Huge problem with my daughter - what to do?

Question

We are Muslims but live in a Western country and we attempt to integrate and are not strict on some aspects of the religion. Anyway I just found out my 15 year old daughter lost her virginity to her 17 year old boyfriend. (non-Muslim) what to do????

Answer 1

May Allah bless her.
She has committed a zina and deserves a good punishment.

I'm sorry but I have no suggestions. Its your fault, sorry to say, but it is. admit it. you didn't understand and followed the teachings of Islam and thus didn't convey the better to your daughter. This means you don't even take hijab.

Ask Allah for forgiveness, He is the one who is merciful.
But its never too late. start following religion strictly, pray five times a day, wear hijab, recite Quran and holy verses.

Answer 2

Just like any western parent i guess - try and sit down with her and explain why you are concerned...even in British law, the age of consent is 16 for a reason: any younger, and you probably lack the emotional maturity and common snse to cope with the responsibilities of a sexual erelationship. I would get some advice (as you are doing here) and have a heart-to-heart in a way which keeps her trust in you but lets her know you are still the parent and have a duty to help her make the right decisions for herself. It is probably best to avoid shouting and anger if you can, but keep the lines of communication open. It might also be worth bringing up that she needs to feel sure she is living by the values she wants to - her religion might become more important to her as she gets older. Also, make sure she has the confidence to say no if she feels under pressure, and that she values herself enough to make decisions she is comfortable with. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Salaamu alaykum

It is too bad for her that you do not live in a muslim country and that she can't get the proper punishment for zina. I know it sounds harsh to westerners, but it would be better for her to endure the lashes in public than the punishment on judgement day for her sin. Punishment in this life takes away punishment on the judgement day, and it is a mercy. Also the severity of the punishment would have emphasized the magnitude of her sin.

Unfortunately, now you are in a tight situation. You tried to integrate and turned your back on some of the aspects of Islam. Your daughter was allowed to be alone and date this 17 year old boy. She can not marry him; he is not muslim. Also, she has hurt her chances of a good marriage in the future. This is all very unfortunate....I am sure she doesn't understand how bad this is for her in this life and the next or she would have never never done it.

The only thing that I can think of to make the situation better is to have a talk with her including her father and the imam about the great harm that she has done to herself by this sin. Also, turn back to Islam and enforce all aspects of the religion. This will be hard as she is already 15 and western "rules" are set in her mind. Ultimately it will be her who makes the choice to learn about and practice Islam fully.

Insha'Allah I will make du'aa for you and your family!
As salaam alaykum wa rahmatuillahi wa barakatu

Answer 4

im not gonna say it's your fault because im pretty sure you must have told her that having sex before marriage is wrong, but the only thing to do now is have them get married... or at least get them engaged until she is legal to get married. if she continues sleeping around it'll be even worse. She'll make a bad name or herself (even thought it already is bad because she lost her virginity but you don't wanna make it worse do you?). Talk with his family also and tell them what happend and come up with a solution. But you should also ask her why it happened.... maybe there's a logical reason. who knows. And ask her why she would ahve a bf at the age of 15? if anything, tell her she should focus on her school and start a future (what HS she wants to attend.. what she wants to do when she grows up).... boys can come later. i hope this helps and I hope whatever happens with your daughter, it is hte right decision.

Answer 5

She has committed zina and there is nothing you can do about it because seems you will allow this type of behavior to continue. Do not allow her to go with boys.. Why does she at 15 even have a boyfriend? Does her father know? Why is she even able to be alone with a 17 year old boy? Your attempt to integrate is what got you into this problem...
If you do not raise your children with respect and knowledge of their religion then it is your fault you can not expect anyone to come and tell you what to do..
If your a Muslim you will know what Sharia law has told us the Punishment should be..

The Quran does not tell us to stone her to death it because she is not married nor I am assumming is the boy, her punishment according to the Quran would be 100 lashes.

Answer 6

Well folks I live in Qatar and one of my collegue is dating different men, many times i see bruises on her arms

I wouldnt be surprised if she is raped by one of the guys.

Are we not in Islamic country? Why do we blame western country.

Has anyone one been to Jordan? its so common to have bf's and gf's.

Lashes are must for Zina now only thing you have to do is correct urself first and pray to Allah sincerely.

Start learning Islam, dedicate your life to Islam.

You both have to repent as per conditions of repentance. Allah is most merciful

Answer 7

asalamualaikum. you need to sit down with her and explain why islam equates sex with marraige. show her the beauty of the faith so that she can understand and want to uphold the laws of islam. may the Almighty bestow his richest blessings and infinite mercies on one and all muslimeen. insha'allah. no parent sends their children out to do wrong. she is 15, old enough to know that it is not permissable, she and she alone is to blame for her sins. if she did not know, its her duty to go and seek the deen. the whole family should practise and seek thier religion and Allah is the only judge. Allah is 'all knowing' " all merciful" and 'all forgiving"

Answer 8

The first thing that most parents want to do is to forbid her to have sex. That wont work at this point. She may be looking for indapendence or think that she's in love or just trying to have fun or any number of things. I understand your teachings, but its probably best to discuss it with her. First talk to her about it. Find out what she did from her mouth and why she made that choice. Second make sure she understands the non-religiouse consequences. Third make sure she understands the rules of your faith. Make sure that when you talk to her, that you have a cool and calm head. Don't pressure her and avoid negative words. You want this to be a discussion and you want her to understand that her mother is there for her no matter what. There is no easy answer for any parent dealing with this type of thing but, I hope this helps.

Answer 9

im 16 i live in england, and not in my worst nightmares can i imagine doing that, it would break my paresnts heart, its your upbringing which has caused this..... yes intigrate but only to a certain extent dont push teh line... after all we are muslims and secondly your asking for advise on yahoo answers!!! no offence you cant look after yur own kids.

edit:: OMG PEOPLE SHES NOT EVEN MUSLIM, SHES A FRAUD!! TROLL
i read her other questions

Answer 10

Salam Sister,

As you have mentioned it is a huge problem.
May Allah guide you and your family.

My advise would be
1. You have to handle it very carefully/tactfully, excessive force will have undesired results.
2. Talk to your daughter (as an adult) Tell her about the problems she will face if she continues with similar behavior.
3. Talk to her about Islam. (InshaAllah if she truly repents and does not repeat ... she will be ok) Allah knows best.
4. Be sure not to talk about this to anybody (here it is anonymous so should be fine). This will help your daughter to get back to her deen faster without people calling her names...


May Allah show mercy on you and your family.

Answer 11

It's not always a bad thing. I was a 16 year old boy with the 15 year old girl at one time too. just so happens that she's the only one and we're still together six years later and will be until the end. She is Catholic and I know nothing about Catholic people, I even went to Church with her and didn't like it. What she does, foolish or admirable, will make her who she is. If she doesn't want to go find a nice Muslim boy or man then let her make her choice, I am lucky my wife's father didn't make her find a Catholic man so the grandchildren would be catholic.