I am talking to a woman (I'll call her Ann) who is about to get divorced, but she will not go out with me, other than as friends, until she is divorced. We work together, so we have gotten to know each other really well, but just as friends.(There is a definite chemistry between us) I really like her, and want a relationship with her, but It may be a while before she trusts men enough to be in a relationship again. I am also dating someone else(I'll call her Lily), It is not serious, but I know I can sleep with her. Will it mess up my chances with Ann if I have sex with Lily?
I'm not cheating or lying to either one.
2007-11-21 12:49:35 · 39 answers · asked by jondoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I dont think either one should know about what you do in the "relationship" with the other. However I do think they should know OF each other and where you guys stand. For instance if things are getting good with lilly to where they are serious, you should tell ann that you are now serious with lilly but never tell them "oh we went out to the movies and we have sex" no!! just say we date every now and then. they dont need to have specifics.
2007-11-21 12:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by yeayeayea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being honest which is good. Right now you are not serious with either. Remember Ann's values are a little different than yours. Look at her, not wanting a relationship until she is fully divorced. Some divorces take awhile. Alot of people consider the break up enough to consider moving on regardless of the paperwork. Now look at you. You have let Ann know that you would rather be with her but your actions are showing her that you need sex with someone else to tie you over until she is available. You possibly might be keeping her from believing that you really like her by your actions. She's smart. She shouldn't show real interest in you if you are seeing someone. And she should not care one way or another or even mention it because she has to see how you will act without her opinion.
2007-11-21 13:08:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 Dating is not being married. So all is fair game. Cheating, is after you are in a committed relationship, regardless of marital status.
#2 Ann: Is going to have a while before she may be ready to really date again. Rule of thumb is 2 years for grieving and re-discovering self.
#3 Of course if you sleep with Lily and Ann finds out, you could cause (Ann) to lose more trust in men (mainly you), because of the trust issues she's dealing with in her divorce.
#4 I realize men have needs, so do women. However, if Ann is your primary choice between the two, do you care enough about Ann to wait on the sexual fulfillment?
#5 You can always use the "ask don't tell" policy....Unless Ann & Lily know eachother.........
Good Luck.
2007-11-21 13:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by blueeyes_unever_4get 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do us all a favor and deal with one person at a time. It's great that you're honest, but why can't you be patient enough to wait for her divorce if you really think there's something there? Besides, how do you think Lily is going to feel when she finds out she's just your bedwarmer while you wait for Ann to be available? (Lily may say it's alright, but if so, maybe she's just using you the same way) Ann's right not to go out with you, since you aren't sure what you want - clearly, you aren't serious if you are willing to sleep with someone just for sex. That's like eating styrofoam - it may fill your stomach, but has no nutritional value. I was absolutely nuts about a guy I used to know who tried to put the moves on me while he was still technically married, and as a child of divorce, I would NEVER be involved with someone who thinks adultery is OK, no matter how much I liked him. Too bad, because if he had waited, I would have been all over him like a cheap suit. The mere fact that he thought I might showed he never really knew me anyway. Keep playing around like that and you'll either wind up divorced yourself or old and lonely with a bunch of STDs.
2007-11-21 13:03:34 · answer #4 · answered by Otter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a quarter
Head = anne
Tail = Lily
No stick to the one you are interested in and willing to spend the rest of your life with. If you respect Ann the no You shouldn't have sex with Lily at all. I suggest you stop seeing Lily too
2007-11-21 12:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by YooH8M3? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, are you kidding me??? First of all, avoid hooking up with people at work! This can ruin your career. Second, leave Ann alone. She is just getting over a divorce. She'd respect you more if you didn't try to get in her pants and instead was her friend. And Lily, geez, if she is down with you just sleeping with her then fine, but if you do, it is none of Ann's business.
2007-11-21 12:55:32 · answer #6 · answered by OChyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be a user... You're using Lily to kill the boredom brought about by waiting for Ann... And then you're still in relationship with her even if you already know who you want to be with? Have pity!
I suggest you break-up with Lily first. This is also Ann's philosophy.. Don't create a new mess until the current mess is already resolved. You should not be in a relationship with Lily until she's FORMALLY divorced and you're FORMALLY broken-up with your current girlfriend.
2007-11-21 12:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by Odette 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dunno but it sounds like you will keep sleeping with Lily until you and Ann become serious.. so yeah it might mess it up.. especially if Ann doesn't give you any sex weeks after her divorce.. you will still have Lily on the side. If I was Ann and found out you had someone ont he side while you were wanting to get serious with me I wouldn't even take it further..
Ann seems like she won't be able to trust anyone after her divorce like you said (she shouldn't anyway cuz you trying to **** someone else) so the chances of you two getting serious might be slim, or will just take a while. I dunno what to tell u.. It kind of doesn't matter if you sleep with Lily right now.. cuz Ann's still married and wont date you until she divorced. Its up to you.
2007-11-21 12:54:38 · answer #8 · answered by MedTq367 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go have sex with Lily, just don't tell Ann about it, besides, right now you two are only friends and she has no right to stop you from dating other people since she has decided to keep it friendly until her divorce is final. And, please, be honest with Lily about not being serious with her.
2007-11-21 12:54:13 · answer #9 · answered by Vi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why u want to be with Ann if you cant give what her husband (ex husband to be) does not? Ann needs Secutiry and trust from a man and now you are asking yourself if Ann like you even you are dating Lily. Did Ann knows about u dating Lily while going after her? maybe u just like to hurt Ann again.
2007-11-21 12:54:26 · answer #10 · answered by jinnui 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋