realization of a nice guy?

Question

people have always said i was nice, girls would say im a chill guy and my mom would say your a good boy im 19 now and when i was younger my mom would say you gotta be more of an asshole with people, but its hard but now im starting to realize that i hate that stamp of being the nice guy and now im trying to change not neccesarily the nice part but other sides of it like being a people pleaser and dropping whatever im doing to go see a girl at the drop of a dime,how can i be a stronger person and do what i want to do and please myself instead of always pleasing everyone else, and ive noticed that i always try to avoid conflict by not standing up for myself when theres something i dont like and i have a hard time looking people in the eye i feel wierd and something compels me to look away, what can i do?

Answer 1

It's a tough problem. It took therapy for me to get over it. When I was young I was taught by my parents that when we were in conflict, they were the right one and I was the wrong one. I had no right to be angry at them because of all they'd done for me. In fact, although they never said this directly, my life really belonged to them because they gave it to me. My mother didn't like who I was. She liked the "nice guy" I could be. So I grew up thinking I had to give people the version of me that they wanted otherwise they wouldn't like me. I was constantly searching for approval from other people because I was still trying to get my mother and father to approve of me.
So, growing up with all of these beleifs and feelings inside of me I acted very much the way you're describing. I went to therapy and had the first person I ever met in a position of authority tell me that my life was my own, and I could do what I wanted with it. If I wanted to spend the rest of my life counting grains of sand in sandboxes around the world I could do that if I wanted. I'm here to make only one person happy, me. I learned to validate my own feelings. I didn't have to run them by a rule book or someone in order to feel OK about having them. I can be angry at Mother Theresa if I want. They're my feelings and nobody can tell me they're wrong.
It took years to learn all this stuff and for it to really sink in. And without a person reminding me of these new ways to think and keeping me on the right path I'm not sure if I could have done it, because there's lots of pressure in this world to make people happy, to conform to certain ways of thinking and feeling. And without support, it's difficult to resist these pressures.
I learned to like myself. Once I started to like myself I didn't feel the need to convince others that I was a good guy. I found that people could love the real me. Not everyone, but some people could. They weren't always happy with the real me. But they could love me.
The things you do have real world consequenses. But you can be the one to decide wether the consequenses are worth it when you consider doing something.

Hope this helps

Answer 2

I DO THIS TOO!
All of these people that I cannot stand are always hanging around me and talking to me all the time because I don't have the guts to be a b itch!

Answer 3

I so experience your suffering, compadre!!! i'm a severe high quality guy such as you're and that i'm getting that perverted to my detriment on no longer so few events as properly. back on the 1st of might 2009, a vehicle crashed right into a application pole and it grew to become right into a incredible hullabaloo for the 1st responders to detour all people around the accident whilst the electrical powered corporation replaced the broken pole (which grew to become into in all probability previous in the beginning). presently thereafter, I asked the city Administrator if he could supply me the comparable respond at present that he did as quickly as I stated that a application pole relocation challenge otherwise be a launch pad for organising a under-floor power distribution community back in March -- the electrical powered corporation being unwilling to make a contribution any of their funds to this end and the different telecommunications agencies no longer being obligated to circulate under-floor as properly. That respond drove me batty simply by fact it did no longer answer the question of why there are a number of those above-floor power strains and get in touch with cables that are liable to wreck by making use of severe climate alongside with animal injury and clumsy motorists . . . to me, there is no longer lots to communicate against under-floor power distribution and different application infrastructure. As you will see that, i'm additionally logical and pragmatic severe high quality guy (^_^). the moral of my tale is that the international desires greater gents and sturdy Samaritans. those »jerks« that seem to have all of it pay a hefty fee to maintain that mirage. Exempli gratia, how lots do you think of that the coverage on a Corvette or Ferrari is? How with regard to the flexibility standards the interior climate administration device of a mansion could require to do its activity? Your emphasis desires to be in the direction of an financial prosperity that works for you and additionally in surrounding your self with people who relatively get excitement from your altruistic nature. each and every thing which you have indexed it relatively is an occasion of people who can't and are not getting excitement from your kindness. in case you grow to be advise-lively like them, they win. save up that style and altruistic nature, compadre; you will circulate lots farther with it than you will with out it in case you will locate people who relatively get excitement from it. i could heavily evaluate pressing costs against your doorstep-brother, even with the undeniable fact that