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My fiance has been a widow for 4 years and now we are getting married. One of his sons is six and has a "girlfriend". They are in the same class and are BestFriends, but they call each other sweetie. I thought it was cute. Until recently.

He was invited to her birthday party and of course I said yes. Me and my fiance were going to be away that weekend and his grandmother(my fiance's mother) was in charge of the kids. Apparently the b-day party turned into a sleepover which my soon-to-be-MIL didn't know, he lied and said he was going to a friend's to sleep over. The parents said he slept right next to her. Other boys slept over. I need to end this little "relationship". My fiance agrees but doesn't know how to approach it so it's up to me. HELP!!

2007-11-21 13:14:02 · 16 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting Grade-Schooler

He said that his friend's mom was driving him.

2007-11-21 13:32:51 · update #1

16 answers

Wow, it's amazing that a six year old was savvy enough to lie about sleeping at a friends house. You guys will be in for it in ten years!

Call the girl's parents, tell them you feel that letting your son sleep next to their daughter was inappropriate. This new trend of coed sleepovers is strange to me - I think it is partly to blame for the middle school sex craze of recent years.

Trying to end the "relationship" will probably be messy, but setting boundaries for his relationships is your job as parents. Kids his age know that boys and girls don't use the same bathroom or change in front of each other, sleeping over shouldn't be too much of a jump. Good luck!

2007-11-21 13:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by rensmom 2 · 2 1

It's all context:............ a 16 year old dating a 26 year old is going to raise eyebrows. a 26 year old dating a 36 year old is still going to seem odd. a 30 year old dating a 40 year old is probably a little more acceptable. I understand WHY a girl might want to date an older guy though. It tends to be that guys don't mature as early as girls do, so an older guy has a lot of appeal. He knows something about the way the world works, understands women, and is generally going to be a more interesting, well rounded guy than a kid fresh out of high school who thinks he knows everything, and acts super cocky because of that. The young guy is generally not only less interesting, but he's completely blind to that fact. It's not just guys. I've noticed that most young girls (say early 20s) are BORING... They just haven't expanded their horizons enough yet, to be able to hold a good interesting conversation. Sure, they're attractive, but that isn't really the stuff that a GOOD relationship is made of. Of course all that creates a dynamic where the older person in the relationship is probably just going to use the younger one as a "toy," so to speak. Someone to have fun with for a while, until they're bored, and then they move on. Now, occasionally, you'll find something different, because no two people, and therefore, no two relationships, are alike. And I don't want to discount the possibility of more. I'm only generalizing. Of course, if you want to look at why people wonder about this sort of relationship, that's EXACTLY the perspective you need to take. Because, they too, are only generalizing...

2016-05-24 23:20:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

Most six-year-olds do not think of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" the same way teens and adults do, however, your fiance's son has watched his dad during your dating process and so he may have a better understanding than most.

How well do you know the parents of the girl? Unless I knew the parents well enough to automatically trust their judgement, I would not let my son attend a birthday party at ANYONE's house without getting all the details from the parents first. If the party was to be a sleepover, the invitation should have said so. Most parents would not allow co-ed sleepovers once the kids are schoolage. And boys should not have been sleeping next to girls.

If your future MIL was watching her grandson while you were out of town, she should not have let him sleepover unless you had stated that in the directions for the weekend. Even if he called her from the party and said he was going somewhere else for a sleepover, your future MIL should have asked to talk to the parent of that child before granting permission.

I do not think it possible to end the relationship, because they will still see each other at school. But you can certainly talk to him about what is appropriate and what is not and limit time spent together outside of school.

Best of luck.

2007-11-21 13:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by joanney 2 · 0 1

How did the 6 year old go to a sleepover and no one know it? You said he lied about sleeping over at a friend;s house....didn't anyone bother to find out who the friend was or meet the parents? Sounds like the 6 year old is running things. First of all, kids should not have coed sleepovers. If they are allowed to, the boys should be seperated from the girls....period, regardless of age. Wow...it sounds like some people need to find some common sense here. One thing I'd be a little concerned about is where the 6 year old is getting these images from...like "Sweetie" and wanting to sleep next to a girl. That's not really normal behavior for that age. I'm not saying something is going on with the 6 year old....just keep your eyes open. I agree with you about ending the "relationship." Don't be naive....just because they're 6. I just read on CNN a couple days ago about 3 boys, ages 8-9 raping an 11 year old girl. So, that's not too much older....so don't think that he doesn't have that in mind or isn't knowledgable about such things. You should talk to the girl's parents and see what they think. Hopefully, they'll agree with you. Next, all the parents need to sit down with the kids and talk to them about it and explain boundaries. If they aren't willing, then you still need to with your son. Do not let them sleep over at each other's houses and supervise when they do play together.

2007-11-21 13:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by First Lady 7 · 1 1

How did the six year old little boy come up with such a complex plan?
Most children don't think of lying to trick their parents for atleast a few more years!

I wouldn't end the relationship, I'd simply punish him for lying, and misbehaving while you and your fiance were out of town.
Explain to him that he needs to tell his guardian the truth about what he is doing, not making up a story.

If anything, don't let him go to the little girl's house to play, and vise versa for a while.

He's only six, and the fact that the two are in the same class just won't work if you don't want him to talk to her anymore. Their relationship is harmless, and consists of holding hands, playing tag on the playground, and sharing their snack. Enjoy the time where he is still so innocent=)

2007-11-21 13:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by Ashley 5 · 0 1

I too have a six year old and when he was in kindergarten he had about 5 "girlfriends" and i knew that if i tried to make this seem worse than it really was it would be worse than it really was. needless to say over summer vacay he forgot about his girlfriends and now has one girl he likes but once again he is only six so for now im not worried about this. I would be talking to the girls parents about what happened and as for your MIL i wouldnt be letting her watch the child anymore if she is that irresponsible.

2007-11-22 05:14:06 · answer #6 · answered by butterfly02012001 2 · 0 0

first off, what do you mean "he lied and said he was going to a friends.." what was grandma doing? 6 year olds should not be taking themselves to freinds houses without parents talking to eachother to confirm plans. He needs to be punished for lying, but I wouldn't try to end the relationship. You will not allow any more sleepovers, and at 6 you can monitor play dates. Talk to him about why he felt he needed to lie and what he feels for this girl. Sart discussion now, make it supportive and honest. Remember, you're setting the tone for the discussions you'll have when he's 16.

2007-11-21 13:26:45 · answer #7 · answered by caitlin r 1 · 2 1

its not the child and the relationship thats wrong its that adults are letting a 6 y/o act like an adult, thats the problem 6 year olds dont have sleep overs or a birthday party that turns in to a sleep over !!! i could only assume there was drinking and smoking too

2007-11-21 14:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by halicon2000 4 · 1 1

Why exactly do you think you need to "end this relationship"? Is it important to you that this little boy grow up with a distorted view of women as objects rather than as real people with whom he can have a genuine friendship?

You are obviously having sex with a man to whom you are not (yet) married, but somehow it is wrong for this little boy to have a nap with his "girlfriend"?

Where do you think children learn behaviours? Out of thin air?

2007-11-21 13:26:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6 2

Personally I believe the dad should do it since he is the father. He needs to just be honest about what he is thinking and be very careful how he chooses his words. Good luck!

2007-11-21 13:38:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

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