we've been dating since high school, but now I'm 19 and in college with a job, and he's 20 at his mom's house

Question

My bf who lives at home, while I'm at college recently called me and told me about this awesome job he was just starting. I was at a party and could only talk for about 10 minutes before my phone was going to die. He yelled at me for not being excited for him. I apologized and groveled. Now I've just found out that he was lying. When he couldn't tell me exactly what he did, I thought something was up and when I questioned further, he admited it. I feel like it's kind of my fault for making him feel like a loser because he isn't working. It's just that we've been dating since high school, but now I'm 19 and in college with a job, and he's 20 at his mom's house and won't work. I never expected that he'd lie to me. What do I do?!

I used to fuss at him about working because he never applied to any jobs and hasn't ever even taken me on a date. I hate always paying. If he were trying, it wouldn't be so bad.

Answer 1

help him find a way to make money without working a dead end job. maybe he doesn't like to work(like me) and would enjoy doing something on his own to make money.

for me i found that i have a skill at handicapping races, and i use that skill to make a living. find out what his skills are, and then help him maximize those skills to profit. that's what a good girlfriend would do. a bad girlfriend would do what you did, and "make him feel like a loser".

Answer 2

You have obviously grown apart and are now running on inertia. Your criticizing and his lying are very likely psychological ploys to drive each other away, although I agree you have legitimate grievances. You will continue to make each other miserable unless one of you miraculously embraces the values of the other or one of you ends the relationship.

Leaving the safety of high school exposes fault lines in a whole lot of relationships, so this is a natural development, not a failure on your part.

Answer 3

You move on, you are not married. Please take my advice, you are barely starting out in life, enjoy your freedom and meeting new people. In time you will get over him. At least you are out of the house, working and going to school. Just open your eyes, realize this is my time and I am going to enjoy it. As far as he goes his still immature and needs to grow up and be a man, high school is over, it is time to grow up now. You are, so just forget him and move on, you have friends that will help you through this and better guys out there.