Is there any help recovering from multiple Family losses?

Question

We suffered 10 deaths within 2 years, the first 5 within 6 months. It happened along with many, many other traumatic events. I went online last night, due to an unexpected, unshakable depression after my pet suffered a lengthy illness and had to be put to sleep. In the list of causes of depression, I had something major from each area.

I thought I had worked through my grief and pain, but realize it was only shelved. Apparently, I'm still dealing with grief in a magnitude I cannot comprehend, along with unresolved sexual trauma and severe mental abuse. The emotions I have been dealing with have been intense. I find it impossible to untangle all I feel, let alone understand it.

Most seem unable to comprehend the depths of our grief. I prefer self help books rather than dumping on others, but cannot find an area of comparison. I want to move past this to a place of peace. I hope to help others someday, but cannot until I heal myself first. Do you know any books on extreme loss?

Answer 1

I also went through a period of many losses and I felt very overwhelmed. I just went to get lots of books on grief and read those. I also finally went to a grief support group. That helped a lot. More of the material sunk in and it was a safe place to talk. Writing down your feelings. Talking out loud about them, even with no one around helps. Look at pictures of the ones you have lost. If you still find yourself unable to move on then consider seeing someone. An antidepressant could help.

Answer 2

Extreme loss in the context that you say is rather rare in the United States. Imagine some of the people from the holocaust or from Afghanistan who have no living relatives left. It is traumatic and in many cases I don't think average people would be able to understand.

Have you considered professional counseling. At least you know that you can let your pain out and they will not grow tired or judgemental. From personal experience, I don't think many laymen can listen effectively, often people prefer to fix or at least avoid talking about such serious matters.

Time is the only true healer. That and effective processing of that grief on your part. You mention that you thought you had worked through your grief. That is probably what you wanted, but life always dishes up surprizes.

A grief counselor (and yes they exist) could really be beneficial. Afterall, how many self-help books let you cry? Crying has been shown to let painful feelings (the same ones that cause illness and death) escape.

There is nothing wrong with grieving, it is hiding the pain and keeping it buried that causes the problems. The fact that you have way more than your share of them, says that you are that much closer to finding the meaning of life.

I won't jump on a lecture on what I think you should do, or tell you that you should get over that grief. It is obvious that you are in much pain. I will in fact, do a bit of research on extreme losses for you. But that won't heal you better than sheer time.

Think: one day at a time.
Think about the things that you can be thankful that are good in your life.
Turn your mind and heart to the living...to the good things and away from the pain.

Afterall, I strongly believe that in any moment we are either living it or dying in it. Cherish each breath that you had in the past. Recognize that pain is inevitable but that the cure is within our knowledge that all suffer and that freeing ourselves from attachment to things that WILL ALWAYS change (such as health or life) will provide the comfort that you need. If you can get freedom from that pain for just a moment, breathe deeply and thank the heavens that you have the mind to cherish truly what is valuable in life.

Pain leads to true freedom at some point. The longer we wish things are different, the longer life will remain the same. Perhaps, you were meant to survive this grief just to be that much more remarkable as an adult.

Smile, breathe deeply....appreciate friends, and drink pureness in your heart (in the form of conversation, food, and clean air).

Remember: Everything in life is temporary. Choose life anyway;-)

Answer 3

You have been through alot more than I have. I see a therapist (just started) after recently losing my dog that was under the care and custody of a vet. She had a simple eyelid procedure, and the vet called me that afternoon and stated the surgery went perfect, and "with my permission I would like to keep her here overnight for observation". I agreed. The next morning he called me and told me my dog hung herself while trying to escape his facilities. She was never watched. Although many of you may think "It's only a dog", it's not that, it is the trauma and the tremendous pain to get through it. I have Bi-Polar disorder so it does not help one bit. I dump my problems on my best friend, thank goodness he is there, I would love to find self help books too. Good luck to you, I am very sorry for all you are going through. I cry uncontrollably just about daily.

Answer 4

YES
I too have suffered from extreme emotions that have controlled my very existence. I was Healed not from coventional therapy but through my belief in the very elusive concept of miracles. After all we are all miracles-Miracles of Life. If we dwell on ths fact and believe in a Higher Power I know that PEACE will come . It will come when it is ready but you have to be ready and believe!! And yes a book the art of condolence is very good .

Much Love and Understanding B.

Answer 5

sorry for your loss,i know your pain too well,i lost a few very close family members myself and i know its hard but we have to mov on for there sake.My niece and nephew 9 months and 2 yars old were killed few years back in a house fire,and then just last year anothr 2 year old niece run down by a car by some ***,sooo im angry too.as u can see.But just keep in mind we will get to se them another day.And spend time with family &friends.Maybe counseling would help?maybe church?time dose heal it always hurts but it does ease up u just gotta rember the good times and the happy mememorys u had.Im not religios but i do belive we all going to the same place.God bless ya if ya ever wanta chat or need another friend im always around Joyce

Answer 6

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Answer 7

wow.. some traumatic experience u've gone through... but what else can you do.. except to accept it and go on with your life... we all live in this world for a reason.. and whatever that reason is.. we have to make the most of it.. and live it to the best of our lives.... the important thing here is to accept reality as it is.. once you've accepted this.. then u can achieve a lot...

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about all you been through. (((((hugs)))))! Go and get some grief counselling!

Answer 9

you are lucky think of all the money you would have spent on presents. buy your self something nice and remember them every time you see it.