My ex is a liar! He told me he was not seeing his new girl anymore (the 1 he started seeing after we broke up). He said they were not even dating, just having sex, but i know better. We dont have custody arrangements w/ the court, its pretty much what we agree to. I let my son spend the weekend with his dad & she spent the weekend too! I dont think she should sleep over! I dont let men sleep over with my son around. I confronted him about it & he thinks i am just being jealous & demanding i be involved in his personal life. I could care less if he is dating/sleeping with this girl as long as my son is not there. His weekend with his son should be spent with his son & not sharing it with some random girl. If he is serious about her why wouldn't he tell me. I don't need details, just want to know if my son will see her too. I would want to talk to her and set groundrules. He refuses to tell me & only says "its none of my business". Am i overreacting or do i have a point?
2007-11-21 11:51:27 · 8 answers · asked by Lely 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
no ur not over reacting, i went through the same thing with my son and ex, he lied about her, but also said they were only living together and whatever, I hated her, and still do(except shes now gone!) it sucks because you cannot do anything about it, the only way to really have something done is if she were absuing your son in some way, otherwise its your ex's choice. it sucks, and its hard to deal with it. and you can try to set ground rules, but at the same time, they can choose not to follow them, as long as your son is being taken care of and not being ignored, there really isn't anything you can do. just try not to let it bother you, there are years ahead of you that you are goin to have to share your son with him, and im sure he will go through many women. if it gets out of control then do something. since you do not have anything court ordered, you do not have to let your son see him, you can tell him that he can pick him up for a few hours but not spend the nite, then he can decide if he wants more and he can go to court and you can tell your stories infront of a judge. The only difference in my situation was i had complete control cuz his gf was afraid of me, and he had been arrested for domestic violence and child abuse, so in court that went against him as well, he learned to follow my rules, and when i said she wasn't allowed near my son, i meant it. he was also really controlling and still wanted a relationship with me, im sorry you are going through this, it really sucks, but when ur son is with them, go do something for yourself and try to keep your mind off them. you seem like your a strong person and not letting your emotions get in the way of your sons relationship with his dad. good job! and good luck!
2007-11-21 12:02:01 · answer #1 · answered by jellybean91404 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Touchy subject. I agree that he should not let someone sleep over at his house. It sends messages to your son that it is ok to have different girls around in the future, as he gets older and understands more. I dated a guy who does that, and his poor kids........... I never even had a physical relationship with him. I think it is wrong for the kids sake.
Maybe you and your ex should meet with a mediator to be able to discuss these types of issues with.
You can tell him that in the meantime, that you wish to not have women spending the night when your son is there. IF he gets serious with someone, what you want to be some issues you would like to discuss. I don't think that saying ground rules is probably the way to say it as it appears that he would be instantly defensive about whatever you might say after that.
You can tell him you don't care any other time what he does, just not when your child is there. He may not quite understand what is going on at that age, but he will sense things. If your child acts up, it could be because he senses both your frustration. Ask your ex to not ever bad mouth you in front of your child and you won't either.
I will say a prayer for both of you to be able to sit down and discuss your child's welfare without any strife.
2007-11-21 12:02:09 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apart from having to share custody of your son you are no longer in your ex's life and do not have a right to dictate who he sees or when.
Where your son is concerned you do have a right set some ground rules about discipline and the girlfriend's treatment of your son.
You don't have the right to stop your son seeing his father if his girlfriend is in the house. If this girl is going to be in your partners life then you are going to have to put aside your feelings and be civil for the sake of your son.
It is a traumatic time in your son's life and the last thing he needs is to see you angry or to put restrictions on him seeing his dad.
I know your are probably feeling hurt and betrayed but you really need to focus on your son's well being. Children tend to feel that they have done something wrong when a parent leaves. You need to give him constant reassurance that both you and his father love him.
Don't say bad things about his dad in front of him. You need to develop a good working relationship with his dad because you still have many years of raising your son together ahead of you.
2007-11-21 12:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by lucy loo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going over a bit as long as she is not into anything illegal, there is not much you can do. And maybe the reason your ex didn't tell you is because of this type of reaction. You are going to have to realize there is another woman in your EX's life and your(and his) son will meet other women too.
2007-11-21 12:03:27 · answer #4 · answered by Autumn S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to ask he not sleep with anyone when the child is there. You need a lawyer and a custody agreement. It is a bad idea to expose the child to the parents private sexual life.
If the child is in the house, then the parent needs to be an adult and be focused on the child, not anther adult or their own sex life.
You shouldn't care who he sleeps with, as long as it is not when the child is present. It sends the wrong message and Will mess up the child for life.
2007-11-21 12:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie Jeans 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think theres much u can do about the company your ex decides to keep..as long as there is no illegal activity around your son, he is properly cared for and no harm is coming to him. Your ex could try the same on you if you get into a relationship..he could object to whoever u decide to keep company with so try to look at it both ways.
2007-11-21 11:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by yoyo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one, i think your son may be a little young to really worry about who dad is hanging out with, what are you going to do if he gets married? i sense jeolousy as well.....
2007-11-21 11:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by adamc44 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
join them
2007-11-21 11:55:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋