I am developing deeper feelings for a guy. The attraction was always SO strong between us and he turns me on like NO ONE before. The problem is, he is a pothead. He has been smoking for years everyday and I feel like he has no emotion. He comes across like a rock. We spent last night together and he told me he has feelings for me, but he said he doesn't want a relationship. I don't understand how he can say he has feelings for me but doesn't wanna be with me as more than friends. The problem I have is with him being a pothead. I feel like he has SO much potential and he is so smart, but the weed and other drugs have fogged his brain. He doesn't wanna stop doing drugs. This hurts me so much because I care bout him deeply and I can see us having a relationship if he would just change and start caring more. I know he has feelings for me, I can tell and feel it. Please give me some advice I'm so confused.
2007-11-21 16:29:31 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's a druggie. He doesn't WANT you in his life like that, he is in LOVE with the drugs, with the high. You, or anyone else on this planet, cannot replace that.
He is probably a good manipulator too, given that he's a druggie. My advice: steer clear! He is not capable of caring for you as you would like him to. The drugs have fogged his brain and his heart. He is in self-destruct and is going down. Only he can make the decision to stop; only he can make the decision to turn his life around. There's nothing you can do for him. It's up to him to make those choices. You can't love him enough to love the drugs out of him. It has to be his decision. If you are hanging around him, hoping he will change, you will end up being the one changing. Not him.
I will pray for you both. May the Lord open your eyes and give you wisdom and strength to leave him, and may the Lord have mercy on him, and bring him peace so he can turn his life around.
2007-11-21 16:42:50 · answer #1 · answered by Leopardlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER EVER think for a second that YOU can CHANGE anyone!!! If you feel the other person must CHANGE before the relationship will work, then DO NOT bother starting one.
He TOLD who and what he is all about - he does NOT want a relationship, and will NOT give up his longtime mistress "Mary Jane". The FACT is - even if he did decide on his own to stop smoking, it would take him YEARS to mature emotionally to even catch up to where you are - his emotions have not been developing properly since he became a daily heavy smoker - how long ago? He comes across like a rock because in a sense he IS much like a rock. THIS WAS HIS CHOICE THEN, AND IT IS NOW.
Hurting yourself over his ignorance is futile - you are beating your head against a wall, and this guy isn't listening because he is not capable AND does not want to. I'm SURE he is not the only guy in town....once you stop thinking you are super woman and he needs you, no doubt someone who is more emotionally healthy will come your way - - you are wasting valuable time and energy investing any real feeling in a ROCK.
2007-11-22 00:49:49 · answer #2 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this may be hard to understand but if he wont stop the drugs theres no way you guys can have a relationship. Since he's been smoking for years he's now dependent on the drug and wont be able to stop. If he had to choose between you or the drug he'll probably choose the drug. Even he chooses you and promises to stop he probably will screw everything up because his brain will tell him he needs the weed. If you think you can really change his life and you want to be with him then go for it but dont expect for it to be a quick fix. This is only my opinion but I think you should move on. If you really like him than do what you can. Hope this helps a little
2007-11-22 00:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by Ya tu Sabes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a guy (or anyone in particular) tells you up front that they "do not want to be in a relationship", chances are they are telling you the truth. Just be friend with him because if you Push or work towards getting that relationship, you are setting yourself up for heartache and that;s stupid. Just be friends with him and keep meeting other people on the side until you run into someone that's cool and doenst tell you no bull like he doesnt want relationship.
This way you will have a win-win situation without starting 2008 off on the wrong foot.
2007-11-22 00:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by ni-ni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey.. move on.. I know it hurts to hear and it'll hurt much more to do.. But if he's that far into it and doesn't want to give up those drugs for anything, it could bring you down, AND much worse, often people on drugs take rash, abusive actions on anyone who tries to stop them. Try to get him outside help maybe? But don't keep pressing a relationship with him or "sleeping over" with him.. I don't know what you did while there but just.. don't. It's for your own safety. You're above the influence, so stay there.
2007-11-22 00:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by yeah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change anyone but yourself and yet you are clearly wanting/trying to and this could be, in part, what's prompting him to state some limitations/boundaries on his commitment to a continuing relationship that's more than a friendship.
Whether or not the pot is affecting him, if he's going to quit it has to be his choice and on terms agreeable to him. That could take a long time to come about, if ever. Right now, he's defining his terms and you need to focus your energy on doing what's right for you...thinking that you can persuade him to change is not right -- might be desirable, but still not right. Focus on you and what it is that does most attract you to this guy...are you sure he's the only one who can deliver?
2007-11-22 00:37:16 · answer #6 · answered by dragonfly7149 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way is to let go, but like you said you hold strong emotions towards him so it might be hard. You should start by going out with other guys and you might just find someone like him who's not a mushroom face. Basically his head is wack and the only way he'll change is if he hits total rock-bottom, but in the mean time move on with your life and don't be dragged by his problems. It's his problem and the fact is he's the only one who can change himself not you or anybody else.
Plus if he likes you like you stated, by moving on and going out with other guys might help him realize his miserable life and might even change just to make it up to you. So move on.
2007-11-22 00:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by Caribou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change them, even if they have all the potential in the world. Plus, he even said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship... he's telling you outright what he wants. He prob. does have feelings for you, but he's told you that he doesn't want what you want. Give yourself some space from him to help yourself get over those feeling for him. He will only change if he wants to, no one can do it for him. Take it from me, I used to love a druggie too and it's a lot of heartache.
2007-11-22 00:34:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try Hard 2 Convince Him
Love Is Love No Matter What U R =/
2007-11-22 00:33:26 · answer #9 · answered by Romina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you get in to this relation, you are the only one that will suffer the most. That person needs professional help that you can not provide. Do not make a decision that will affect your life forever. You are the one that will say the last word.
What is it going to be?
2007-11-22 00:42:26 · answer #10 · answered by Ponco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋