dad too. just offer to be there and leave it at that, all you will do by pressuring him is push him away. he needs to be with his father as much as he can in his last few weeks,and that's all that will be on his mind. just take a back seat for now and be there to help pick the pieces up when the inevitable happens. he will need you more than ever then.

to be bluntly honest, if you cant support him in the way he needs now you are not really ready for a proper relationship.

Answer 5

Guys just dont open up. They are not like girls who enjoy going through the emotional thing of talking about their feelings. They actually hate it so no, he's not going to open up to you, specially if you push for it like you are. His dad is dying, and you are putting him under extra pressure by being demanding. Have a heart!
You dont have to fiddle and rush around making it all about you to help him, If you love him and really want to be there for him look after his small comforts like feed him, make sure his washing gets done, if his mother is still in the picture help her too. Do it all quietly, without asking for anything for yourself and just hope that one day when its all over he appreciates it. After the way you've behaved he might never trust you again. He's the one losing his dad, it is way more important to him than you are right now, you'll just have to accept that.

Answer 6

I think you just need to try to put yourself in his position. Losing a parent is always a tough thing for anyone to cope with, because it affects a person in so many ways. All you can do is try to be fair to him and gentle with him and try to be understanding if he feels like he doesn't want to be intimate with you at the moment. He will get through it, but its a very tough time for him, and he may be trying to be strong for his mum and other family members too. Give him space but let him know you're there if he needs you, without any pressure.

Answer 7

You have got to be really supportive at this time. He has got the worry of parting with his dad so obviously sex is the last thing on his mind! Please - let him know you are worried
about him and are there for him. Sometimes all we need is a cuddle, without the worry of have to 'perform' for you.
Lets face it - if you are the loving girlfriend, then you will have
many years to be together. So - stop worrying about this and
put your boyfriend first.

Answer 8

DONT TALK TO YOUR BF HE HAS ENOUGH STRESS AND WORRY ABOUT HES DAD THAN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT THE MOMENT, JUST SAY TO HIM YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM AND ASK HIM IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP.

I THINK HE IS EXTREMLEY DEPRESSED, WELL ANYONE WOULD BE WATCHING THEIR PARENT WASTE AWAY

Answer 9

This is HIS time, you stop and you WAIT till HES ready, show some support you selfish child.

Answer 10

work on your english.....but i dont know just talk to your boyfriend and tell him whats going on.