I have been seeing a wonderful man for the past five months. In that time Ive seen him twice. We were high school "locker buddies". He went off to the Marines and then Air force. I got married then divorced, as did he. Anyway, we have been "dating" and recently he was deployed. I love him with all my heart. However, I went out with some friends and before the night was through, I flashed the bar, got a drink, and had laughs...and went home ALONE. I feel horrible. I didnt tell my guy because he has enough to worry about. Should I tell him? Should I not? Is this a silly worry not worth bringing up? - Confused...
2007-11-21 15:14:18 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you just went out with friends, and behaved your self you did not cheat, he went to war and did not leave you in a convent or a vaccumn. You have a life to live, you need your time with friends, your guilt is because he is away protecting our country and the 1940's stereo type,sat home and wrote every day and knitted sweaters and scarfs... I am not sure what "flashed the bar" means, but if it doesn't mean sucking face with the bartender or something of that level of behavior, you did nothing wrong in having a few hours of fun with friends and keeping your morals intact..... the guilt is because he is probably NOT having much fun and you know it. So don't flaunt it but don't hide it, you don't have anything to be ashamed of, and so long as you keep it that way, chin up and keep writing and keep your letters upbeat, don't dump your un nescessary guilt on him, his life may depend on not being distracted. If going out bothers you so much then don't go again, if you feel the undeniable urge to confess to something find a Priest or a Pastor and let them help you see this in perspective......twice in 5 months no wonder you are confused so many feelings not able to be taken care of until he comes home.......
2007-11-21 15:34:10 · answer #1 · answered by Judy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends. First of all, I don't think at all that this would be considered "cheating" on your man. If he is the type that gets jealous easily, he may be a bit disturbed that you flashed the bar, even though it wasn't directed towards anyone specific. If he does get jealous easily, the fact that you flashed the bar may raise some questions of if you were talking or flirting with someone at the bar. If I were in your situation, I would probably just keep this to myself. You didn't cheat, you went home alone and it is not really a big deal. However, if there were mutual friends at the bar with you that seen this, you would have to go ahead and tell him before he finds out some other way, and then he will really be suspicious that you didn't tell him. I don't think you should feel guilty like you cheated though, cause you didn't.
2007-11-21 15:26:58 · answer #2 · answered by Robyn T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. It was stupid, he would not have been proud of it either... but then, neither are you.
Your intent wasn't to cheat or to embarrass him. You also didn't intend to embarass yourself but, thankfully, you are embarrassed.
That's enough. Don't torture yourself over it and keep it to yourself. You went home ALONE.. which IS what you had intended to do.
If you absoutely have to do some kind of penance, then do something for him that you would never had done for the bar. Put on a nice, not necessarily really revealing nightgown or pj's or whatever and have a girlfriend get a camera. Get on your bed (not in some suggestive pose but in a nice way) and look dead in the camera and give him your best "you are the most important person to me and I want you back with me" look. You know the one... cause it melts him. Have your friend take that picture.
Then send it inside a "I miss you card".
Tell me the truth... you had NO desire to do that for any of those people in the bar that night did you.
THAT, my dear, says it all. And it will to him too.
Hope this helps.
Hang in there.
2007-11-21 15:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
E C what were you thinking!
However, it already happend. I think you should just leave the subject alone. I mean you went home alone anywas, but you still need to be careful cuz if you are that wild then you shouldn't be out in places like that without him. I think that at the moment you tell him, he will think differently towards you and maybe he might even consider forgetting about you, he also won't be able to trust you when he is not around. so keep it to yourself and move on and if you feel you can't hold your self back then he gotta go!
well good luck and stay out of trouble.
2007-11-21 15:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by D1NONLY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Flip the concern around for your mind. If your boyfriend had cheated, you'd want to know, right? That means you'd be in a position to make a proper choice. So preserve fascinated about that and recover from your cowardice about telling him. He's finished NOTHING unsuitable so he will have to be the one to make a decision whether he thinks it's worth staying with a cheater. For the record, you will have to have cut all ties together with your ex once you broke up. An ex is an ex for a purpose and the fact that he all of a sudden grew to become more interested when your boyfriend was once away is a massive warning light: you are proper, he's a nasty piece of labor...But by way of giving in, you aren't relatively any higher. You have to look ahead to your boyfriend to come back residence and then tell him head to head. Apologise and promise to look forward to him to decide whether he desires to still be with you. If he does, you then must rely your benefits and work to earn back his believe - step 1 could be telling your ex to depart YOU by myself and on no account converse to him once more. If he breaks up with you, then put it down to learning your lesson. And still inform your ex to shove it, for the reason that how do you know he won't do the equal thing with your next bf? And because he used to be happy to cheat with you, how do you know that, in case you two get back together, he is not going to cheat ON you?
2016-08-06 08:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
K now what exactly is it you're feeling guilty about? Just so I'm clear?....was it the fact that you went out? Or was it that you flashed the bar? Do you mean that you flashed the bar-tender? Or the WHOLE bar?.................if you did flash any of them, then YES you need to tell your partner. He'll be very upset, but he needs to know. You should also try hard to refrain from doing such things too.......NOT trying to be your mother or anything, but, i know that if I was to do that, and my boyfriend found out, then he would be angry at me for days, but i wouldn't actually blame him though, because "I" did the deed.....tell him, don't keep things from him, relationships are based on TRUST.....
ps If you really think he's wonderful, then he DEFINITELY needs to know.
2007-11-21 15:27:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mz_Friendly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is there to feel guilty about? Is there more to the story? We're you trying to pick someone up when you did this? It doesn't sound like it. Doesn't seem like you have anything to feel guilty about. (Maybe a little embarrassed :-), but you get the point).
As for your initial question: No, flashing a bunch of people at a bar is not what I'd call cheating.
In closing, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. And many thanks to your airman for serving our country. God bless and may he come home safely.
2007-11-21 15:26:17 · answer #7 · answered by David M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't waste 1 more second worrying about this! It was not the best thing to do, but we all make mistakes. At least you realise you were wrong and just don't do stuff like this again if you really love him. I think It's best for your relationship that you don't mention it to him (as I don't consider this cheating) and just lift your shirt for him from now on! Best Wishes and I hope it works out for you both!! I appreciate his time serving our country a true hero!!!
2007-11-21 15:22:58 · answer #8 · answered by QTpie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well in that case you have to tell it to him, isn't it you love him, and at the first place you have just hang out with some friends and enjoying some of your time is not bad unless you did some thing "foul" but with what you have said you just got a drink, laugh so there's nothing to worry. just tell it to him maybe he will go with you the next time you will hang out! cheer up dont be confused and feel guilty.
2007-11-21 15:25:35 · answer #9 · answered by andré kews 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him - it's not important and it will only make him worry. You can tell him all about it after you've been married to him for about 10 years. Any woman who's married to a career military man will tell you that you just don't tell them silly stuff that will worry them while they're deployed.
2007-11-21 15:19:57 · answer #10 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋