Help. How can I stop being rude and hateful?

Question

I don't mean to be rude, but I was raised by hateful people and never really developed social skills. Sometimes when people say hi, I just give them deadly looks. I know that's bad. Please help.

Answer 1

Prepare yourself for a life of loneliess or with a couple of cellmates. Or Change.

Answer 2

Hi Alvaro, I want to congratulate you because you have asked this question, which means you are already aware of your own behavior and thus have given yourself the power to change it. All you have to do is make up your mind to treat others with love and kindness.

If you feel someone has done you wrong or you hold grudges against someone, forgive them by letting it go. By forgiving them, we are also setting ourselves free from the emotional burden. Love your enemy because they probably have their own pain and reasons for doing what they did.

Sometimes the world is not a beautiful place, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy on the inside. Learning to control your mood is a skill anyone can develop. Let me give you some pointers on this right now because developing this skill can help a person stop being rude and hateful.

First, we know that a lot of people are hot-tempered. They have emotional buttons that other people can push and cause them to explode. If you know the secret code to press, you can set off a nuclear chain reaction. Now do you realize that having all these emotional buttons exposed is a weakness in a person's character? It means that we do not have control over ourselves, thus it is so easy for others to 'make' us angry. BUT do they really 'make' us angry or do we 'allow' ourselves to become angry? It is because we allow the emotion of anger to arise, thus it consumes us and becomes ingrained in our mental patterns and habits. If we can realize that we have the freedom to choose our emotional reaction, then just because someone pushes our buttons does not mean we have to flare up or strangle the guy. We have the option of stepping outside ourselves and imagine looking at the situation through the eyes of a neutral third party. Then we can evaluate the situation more objectively and make a calm decision.

Sorry, I hope I've not gone off topic with this answer. There are so many aspects to developing inner peace that I can only cover a tiny fraction of it here.

Here's a little trick before I end: The next time someone says 'Hi' to you, allow yourself to imagine its your best friend saying it to you. Greet them as how you would treat a good friend.

Answer 3

First of all, take responsibility for your actions. Even if you say that you were raised that way, doesn't give you an excuse now that you know that you are wrong in your behavior. People in general treat others pretty well. They say hello, goodbye, how have you been for a reason. And that is not to fish a dirty look out of you. You need to convince yourself that people deserve better treatment from you. You also need to understand that you aren't as bad as you think just for the fact that you want to change and are being honest with others with your problem. Get to the root of the problem that causes you to act this way. You are not rude or hateful. You are "acting" rude and hateful for some reason. Does that help a little just to know that you are not a dick. You are just acting like one and it bothers you. That's a good thing. You may have to get counseling to find out what things that happened in your past causes you to act this way towards people. My prognosis is wrong thinking. Dwelling on something that happened in the past. Its like driving through life while looking through the rear view mirror instead of looking in front of you through the windshield. You cant change the past. But if you look ahead you can change anything. And if you see something coming at you that you want to avoid, just go around it. Or slow down, stop and deal with it.

Answer 4

You already have a very helpful self-awareness of the problem.

Make a determined effort to change, You are on the right track.

Make it a point to be helpful and kind, Start with older peoiple. Smile at them, Say "hello". Offer to help in some way.

It's clear that you have the will to change. Now just follow through. Give yourseklf a little nudge.

Check back and let us know how you're doing.

You will make it. Life will be better.

Answer 5

Because you know you are behaving badly, you obviously recognize good behaviors from bad.
Here is a link. It may seem stupid. Actually it is stupid. But its all I can find. I could write a whole book on how to be a nice person. The reality is that everyone can be a jerk. I'm just some girl who tries to be a nice person. Many people tell me I am a nice person. But I could always be nicer. Your feelings about people and yourself have a lot to do with it too. How can you be nice and love everyone, if you don't love yourself?
So, work on that first, and find yourself a role model.

Answer 6

Go to a therapist maybe. They could help you develop your social skills.

If you don't want to do that, just set small goals for yourself. Start smaller and get bigger as you accomplish them. Maybe start out by vowing to say Hi back to people in a reasonably cheerful manner. You'll have to think about it at first but I think after awhile it will become natural for you. Keep reminding yourself that hateful is not what you want to be and keep your goals in mind.

Answer 7

You need to change your attitudes towards people. Think positive. It will take time, but try to be kind and you'll find pleasure in life and understanding with people around. Take part in social events, dont close yourself up and go out, meet people and look at the sunny side of life.We live only once - enjoy.

Answer 8

Stop and think about how the other person is going to react before you say something. If it would make you feel bad then don't say it. Try to follow the Golden Rule and treat others the way you yourself would like to be treated, and if you don't have anything nice to say, just smile and say nothing.

Answer 9

You obviously know you are being rude. So think before you act and just make a conscious effort to be nice. I am nice all the time when I would rather be rude.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

It doesn't matter how you are raised, you can make yourself change if you really want to.Can't you walk by someone and said "Hey, how are you?" or "Hi"? Or better yet " It's a lovely day isn't it?". Also you could just smile and keep going when you walk by someone. Well you have a nice day :-)